hey like.

Every sales job I’ve worked has that one item. The white whale. The biggest ticket you can sell. The sale you brag about when you’re chatting with other industry people.

When I sold mattresses it was a split king adjustable base. That’s two twin extra long mattresses next to each other to make a king, but each side can move independently. They’re insanely expensive and honestly kind’ve impractical but it was the biggest ticket thing to sell.

When I sold sex toys though our white whale was the 20lb ass. It was a female pelvis, a cut out from the waist to the tops of the thighs. It was hyper realistic material and cost about $500. I definitely had bigger tickets but not in one item typically.

In my time at the sex shop, I sold three. Each time was completely different in terms of how the guy acted about buying it. The first man was a little embarrassed and shy about it. I was professional and supportive as I rang it up. Once I handed him the receipt he looked at the box. Then he looked at me.

If you’ve ever wondered how big a box has to be to fit a 20lb ass let me just tell you: it’s pretty damn big. It’s an uncomfortably large armful of box and every side has a picture of the sex toy inside on it. It’s not subtle.

“Could I get a bag….?”

There was no bag that existed that could possibly contain all that ass. “Hang on,” I told him.

I got scissors and tape and covered the box in cut up black bags. Looking relieved he picked up his purchase and left.

The next man to buy one carried it proudly to the counter; self assured and not embarrassed in the least. When I said I didn’t have a bag, but I could wrap it for him he gave a hearty shrug and hefted it into his arms, marching out the door with the butt on full display.

The last man to get one was just kind’ve an odd guy. Not creepy, but eccentric. We got along great, and as I rang him up I said, “Well one guy wanted his taped over, and one guy carried it out. What would you prefer?”

“There’s no bags?”

“No store bags. I think our jumbo trash bags in the back might fit it….?” It seemed rude to suggest putting a $500 item into a trash bag, but he wasn’t bothered.

He considered this then said, “Bring me the trash bag.”

When I delivered it to him he still managed to surprise me. Instead of shoving the huge box into it he opened the box. He took out his new $500 sex toy, and all the little things it came with, tipping them unceremoniously into the trash bag.

“There! Now I don’t have to deal with the box later!”

I was slightly stunned but agreed that I could easily deal with the trash. Then in a move I still think about with delight he flung the trash bag over his shoulder like a Santa with a sack full of ass and sauntered out the door.

What is the funniest pokemon move

Obsessed with the description for this move

losing my mind at the animation as well

junimo breakdancing

animated on stream !!

eleventh plague. emails. 

Pharoah, I hope this email finds you letting my people go

as per my last plague,

amazing

The lighting in these photos makes them look like an impressionist painting and I love it.

we passed a sign in boring that said their sister city is dull, scotland

oh there's a third! bland, new south wales!

I'm sorry but I just have to appreciate the wordplay on that last sign. It's brilliant.

Sudan still desperately needs aid--it needs a lot of things, but it is approaching a dangerous point with famine and mass death due to hunger imminent.

These are the kinds of headlines we're getting now:

Here's an ongoing fundraiser:

I linked it before, to help with Ramadan, but it's an ongoing initiative, the need has not stopped.

I picked this gofundme because it's been boosted by people I trust and you can see pictures online of the food they've provided, e.g.:

But I also picked this because you can see the amount of donations. It's 2pm ET on Saturday, April 20th right now? For the next week, whatever's donated, I'll match for a total up to $2,000 (we'll say 2,750 CAD, since the gofundme is in Canadian dollars).

You don't have to send me a receipt, I just ask that you donate and boost.

*this fanart fills you with Determination*

Old one but I still like it

they’re off on a lil adventure :]

Zuko: And finally, allow me to introduce the Avatar, Aang.

Aang: Ambassador Aang.

Zuko: Ambassador of what? You’re the only member of your nation.

Aang: And whose great-grandpa’s fault is that?

Zuko: Touche, ambassador.

Aang: I changed my mind now I’m King Aang.

Zuko: What.

Aang: King of the Air Nomad.

Zuko: That doesn’t even make any- whatever. Let’s just proceed with the meeting.

Vice President Aang

Zuko: Wait, who’s the president then?

Aang: *lifts baby Tenzin*

Aang: Don’t forget Lord Momo of the Momo Dynasty.

Zuko: I am not calling him that.

Aang: You’re disrespecting his dynasty, Zuko.

Zuko: Since when does he have a dynasty?

Aang: Well, most of it is gone, now.

Zuko:

Aang: Because of your great grandfather.

Zuko through gritted teeth: Your Momoness.

nothing canon era fic writers could come up with will ever be as cruel as modern au fic writers putting these guys in the most basic modern scenarios. like he was born to live & die by the blade, his story was over before it began. and you made him take the bus and work a 9 to 5 job

But never let me die without a struggle and without acclaim

hermitcraft “fun facts” are so hilarious because they’re always like

etho created the hopper clock! ⏰

xizuma created bedwars! 🛏️

hi, ummm. this is awkward. haha. yeah um do you think you could push your boulder up somewhere else? like a different hill? because this one’s kind of already taken. yeah it’s the one i’ve decided to die on, so.

yeah thanks. um and if you see that woman who sometimes comes running up here could you tell her that i’m- yeah the one who makes all those deals with god. yeah. could you tell her this is the hill i’m dying on and she needs to find a different one? fuck hang on i can see those two kids with that pail of water again give me a second-

When I was a kid my family pretended to get raptured so I would think I was left behind on earth while they all went to heaven.

I was like 8 years old and my sister and mom had gotten really into the Left Behind novels (bible fan fic about the rapture). In the books when the rapture happened the clothes that people were wearing when they got raptured were left behind in neatly folded piles.

One day when I was getting home from school my family decided that they would leave piles of neatly folded clothes around the house, and then hide in the basement.

The intended effect was that I would get home and see the clothes then, think that my family had been raptured and that I wasn’t good enough to get into heaven… or something?

The problem was that I had never read these books, and didn’t really think about the rapture very often. There was no reason that I would see some laundry on the floor and think “The rapture happened and I’ve been abandoned by God! I’ll never see my family again!! Oh nooo!!!!”

I just sat down and watched cartoons and eventually my family got bored and revealed that they were all hiding in the basement.

It’s a good thing I didn’t understand the joke, otherwise that shit would have been traumatic.