of-illusions-and-lies reblogged
of-illusions-and-lies reblogged
Of course it’d be okay. It simply had to be. Anything but that would be too much of a threat. What they had rebuilt would shake to tremors that Jorah wished they never had to experience. She longed to believe as long as the two of them were together then everything truly would be alright. But whispers had a way with doubts. Whispers knew exactly what to say in order for optimistic aspirations to turn into questions of doubts.
Doubts that attacked the subjects that were her parents after Valentino brought up potentially contacting them. They think she is working for them? Perhaps at one point they did but now? After contact with Saverio ceased, suspicions must have been raised. She left him there in that cemetery, the last time she had ever seen him. Her father was always a careful man. He had his secrets that Jorah found impossible to know. Saverio and he must have been in communication in someway and Jorah failed to determine how they were communicating before she made her impulsive move.
Another reason her actions against Saverio had been a grave mistake. If she had taken more time then maybe things wouldn’t be this way. This entire time spent here was for the purpose of remembering heritage, remembering just where the business had all began. Her father valued history, too much so according to Jorah. It may have been the country her father roamed and traveled and began to formulate his ideas but where it had grown had been in France. Why couldn’t she simply stay there? The reason her father ventured out of Italy due to unnecessary competitions. Another gang already far more prominent. Passione sat highest on the food chain, and her father believed his precious idea would be snuffed out before it began to bloom.
He happened to meet the right woman with just the right amount of funds and connections to plant his fruitful idea. Growing from there it established itself quick and ruthlessly. But his precious business too valuable to risk confronting another that’d been present for many more years.
-“I will think on it.”- Jorah made herself smile in regards to Valentino’s idea. -“But for now, you are right. Family talk can wait. Concentrating on our dinner is far more appealing. Which, by the way, tastes fantastic.”- A genuine laugh and another bite of her fish.
Jorah gave his hand a gentle squeeze, -“I hope Tesoro is not getting into any trouble. He is such a sneaky little thing. Have you been teaching him during your down time? Next thing I know he will be opening doors and sneaking into vents. A little spy cat.”- her laughter rang again.
-“Or a guard cat. Now that would be quite funny. Those large dogs that are meant to ward off home invaders are silly. A large dog like that half the time is far too much of a wimp in reality. But Tesoro? No no, the little prince strikes me as a brave one. Can you imagine some intruders running into him and thinking so little of it? Well, I do believe if they went anywhere near his treats he would be a very unhappy little fellow.”- A lighthearted scenario helped take the focus away from her parents and gave her more time to concentrate on enjoying her dinner which she had already put a dent in.
-“He…reminds me of you sometimes. Cute, cuddly, loyal and comforting… But what do you think? You know him better than anyone. Do you think he would make a fine guard cat? Or maybe he would be too busy sleeping to notice. I know I never need to worry about anyone when I am with you. We make a good duo.”-
✮ — There was a second of silence, and Valentino felt a sting of guilt. Perhaps his words had been too hasty? It was a tragically delicate issue. The bond Jorah shared with her parents used to be stronger than the one his family had built -- or so he assumed -- and, evidently, things were more complicated than he thought. There was nothing he wanted more than helping her, but perhaps, he realized bitterly, that needed time. He couldn’t intrude her personal life until she took initiative and opened more; the opposite would only hurt her. He didn’t know enough to help her without risking harming her. All he could do was taking care of her, supporting her with any other mean he could.
Her short reply was a relief. That laugh, he wanted to think it was genuine and not a mere attempt to protect him. “Yes, I will be there if you need me--when you are ready, of course. We should focus on the present now.” Valentino cut another piece of fish and dipped it in the sauce. The food, if anything, was proving to be a good distraction. His hunger had vanished the very moment he had realized his error, but the fish was tasty enough to persuade him to keep eating. A bite followed the first, then he stopped.
His hand reciprocated the gentle grasp. The way Jorah spoke of their cat never failed to amuse him. Tesoro was a good cat. Extremely curious despite what his plump appearance suggested, he had been his closest companion at some points. People in his life disappeared too fast. They shared pleasant conversations, smiled and pretended to be friends... then it all ended. He moved on, literally leaving them behind to follow the illusion of safety in another city. Everything was temporary. Some names and faces were burned into his memory, but he had no idea of where they were. It was all part of his past. His routine was an endless cycle that ended with him disappearing, bringing nothing else but his pet and a bag full of clothes.
