As I Fall...

Can someone tell luscious, long-haired Min Yoongi to calm the fuck down?! Like damn! I’m just an elderly woman over here trying to live my life!

So… last night I got out of my toxic poly relationship. I was manipulated, bullied, ganged up on and had to deal with narcissists that only know how to play the victim. I hate that I miss one of them so much, but I know I’m better off.

You’ve lost my trust and faith. The instant you took my pain and fears and worries and made them about someone else you lost all trust I had in you. I came to you vulnerable and you put them first when they weren’t even a part of it. And you did it over and over and over again after that. I have no faith in your words. They’re empty to me. They have been for a long time now. I feel nothing when you say them to me. Empty words and empty promises. That’s all I ever get from you anymore. No effort, no compassion, no feelings of worth or importance. I reached such a great height before I met you. And you tore it all down and brought me lower than I have ever been in my life. The future I saw is gone, the dreams I had with you are dead, the feeling of finally finding my place with you is completely lost. You lost my trust and when I find my strength again, you’ll lose me too. It’s just a matter of time.

Tonight I learned that the girl who called herself my soulmate is not my friend. She has not been a good friend to me for a long time now, but tonight she proved whole heartedly that she is not my friend. That she does not care about me and that she only acts like she’s caring when she gets exactly what she wants. How did I get here? How did I find people that fooled me so much into thinking they would be good for me, that they would be different and they have made me feel so horrible about myself. I’ve always had self hate, but I have been treated so horribly that I have never felt so terrible in my 33 years of life. How did I let this happen?