Baby bat learns to fly!

this is my cause of death, I have transcended this realm

It looks like a baby dragon omg

me@me: everything is fine

also me: UR BEING REPLACED!!!!! EVERYONE HATES YOU!!!!!! U SHOULD DIE!!!

me before i realized i never have to marry a man: i’m never getting married! marriage is terrifying, i never want to be legally bound to someone like that

me after becoming confident in my attraction to women: I̧̱͖̰̠̺͓̙̿͐̏̐̈̍̇̚ ͓̼̞͌̓̊͒̄̾W͕͚͍͔͕̏̃̋̌ͣ̋͌͊̀́Ą̧̯͙͙̱̙͖̤́ͣͫN̢̹̻͒T̴͎̜̭̬͍̘̮̭͇̓̀ͥ̿ͪ͂ͪͤ̚ ͥ̅҉̧͎͕͈A̫̱̩̭̜͑̌̌͒̂ͧ̀ ̡̜̖̹̖̻̣ͬ͌͛͌̽͝W̵̮͉̱̜͕̩̘̞͑̈́͆̄ͮ̃̚͞I̭͍͉̙̦̹͖̯͇ͪ̃̆͑ͪ͘F̨̟̘̼̜̯̜̬͒̑̈́͛̄̍̀̚E̬̙̬̦̜̭͂̊̈́ͮ̂̔ͪ͜͞ 

Jelly Fish Pumpkins (by Digital World of Paul)

*suddenly sits straight up in bed alone in my room* im being replaced

by  momohiyaltuko0124

“I’ve NEVER. Eaten a DONUT. In my ENTIRE LIFE. And I’m NOT. About to start NOW.”

-Crazy customer I had today, upon being offered a complimentary donut

Why is this a real thing that happened in the real world what’s the meaning of this

I’m just gonna copy paste the story here from discord because honestly the whole story is worth hearing

so lady comes through drive thru. “Hi what can I get for you?” “A sesame bagel with extra cream cheese.” “A sesame bagel with extra cream cheese, sure no problem, can I get you anything else today?” “No” “Alright, you can pull up” and I just hear this quiet disgrunted “ ‘Please’ ?” I’m like uhhhhh, was that even directed at me, I don’t know, I don’t know how to respond to that so I just ignore it like I didn’t hear it. I go up to the window and see this woman, which she honestly looked like a tomato with messy gray hair. Before I have the window halfway open I see her roll her eyes at me so I’m like oh boy here we go, time to put on the stupid sweet customer voice “Hi how are you today?” She hands me the money for her bagel and goes “Just a tip. It’s ‘Please pull up to the window.’ not ‘pull up.’ I found that incredibly rude.” I go “I’m sorry about that, I didn’t intend for that to be rude, I just meant that it was okay to pull up to the window now.” “I know what you meant. But it was rude.” “Well, I apologize. Here’s your bagel, have a great day.” She goes “I’m a MYSTERY SHOPPER.” (If you don’t have Mystery shoppers where you are, it’s kind of like undercover boss where the store owner hires someone through the Mystery shopper program and they place a regular order just to make sure people are following policy) I’m like “… ok” So I’m about to tell my boss and coworker what just happened when she comes in. And I jump to the front counter because no way I’m letting her talk to my boss before I do. “Hi, can I help you?” “Yes. This bagel was supposed to be NOT toasted. You toasted it.” “Ohh, I’m so sorry about that! I didn’t hear that. I’ll make you a new one right now.” Coworker beats me to the bagel and I say “A little extra cream cheese on that.” She looks at my boss “She just said a LITTLE cream cheese. I wanted EXTRA cream cheese.” Boss goes “Oh, she said a little extra cream cheese.” “Oh” Boss goes into kiss ass mode as well and says, “I’m sorry about the mistake, would you like a donut?” Lady goes “I’ve never. Eaten a donut. In my ENTIRE LIFE. and I’m NOT. About to start NOW.” Boss is like “… ok” and we’re all internally going sdhakgsdgkja?

So we get the bagel out and she says to my boss “And I have one more thing to say.” She leans in with a sneer. “Mystery shopper.” boss goes “We don’t do that here.” “yea you do.” “No we don’t.” “yea you do.” “Have a good day.”

Basically we’re pretty sure the lady was crazy and she was absolutely lying because Mystery shoppers are not allowed to tell you that they’re mystery shoppers, and they aren’t allowed to coach you. And even if she was, “please” is not one of the things they look for. They look for a Greeting, whether or not you repeated the order and the price back, and whether or not you upsold. We haven’t participated in the program in over 7 years.

(via theonicole)

Salt is just tiny tasty rocks

I like how dolphins breach with such vivacity

whales breach with grace

sharks breach with power

…then manta rays be like

“there goes Billy fulfilling his dreams”

we’re gonna delete deadnames

reblog to delete your dead name

I dont have a dead name but reblogging this also deletes your friends dead names

hey guys our dead names are now deleted

can you imagine not being human & just living out your days as a weeping willow, though? beautiful? by the water? unburdened? ideal

I wanna be the one from Harry Potter that beats the shit out of everyone and everything