It sounded silly now, but Valentino had been glad the cat was there. Every time he looked at Tesoro, he remembered how he had entered his life. The memories hurt, but the feline’s presence was always comforting. He was affection and loyal. Sometimes, when he came home exhausted after a tiring job, Valentino liked to lay in bed cuddling him. Tesoro always purred loudly and allowed him to pet him until he got tired, which usually meant he wanted food or a toy. It was one of the few relaxing moments he could afford.
“Maybe we should train him,” Valentino joked. “He needs to get into the family business. They do say cats are natural thieves. If you bribe him with his threat, I am sure Tesoro will sneak anywhere. No one is going to suspect something as cute as him.” He chuckled softly. At the compliment, he looked down cheeks flushing a little. “Cuddly and comforting? You make it sound like I’m a cat. I am glad you think that of me, though. We are a perfect duo—a match made in heaven, one might say.”
“We are doing well. It is so easy to imagine a future now. Perhaps it is too soon to focus on the big steps, even I’m not going to take back what I said before. Ring or not, I will make sure the future is bright. We should start with the small steps, though. What you said before for example. Would you like to look for another pet before I leave? It could give us an idea of what we should adopt when things are stable. For now, that should be enough. The rest will come at its own rhythm. The fact we are renewed your room is already a huge step. The house is going to look so welcoming. It will finally be ours. ”
Valentino paused to take another bite of fish. He hummed happily at the taste before lowering the fork. “Do you want to go straight home when we are done with dinner? I heard--” he smiled again, “-- you had dessert in mind. I am not opposed to a walk, however. I think it is a great way to set the mood for the best part of the night.”
✮ — Valentino glanced at MIA with the corner of an eye. He didn’t want to admit he was nervous, but now that their objective was getting closer, he was starting to doubt their plan. The man’s stand was dangerous, and even with a solid team, facing would be hard. That was another issue: the two of them had never worked together before. Valentino didn’t know a lot about the woman by his side, and that worried him. She was talented, yes, but that alone was not enough.
With a sigh, he parked the car. Romano could be anywhere, but that city was a good place to start. ❝Where do you want to start, MIA? Do you want to ask around? I am sure we could persuade someone to talk. We can also look for clues...❞ He paused, turning toward her. ❝I am here to follow you, this time: Just let me know how you want to proceed. I will support you at the best of my abilities. He is a dangerous man, isn’t he?❞
of-illusions-and-lies reblogged
Their food served to them. Finally, she thought, not upset with the pace of chef or waiter but merely eager for Valentino to try his meal. She had watched him with bright eyes when his dish was plated for him. Shoulders shrugged up and eyes peering over him, the excitement lifted her. When her food given to her Jorah took a mindless bite out of the perfectly cooked fish. She knew it would taste divine, everything here did. But would he enjoy it? Already putting up with the simplicity of place, the rather drab presentation, Jorah hoped maybe Valentino could hold out for just one more offering.
Another bite, just as fresh as the last, and she put her fork aside. -“What do you think? Does monkfish taste better than its appearance?”- a jesting comment followed by a quieted yet ringing laugh. -“The trout is good as well, would you like to try?”- An offering she did not wait an answer for. Quick to slice a piece of and gently lay it on his plate. -“If I keep this up I will serve you the entire menu by the end of the night. Need to save some room for a dessert…or two.”-
Sending a smile his way, her gaze broke and attention turned towards her thoughts. Living with you changes everything. It really did. Knowing all the changes rather impossible. Some may be great and some may be horrid but their journey together would make it all worth it in the end.
Yet the questions came swiftly. Would their journey lead them to Paris one day? Or would it lead them to Valentino’s mother? He mentioned wanting to write her a letter. Jorah’s chime about that cut off by the waiter returning to ask a question and before she knew it the words she wanted to give him then escaped her. Speaking to his mother in any form appeared important to him and Jorah understood why.
-“…I think your mother would appreciate hearing from you again. She misses you, all mothers do. And maybe she will be angry at first but certainly she will be grateful to know that you are safe.”- Maybe then he and her would reunite and spend some much needed time catching up. -“So, yes, I believe that is for the best.
