beautiful

Guy who wears a bib while eating someone out

Guy who wears a strap-on to joe's crab shack

I'm a girl

Sorry. Guy who wears a strap-on to joe's girl shack

Ugh, was having a great time mocking my recently imprisoned rival when I noticed the camera positioning makes it so that I appear behind the bars, thus framing me as trapped in a metaphorical prison of the narrative, now my whole day is ruined. Fuck.

I get it, man. The other day, I survived a shootout, only to realize that a stray bullet went through a mirror in such a way as to look from the camera's perspective like I got shot in the head through the mirror, so now I have to acknowledge that something that could be reasonably referred to as "me" really did die that day, and it's just like "jfc, gimme a BREAK"

ugh dont even get me started on how the other day i tried to sit on the throne of my conquered foe and light a cigar to celebrate my victory but the lighter wouldnt work and it had to be lighted by the vizier who used to work for my enemy but that i enlisted to work as a double agent and help me in my coup. that jerk afterwards said with a devilish smile "ill always be at your service my liege" and i just KNOW that he said that exact same thing to the previous ruler. signifying that my victory was phyrric since i am still caught in an endless cycle of violence and betrayal. that really spoiled the whole mood

An archivist found a long forgotten 8mm film reel in an old metal box, marked “Philippines 1942”. Thinking it was lost WWII footage, he sent it in to be restored/digitized. When he got the footage back, he found puppies instead (via)

This is so freaking profound. Like, this was before the advent of the personal camera. Not just anyone owned a camera in these days. Cameras were expensive, and so was the film. When you were recording shit, it had to be stuff you were willing to shell out a pretty penny to have preserved. Someone so deeply and profoundly loved these dogs and found joy in them that they decided to preserve them for future generations to see, after these pups are long dead and gone. This camera operator wanted to preserve the joy these dogs brought them and to share it with others. How incredible is that?

Alright so everyone knows white is the classic wedding color, with black suits being common too, but what if you want something more exciting for more than two people?

Ta-da!

Honestly I was just thinking about RGB for me and my gfs and then I started getting ideas for how to apply this farther

and if you have twelve, then-

something like this?

you jest, but I have yet to talk my wife out of this precise color scheme for our wedding. (…which is happening on april 13th.)

update: I couldn’t talk her out of it. this color scheme is described on our wedding website. guests are encouraged to wear the color associated with their astrological sign. ppl are telling me it’s “so cute” that we’re “building the rainbow” 😐 😐 😐

I deserve to be hunted for sport

YOU HAVE A HOMESTUCK THEMED WEDDING???

look, sometimes you’re a dumb nerd! with a crush on a cool person! and then that person makes a subtle insinuation that they understood your stupid homestuck reference and you think to yourself “well okay now I am in love forever” like a dumb infatuated nerd!

AND THEN maybe you and this cool person DO fall in love FOR REAL! and you want to get married to them in spring of 2024 and it JUST SO HAPPENS that 4/13/2024 is a Saturday and what am I supposed to do, defy the will of paradox space???

woops

Thinking about the JL finding out that Bruce has contingency plans for all of his kids and being horrified. But when the League asks them about it, all the kids are like “yeah! we actually all have them for each other just in case” and move on like it’s perfectly normal to have three different ways to take out your brother on hand (for emergencies).

it only takes being sucker punched in the face once by a high-on-fear-gas sibling to start stocking the sedatives and looking at everyone around you with 'what do i have to do to take you down as quickly and painlessly as possible' glasses

this is not actually out of concern, it's because if you get punched by a sibling while they are high on the flavour of the week YOU get in trouble for punching them back (you were in your right mind! breaking his nose was uncalled for! -Batman) and all of the batkids are bitter about it

TUMBLR IS SO BORING WITH ALL YOU NERDS AT DASHCON

((you all better come back with some amazing tales))

#scrap of bloodstained paper you find in a dungeon #or clutched in a skeleton’s fist (via @beaft)

boys: jacking off

girls: jilling off

non binary : ferching a pail of water

So you're telling me, after I finally got the laundry in the washer, I also have to wash the dishes? But that's it, right? They're clean forever after that, right? No more laundry, no more dishes ever again? Okay I'll be all right then I can do that much.

I have some tragic news to report that you're not going to believe.

Our queen

this reminds of these kids I used to nanny. the eldest (8 at the time) taught me how to play chess with this set. I remember him going over the pieces and stated that Luigi was the queen and he, no joke, said “because he’s the nicest and you have to protect someone like that” that has always stuck in my head whenever I see Luigi now

still thinking about "decolonising" missionary work.

the way you decolonise missionary work is by not doing missionary work

the way you decolonise missionaries is like this:

"but it's part of my religion to evangelise"

🐆🐆🐆🐆🐆🐆🐆🐆🐆 infinite jaguar attack

"but we need to go to Ethiopia (one of the oldest christian countries in the world) to make them the right kind of christian!"

🐆🐆🐆🐆🐆🐆

jaguars

"but..."

🐆🐆🐆🐆🐆🐆🐆🐆 jaguars

"but missionaries bring schools and hospitals to poor countries" that's called humanitarian aid and trying to use humanitarian aid to get religious converts is actually SUPER fucked! hope this helps 🐆🐆🐆

A brief moment of rationality from the bird place.

Confluence TTRPG art The fallen God of Decay and their temples All art belongs to me, follow us on twitter for more!

Can't decide whether it's funnier to say "my hungry ass could never work at a" and then say something that implies you're eating something truly grotesque or something that just, makes no sense

"my hungry ass could never be a brain surgeon" awful. 10/10

"my hungry ass could never be a truck driver" ????? 10/10

EATYIGNIN TIJOK;L'HE????

Can't decide whether it's funnier to say "my hungry ass could never work at a" and then say something that implies you're eating something truly grotesque or something that just, makes no sense

"my hungry ass could never be a brain surgeon" awful. 10/10

"my hungry ass could never be a truck driver" ????? 10/10

EATYIGNIN TIJOK;L'HE????