fruice,,, 🥭🍎🍏🍑🍐🍊🍇🍓

,,, vegdebles 🥦🍆🥑🥒🥔🥕🫑🌽

gay new yorker. faggot about it!

bada balls!

Hello my fellow dykes, we have officially become visible ✨✨✨✨✨✨✨✨

All sillies aside, please consider donating to Emily Gwen or sharing this if you can! Link

This is the most painfully accurate thing I’ve seen all day.

So I got called into jury duty…

And I was put in the seat instantly, of course. I said, “your honor, I can’t be a juror on a two week trial, I have opera rehearsal.” And she said, “opera huh, well, sing something for us.”

And I did. In a federal court of law, in front of the judge, 75 jurors, the lawyers and the fucking DEFENDANT, I sang o mio babbino caro.

And the judge excused me.

@districtswiftie13

YO I DIDNT EMBARRASS MYSELF IN FEDERAL COURT SO YALL CAN DOUBT ME.

I know a lot of opera singers, and singing a full-on aria in a court room with only a hint of provocation is EXACTLY what they would do.

I know a lot of judges, and demanding an impromptu opera solo on a whim is also something they would do.

(And also one of the main reasons you can be excused from jury duty is economic hardship–basically, it would cause you unreasonable financial damage. If you’re a professional singer, a two week gap in your rehearsal schedule could do that for sure.)

As a muso, I absolutely believe this. I’ve got my accordion out of my carry-on and played a tune when airport security couldn’t recognise its weird mass of levers. Singers and musicians are just Like That.

Accurate.

My friend got stopped at the Canadian border coming back into the US. Border patrol took one look at his tattoed, ear-gagued, mutton chop wearing, hipster self, and said “I don’t believe you’re an opera singer. Sing something for me.” His wife immediately put down her knitting and plugged her ears, because Matt’s a contrabasso, and he does NOT sing quietly. Every other booth along the border stop had a head poking out of it within twenty seconds. And they let them pass without further contest.

The unwillingness of some people to believe that literally anything remotely interesting happens in other people’s lives is truly astounding.

Can we all please just take a moment to appreciate that OP’s url is literally @melodramaticsoprano and yet she still was doubted?  

Get you a girl who speaks in parentheses. Get you a girl who includes information in a sentence that isn't necessary but adds additional context or commentary.

Two moods

this is the most tumblrified man to have ever existed

<3 THIS IS THE SINGLE MOST WHOLESOME THING I HAVE EVER SEEN <3

I have the biggest smile on my face you have no idea!!!

The doggo pets their little Cat Puppy child <3

'Cause they have been petted on the head by their hoomans, they know this is a way of saying "You are good, I love you"

Dogs are such Good Critters <3

Consider: the entire Vox Machina campaign except everyone is wearing giant pink fur coats.

“Faux Pachina” (a beautifully selected name, thanks to @MIHistoryGuy on Twitter)

is this orange or yellow.

its yellow you are all wrong i have decided just now

hey op, what does this say?

nice try but i’m not colorblind it says 71

Am I tripping?

Is that not 71?

You’re slightly colorblind, that is 74 and the color of the car is orange.

world heritage post

It’s orange

it’s literally 71

Bestie it’s 74

Y’all it clearly fucking says 21

where are you getting that from?

Babes it’s 81 what r yall seeing

its 74 bestie you might be colorblind

That 81 person can see shrimp colors

I took exactly the same image, increased the saturation, and shifted it to a part of the spectrum most people can see better.

For all your no-YOU-have-the-weird-color-vision argument-solving needs.

Also, the car is orange.

Posting this in case anyone is color blind and doesn’t know it lmao

@cartoondog

The mighty nein’s backstories are really like. Abused and kidnapped. Abused and killed own family. Orphaned and kidnapped into new tribe and abused. Woke up in own grave. Orphan who became a normal sailor then almost died. Family slowly disappeared one by one. Kept hidden inside a brothel and then sent away. Totally 100% normal life until horrifically killed and resurrected as the monster that killed you.

so I started a new anxiety medication this past week and so far it’s been going very well except that I have extremely vivid dreams and apparently sleep texting. I seem to have sent this at 3am and i have no memory of it

but i am Right

okay this reminded me. i’m disabled and i’ve gone to the hospital a lot and one time in college during finals season i had to write my professor an email excusing my absence but the dilauded kicked in and well

i was not born in 1998

I have been absolutely LOSING IT at "hurbubeudb" for like 10 minutes and my wife is asleep next to me and I'm trying SO HARD not to wake her up but I can't stop "hurbubeudb"

as a child being told "the moon controls the tides" with no additional explanation was like. oh okay. you want me to believe in magic? you're talking about magic right now? okay. fine

sorry. only semi-related but i simply wasn't ready for "the sun is a distant gorilla". thank you NASA

did you know? if you do your laundry you can get your clothes back

not the socks.

Is there a word that’s a mix between angry and sad

malcontented, disgruntled, miserable, desolated

smad.

there are two types of people

i’ve only seen this legendary post in screenshots

It’s always so cool when you find these legendary posts and the OPs are not deactivated. It’s like, the gods still walk among us.