-“Writing her will be safe. She may have many questions after it but I think more than anything she will be glad to hear from you again.”-
✮ — The conversation made the food slightly less appealing, but Valentino refused to let his worry stop him. The guilt was trying to strangle him and trade his happiness for a painful emptiness. He fought it and focused on the positive consequences, no matter how meager the reward looked compared to the endeavor. Perhaps his position was what blinded him, but he had to belive Jorah's words. Would a letter make the woman’s life better? Or, as he feared, deep down, bring more sorrow?
❝I do not know how to begin,❞ Valentino admitted, looking down at the food. ❝I am no longer the son she knew. She isn’t going to be happy about my career, but I hope knowing I am safe will relieve her pain. I don’t demand forgiveness. As painful as it is, I accepted that is part of my old life. I can’t go back.❞
With a sigh, he decided to focus on the food. Jorah was enthusiastic about it, and her sublime taste was rarely wrong. Valentino cut a small piece and hesitantly brought it to his lips as if unsure the flavor would match his expectations. It tasted divine; he finally allowed a smile on his lips. ❝You are right: it is divine. As for the dessert, you should know I cannot resist your treats.❞The fork sank into the trout next. The morsel looked appealing, and the taste was equally pleasant. It was a good restaurant; it exceeded his expectations. Who knew a place that looked modest could be such a hidden pearl?
However, not even the food could stop his thoughts. His mind wandered, unable to forget Jorah’s words. Swallowing the last bite of fish, Valentino gazed at Jorah. ❝We should probably focus on the food, now, but I wanted to thank you and remind you I will do the same for you. I know you loved your parents; I think your relationship was better than the one my mother and I shared. If you decide to contact your parents, I will help.❞
❝You could send them a letter, too. You don’t have to tell the truth,❞ Valentino added in a careful tone. ❝They think you are working for them, right? You can confirm that is what is going on, hide the ugly details, and reassure them you are fine. I could even send it for you when I am working in another part of Italy. It would be harder to track back to you. That might deter them from looking for you here and make everyone feel better.❞
He tried to smile, and his hand moved to reach hers. ❝No matter what, it is going to be okay. I will make sure of it. ❞
//Now that I’m back I can finally share this wonderful commission I got from heavenlii on Flight Rising!
Starter Call
//It's time to bring this blog back to life! Like for a starter or send a message to plot.
❝Truth is relative. Anything can become true if you convince yourself it is.❞
Indie Semi-Selective JJBA OC, written by Jupiter. Open to crossovers and AUs.
Rules and About
Banner, by rollingsnowsmasher
of-illusions-and-lies reblogged
I’m back!
//Sorry for the sudden hiatus, but I my laptop stopped working. I finally got it fixed, so I’m back. I am planning to revamp my blog and make a new promo, but I will become active again soon!
I’m back!
//Sorry for the sudden hiatus, but I my laptop stopped working. I finally got it fixed, so I’m back. I am planning to revamp my blog and make a new promo, but I will become active again soon!
of-illusions-and-lies reblogged
Jorah watched as Valentino playfully and lightly scolded. The kind sight brought a smile to her face, loving and tender. If Valentino considered himself to be the feline’s father then what did that make Jorah. Suppressing a laugh the thought of them being a little family warmed her up. Such a spoiled little monster this cat was. No thanks to her. She had always spoiled him when she got the chance. Glad she was to be able to spoil him once again. Jorah made a note to head to the store again soon and purchase more cat toys for him. He deserved some new ones.
Bending down, she kissed his wet little nose quickly before scratching the underside of his chin. -“Alright little prince, do not get into much trouble. I would hate to have to put you in my bedroom while your father and I have so much fun out here.”- With one last pat she stood again, but not without quickly handing the cat another small treat. God he’d be round before she knew it. Maybe she could buy a harness and take him for a walk? That would be quite the fun sight.
-“How about we make that Matriciana. We have all we need and cooking should not take up too much time. That gives us more time to spend with each other.”- Jorah grabbed Valentino’s hands gently, holding them in hers. It best not to bring up more melancholic memories for him. Though Jorah wondered more and more about his family as Valentino revealed more. Where was his mother now? What did she look like? Sound like? Did Valentino look like her at all? Was his family large? Surely larger than her own. Did they all live in Italy? Would Jorah get to meet them?
