Y'all, I've come to terms that I'm just never gonna be equal in my mom's eyes. Everything I do is wrong. My ideas are bad. I'm weird. She doesn't understand me.
And, she always made it seem like a *me* problem. I was the problem. It was all what *I* did. Every mess was mine. Anything that broke was my fault. Anyone that got sick was my fault. Everything was on me.
But that wasn't it. It wasn't me. It was the fact I wasn't what she *wanted* me to be. I wasn't like my siblings. I didn't follow a path she laid out. Being myself had her calling me weird. Giving me looks when she thinks I don't see. Talking quietly to my siblings and extended family about me.
I just want to have a better life than I did growing up. I want my children to have a better life than I did. I want to improve. To thrive.
And I can't do that here. Not with my mom constantly bashing my actions or criticizing everything I suggest for a better home. She makes me feel defeated. Like I cannot do anything right.
She will deny what she has said, and try to guilt me for remembering. Try to force my children to live like *she* did in the 70's with way too many siblings in a small house. Saying things like "well this is how it was when *I* was a kid" whenever I try to change anything.
As soon as I have a home, she will not know my address. She will not come over. She will not see my kids until she changes her actions. I will not tolerate how she has treated me and I will not let my kids be victims to it too.
Gaslighting is real. It happens far too often, usually by our older generations towards those younger than them. And I will *always* stand up against it. No one deserves that type of treatment.
I will thrive, especially without her. I will continue to do better until she eats her words.
