Attention Wal-Mart shoppers

you are in range of enemy artillery

this is going to be difficult -> i am capable of doing difficult things -> i have done everything prior to this moment -> this difficulty will soon be proof of capability

this difficulty will soon be proof of capability.

basically the whole bible happens to me daily

i like the idea of doing shakespeare adaptations set in high school a la 10 things i hate about you or she's the man but i feel like we're missing some opportunities by only doing the comedies. i wanna see macbeth but it's about a really high stakes student council election

@homobiwan Coriolanus but it's an even higher stakes student council election

i wish i had a floating evil skull to follow me around and when we went to the grocery store she would say something like my liege we must purchase the strawberry cream cheese for the coming days and i would be like oh fuck youre so right and put it in my cart and then we would walk down the next aisle together our beautiful life

boss texted me "i appreciate you staying out of the drama in the office"

i literally have no idea what she's talking about

Then you’re doing a fantastic job at it.

Girldick this, boydick that, I’m hunting MOBY Dick

The most wretched tragedy is that we let those 18th century ponytails with bow ties for men get out of style

girl dad not as in a dad with daughters but as in a girl who shares the tastes habits and personality traits of a middle aged father

In writing, epithets ("the taller man"/"the blonde"/etc) are inherently dehumanizing, in that they remove a character's name and identity, and instead focus on this other quality.

Which can be an extremely effective device within narration!

But these only work if the epithet used is how the narrator primarily identifies that character. Which is why it's so jarring to see a lot of common epithets in intimate moments-- because it conveys that the main character is primarily thinking of their lover/best friend/etc in terms of their height or age or hair color.

I love the old timey phrase "you forget yourself". bro that was so impolite like do you even know who you are rn

by not making me a man in the nineteenth century god robbed me of my rightful destiny of dying of scurvy trying to find the northwest passage

you came back wrong and i am racked with guilt because i cannot bear to see you like this and i should have let you rest. i loved you so much that i defied death itself but i do not think either of us are happy

“you should be at the club” i should be by the sea. i should be in the mountains. i should be awestruck and rendered speechless by the majesty of the natural world. if you even care

Bumping My Head Into U So Cutely Until Blood

sorry i can't come in to work today. yeah sorry they killed me off last night. yeah i just wasn't relevant to the plot anymore. i should be in tomorrow but i'll let you know.

Something I always find bizarre is when people mention something along the lines of "You always act like your opinions are correct and everyone else is wrong" as like. A moral or personal flaw. Because like. I'm pretty sure that's just how opinions work.

No one goes through life like "man my opinions are SO wrong". No dipshit everyone thinks their opinions are the correct ones otherwise they wouldn't hold those opinions idiot.