That thought sent a curl to her stomach and a bitter taste in her throat. The chances of that, Jorah believed, were slim, impossible. Waltzing into his mother’s home with Jorah on his arm a lovely picture to paint but one that’d never hang in any gallery. Life didn’t work that way for them. Gathering at a large family party made for a fine tale but it would be written in no book. It’d remain a dream of a tranquil and domestic leading that perhaps someone else in the world had.
-“Besides, there is not a chance I could compete with your mother’s lasagna. No matter how well you teach me I doubt I could beat her hard work.”- she tried to make light of her thoughts with a small joke. Jorah wished it worked more than it had. -“I cannot believe you enjoy cooking with me but thank you. I will try not to set the kitchen on fire. But just in case, I will have a bucket of water ready.”- Giggling Jorah began assembling the ingredients.
-“I cannot say I have made this dish before. Have you? Compared to myself you seem like you cook often. You know, while browsing the web, I saw a recipe for gourmet cat food. We should try that sometime. Tesoro can be our judge!”- Shy and sheepish, a thought she had put aside for awhile was brought up again. Her eyes glanced at Valentino and her smile became meek. -“I was thinking…maybe we could get a friend for Tesoro. Someone to keep him company when you are gone and I am not available to keep him company in your absence. I would advise against getting an aquatic animal though. He may turn his friend into a snack instead.”-
✮ — ❝No, that is part of the past. Yours would not be in competition; it would be a new addition to the story. We can make our own memories and traditions. After all, I want to believe we will celebrate together from now on. It would be our family’s tradition; the first of many, hopefully. It does not have to be lasagna, of course, that was only an example.❞ The laugh that followed was genuine. That was a decent way to make up for the past. Valentino wondered if his mother would be charmed or annoyed by his idea. He had never introduced her to a potential partner.
Already feeling better, Valentino walked toward the fridge. He placed some ingredients on the table, taking a mental note what else they would need. They had some meat and aromas to add to the sauce, and he was sure she had pasta. ❝Do you want spaghetti? Fettuccine? Any kind of pasta is fine for me so you can pick your favorite. Hand me the sauce, and I’ll fix the sauce. It’s been a while, but I still remember how to make it.❞
❝Mm, I didn’t cook every day -- I like to spoil myself when I can -- but I was forced to stay home, at times. I had to improvise and learn how to cook. I would not be able to eat the same thing every day, so I did what I could. I rarely had time to make fancy meals, but they were decent. I will try extra-hard for you.❞
The memories of those evening were hazy. He remembered fixing dinner in an empty kitchen, his body still aching from the rough day. After risking his life, eating alone was underwhelming: when possible, Valentino tried to outside, but sometimes, he was too tired to leave the house. Others, the urge to hide was what stopped him. The evenings were slow as he tried to recover; that single lunch had so much more to offer.
As he got the pan ready, Valentino listened to Jorah’s words and smiled, taken by surprise. Was she trying to say what he thought? It was odd she was mentioning it so soon, but that meant she was comfortable enough to imagine their future It meant she wanted them to stay.
❝Oh? Are you planning to get another pet? ❞ Putting everything away, the thief turned toward his lover, his eyes full of curiosity. ❝I am grateful you are willing to keep an eye on Tesoro, you know. I fear moving around so much would be stressful for him, and I believe he still loves you. You’ll make each other happy. I never considered getting another animal, and I admitted it might be too soon to take a decision, but I would never say no. On the opposite, I would be happy to have more company, eventually. ❞
The mental image of Jorah holding a small kitten, bringing it home wrapped in a blanket to introduce him to Tesoro was hearth-warming. That was a scene Valentino would be happy to see every time he came back home. ❝What were you planning to get? I was hoping for another cat or a small dog.❞
of-illusions-and-lies reblogged
It had stung a bit for a moment thinking of Valentino trying to move one. He deserved his happiness and Jorah before the day she pushed him from her life thought they’d find happiness in each other. But she had been cruel to him that day. Vowed to forget him only now to realize a lack of remembrance what his fear. That day both their fears were brought forth due. Jorah still did not entirely understand why he’d want to come back to her. Why he’d still think about her fondly.
Of course, Jorah eternally grateful for Valentino’s forgiveness. But the longer lasting sting the feeling of knowing Valentino hadn’t found another. They could not compete. Both a blessing and damnation. Warming to know she still had a place in his heart but troubling to know she had been a chain around it. If they hadn’t encountered each other at the hotel would that chain still be there? Would it ever wear thin and eventually rust or would it continue to tighten? The answer unknown to and perhaps that was the most painful sting.
