hi i'm dan

how much do i have to zoom in on a pic of my elbow before it gets flagged

never mind tumblr shot me on fucking sight

you ever think a post is going to be like, surprise! It was the plot of a movie the whole time! And then reality is just actually that wild. Wild.

My brother just sent me this on snapchat I can’t fucking stop laughing this is so stupid I hate him

tyler holding the pride flag tonight in Washington, D.C. 10-31-18

My man Jesus

What story is that?

Matthew 18:9

“And if your eye causes you to sin, gouge it out and throw it away.”

“Jesus, how can I avoid sin when all these hussies keep revealing the fact that they have bodies?!”

“Hmmm, tough call bro. Have you tried gouging out your eyes so you don’t have to see all those bodies anymore?”

“wut”

“What?”

“Shouldn’t you tell them to… stop dressing like that or something?”

“Don’t see why. It’s not their fault that the fact that they have bodies makes you a fucking sinful horndog. Gotta fix that problem yourself, buddy. Go on, blind yourself.”

“Uh….”

“Or learn to keep it in your g’damn pants no matter what they’re wearing.”

He goes on for like several examples too.

“How can I avoid like, an accidental slip of the hand when…they’re dressin like that?”

“Cut it off.”

“wut”

“Cut it off. Your hand. If it’s a problem, stop having a hand.”

“wut”

“What”

“Did I fucking stutter?”

catch me in ur bathroom drinkin out the faucet cuz I’m too embarassed to ask ur mom where the cups are

the only genuinely funny people on this bitch of an earth are either eldest siblings, people with bastard dads, or gays

if you’re all three, you’re more powerful than any of the rest of us will ever be

me, single, dishing out relationship advice

via

HSD Exclusive: Another Man Outtake by Willy Vanderperre.

Tummy 😊

me recommending movies that will make me receive a “that was fucking horrible” text 2 hrs later

くコ: 彡 くコ: 彡くコ: 彡くコ: 彡くコ: 彡くコ: 彡

Reblog those rainbow gay squids and something good will happen to you