Accepting his invitation, Jorah moved closer to him with a growing smile. Darling…hearing that word come from him reminded her of all the times she missed it. These memories only made her smile widen and drew her to embrace him, her arms wrapping around his chest. -“A place by my side? Always. You can always find a place there, Valentino. Stay tonight, the next and the next, how ever long you want. I want you here with me as long as I can have you.”-
Forever. Yes, forever. But the word hid in her throat. It’d be too much Jorah rationalized. It better just to focus on making a nice lunch together right now. Let’s not prolong any stray or lingering feelings. -“Something grand?”- she chuckled, -“I can barely make a simple pasta dish without messing it up. But I will try extra hard for you.”-
Her arms unraveled slightly and she leaned up to place a kiss on his cheek. -“Do you have something specific in mind? It certainly sounds like it.”- There must be some valuable ingredients laying around here. Cooking may not be her strong suit but with Valentino here they could make something out of all the stray ingredients.
-“I will get what you asked for. Do you mind grabbing the pots and pans? They should be right were you remember them but if you need help finding anything just ask, alright?”- Jorah kissed his cheek again, pulling steadily from him and prancing off to fridge.
-“I have some cream, how much do you need?”- Gathering some items out of the fridge she set them down on the counter. Then she ventured to the pantry and picked up what she thought they would need. -“I have chicken we can add to the dish as well? Should I try and guess what type of dish you want to make? Is it a lasagna? I have never tried to make that before. I took one look at the ingredients and moved past that recipe. Or is it some type of orecchiette? Rigatoni?”-
-“I have different vegetables, herbs, and cheeses if you want those types of toppings. Oh! And some pork that we can use. I only have chicken and pork as of right now. Anything in mind you can make from that?”-
✮ — Valentino embraced her, wrapping an arm around her back and resting a hand on top of her head. Jorah’s hair was soft, and he ran his finger through it. ❝Then I will stay for as long as possible,❞ he announced in a soft voice, looking down at her. Standing like that was comfortable, and Valentino wasn’t sure he wanted to move. It was so easy to believe Adila was finally his as she snuggled to his chest, smiling widely. It still hurt when she hugged him tightly, but he was willing to pay the price. The ache wasn’t enough to deter him. He flinched slightly when she pressed against more, but his smile didn’t fade. ❝We can live together. I thought about it when things still looked perfect, but I never got the chance. It seemed to soon, but maybe I should have seized the moment.I am more than happy to visit you anytime I can. It might have changed a little, but this place still feels like home.❞
He let her go and accepted the kiss. Ah, so adorable! Jorah looked so happy it was hard to imagine her as the woman who had kicked him out. Valentino liked, no, wanted to think she was changing for the better. Last Daze had been a culprit, too; he hoped that, one day, they would be able to peacefully confront the problems she brought. He suspected she was able to influence Jorah to a dangerous extent at times, but he trusted she was able to counter it.
Brushing her cheek, Valentino walked by her side and began to explore the kitchen. The memories slowly sliding back, some vivid some vague like a dream, he ventured and opened a drawer. He found some kitchen items and, while listening to Jorah list the available ingredients, began to look for what he needed. Her words made him pause, however. Straightening his back and resting a hand on the desk, he took a moment to consider their options.
❝I was hoping to make Carbonara or pasta with Salmon and cream, but I do not thunk we have everything. It is okay, however,❞ he mused with a kind smile. ❝Lasagna is also a great choice. If you don’t have the noodles, we can grab them and start. I can’t believe you never made them on your own! I will have to teach you. My mother would make them every time her relative visited us. She was not very close to her siblings -- or at least that’s how it looked like -- but she did her best to welcome them. She wanted them to think her life was perfect; she’d force us to wear our best clothes and smile, and we’d never talk about my father’s job. Lasagna was her favorite dish: she was proud of it. Her brother’s compliment were on of the victories she had.❞
He sighed. What has started as a pleasant memory had left a bittersweet taste in his mouth. Valentino looked down for a second, regretting his own words. Impatient to move on before she could ask, he continued speaking. ❝Everything was simple back then, but I shouldn’t be talking about that...Ah, what was I saying? Yes, we have a lot of choices for today’s dinner. Lasagna would be nice, but we can try something different. We could make Matriciana if you prefer. I think we have all the ingredients, and it doesn’t take long to cook. The choice is yours. I don’t consider myself a talented chef, but I am quite resourceful. I’m happy to teach. You know, even if you consider yourself a bad cook, I always liked cooking with you.❞
Humming softly, he knelt again to collect the pots Jorah had asked for and placed them on the table. ❝Here we go...We might want to keep an eye on Tesoro. I have the feeling he might try to steal food once it starts smelling good,❞ Valentino said, looking at the cat. The feline licked lips and looked at them, seeming pleased with the treats he had just consumed. ❝Those cute eyes aren’t enough to fool me. I know you’re becoming a thief like your father.❞
of-illusions-and-lies reblogged
Jorah looked to Valentino with a weak smile and meek eyes. Nervously her fingers tangled themselves. He looked so…happy. Happy to know she hadn’t discarded any of his belongings, the pictures they took together. Jorah had kept them all. Hidden away in her closet in the very far back, that large box sat. Inside, God, she must have tried to reorganize it a handful of times. Each time never too fruitful. She’d get past an item or two sometimes even a handful, but she’d always fixate on a picture. Looking at it for a time until she’d see wet droplets coat the glass service.
Panic, anger, and regret would settle in her and the picture would be forced back into the box and the closet door would slam shut. Some days her tears would bring her outside and other times they’d bring her right to bed. Falling asleep with wet eyes and a cold heart, awaking with that returned empty defense and she’d forget about the box for awhile.
Seeing Valentino’s kind eyes reminded her Jorah could never truly forget that box. She couldn’t bring herself to throw it away and instead returned to lament over it. -“Ha…”- Jorah breathed a low laugh, -“You give me too much credit, Valentino. There was a time, at the very beginning, when I tried to…get rid of everything. But I simply could not. I am not sure what I told myself back then to find as an excuse but I think now it is because…I never really could get over you. I have heard different things people have done to cope with things like this. A lot of them got rid of items and such. But…it felt too much like getting rid of the last of you. The only part of you I had left.”-
Resting her hand atop his, she lead it away from her shoulder and intertwined their fingers together. -“I was not the only one hurt that day, Valentino. And throwing your belongings away…the pictures of us, it’d be like…you never really were there. Or at least, I tried to tell myself that. I was a fool. How could I ever forget someone like you? My first truest love…one never forgets that person. I could never forget you.”-
Looking at their hands bound together reminded Jorah of all the sweet times spent together. -“I–I never did find someone else besides you. I did not try to look for someone else. You see, I would not be miserable being alone. I would have been miserable with someone else besides you. I suppose I thought going back to how it was before you would be the best. But–”- Jorah stopped. No, t–this must be too much for him to hear right now. He came here for shelter and comfort, not painful reminders of the past.
Ah, this not what he should be hearing now. Jorah felt a tad selfish for bringing this up again. He shouldn’t have to worry about this now. It better just to focus on now and tomorrow. Taking her hand away from his, she patted him light on the shoulder. -“What I am getting as is, I can go get the box if you want? Can be anytime really. It is in my–”- the bedroom, the stained wall, that’s where every happened. -“I can get it easily whenever you want it. But, you must be hungry. I am a bad host for not starting a meal for you yet. I would love your help. Despite what you think my skills have not improved much. What do you have a taste for? Pasta? Something savory?”- Jorah distracted herself.
✮ — He hadn’t asked for an explanation, but deep down, Valentino felt vaguely relieved. It was not a good feeling, however: relishing on the fact she had not found comfort in the embrace of a stranger made him feel guilty. He couldn’t pretend to have the exclusive on her happiness: that was what he had been repeating himself during the last few months. He wanted to be happy knowing Jorah had a chance to move on. It had worked even among the bitter pain. Knowing she had reserved a special place in his heart for him reassured him. Yes, it was not that easy to forget him. But at what cost? Mixed feelings were overwhelming him. Was she implying she has been bearing a shredded heart and suffered alone? That thought eliminated any sense of joy.
Valentino let Jorah take his hand, reciprocating the squeeze. His expression became uncertain, slightly less enthusiastic. ❝I would have not blamed you,❞ he added in a low, careful whisper. ❝The first days left me no time to think. There was nothing but fear, pain, and the need to hide. I don’t think I was ever able to stop for more than one day and reflect on what was going on. I could feel how wrong it was, but the consequence didn’t sink in until later. Then, when I was finally able to think, it was impossible not think about what had been of you. I tried to fight it, but my mind kept wandering.❞
❝When that happened, I imagined you in two ways. I was scared you were still suffering or that you would forget about me entirely. I never dared to think you would cling to my memories. No, it’s not like that. I did not want you to forget about me, but I didn’t want you to enclose yourself in your pain. I thought it would be better for you to cope, eventually, and live a happy life. When I imagined you throwing away my picture, I felt an ache deep in my chest, but I convinced myself it would be the best for you.❞
❝I must confess I tried to move on, but I could not bring myself to move on. Everyone else I met, while working or pretending to conduct a simple life, they could not compete. From the get-go, I knew it would not -- it couldn’t -- be the same, so I never tried. I guess we felt the same. It didn’t seem right. As I said, you couldn’t be replaced. ❞
There was a pause. Valentino was not sure there was more to say that would not hurt them. On one hand, he had to admit, talking about what he’d felt was helping him rationalize his feelings. Taking Adila's hand, Valentino placed a gentle kiss on her fingers.
❝But yes, we are talking too much. I am a hypocrite; I say we should leave those ugly memories behind, then I bring them back. The last I can do is helping you, don’t you think?❞ He smiled. ❝I’ll be happy to see the pictures with you after lunch. Now, let’s get started. I will be staying with you tonight If you...are willing to offer me a place by your side. So we have all the time you want. We’ll find the right moment and make it count.❞
He got up and rubbed his hand together, scanning the kitchen. He had a vague idea of where everything should have been. ❝What do you have here? We could make something grand, with a primo and a secondo. We can start with some Pasta and continue with a savory treat...I have a few ideas of what we can do. Do you have cream? Tomato sauce? Anything else you can use a topping?❞ He invited Adila to come closer with a gesture. ❝I am sure you will do a great job; you are in the right hands. Stay close to me, and everything will go well, darling.❞
of-illusions-and-lies reblogged
SEND A SYMBOL FOR MY MUSE’S REACTION TO YOURS:
- ▼ kissing them
- ♢ stabbing them
- ♞ shooting them
- ✖ punching them
- ➶ slapping them
- ☠ poisoning them
- ☎ hugging them
- ☂ picking them up
- ✗ bringing them alcohol
- ✣ bringing them food
- ☯ coming home late
- ♀ proposing marriage
of-illusions-and-lies reblogged
With a gracious smile and a heart light and free, Jorah accepted his hand. Her eyes never left his as she stood by his side. A slender and fragile hand encompassed his firm and tight. Looking felt like looking at the stars on a crystal clear night. A rarity to be seen but she just lucky enough to see it. And hopefully she’d see it more frequently now. He agreed thank God. Valentino wanted to stay at her place, wanted to stay with her.
-“Let us go then. Both of our lives have been messy, but when we put them together we make ones beautiful portrait. The past is something we do not need to be so afraid of anymore. We have tomorrow, the day after that and the day after that for us to explore.”- Another sweet but small kiss and Jorah began to walk with him away from the park. It proved difficult to avert her eyes from him and so she stopped trying.
Tesoro squirmed in her arms lightly, having taken him out of his carrier when both she and Valentino arrived to her place. The reality of it hadn’t hit on the walk home. Nor did it hit when they went to gather Tesoro. Even the travel here she felt nothing but blissful excitement. When she opened the door to her home there was nothing there but a chilling wind of fright. He hallway leading to the kitchen not the warm colors of a sunset but an endless corridor of a burning sun. She didn’t remember who walked in first, it all blurred before she reached the kitchen.
Heart crawled up to her throat, her eyes caught the table they used to sit at. Yet, all Jorah could see were the many times she’d cried sitting here with her hands over her eyes. How unexpectedly vulnerable this all was. Her memories were as heavy and loud as a storm. Jorah could remember hearing his footsteps carry through here, carry them through her front door.
The past, the everything she told Valentino not to worry about, made her afraid more than ever. Like two ghosts returning to the sight of their grave, weight poured down over her. She hadn’t noticed but Tesoro had wiggled his way free. Prancing over to a low cupboard in the kitchen, he raised his paw and padded at it chirping slightly as he did so. Jorah whipped her head around, jumping out of her daze. Seeing the fluffed cat eagerly press at the cupboard door brought a tiny but meaningful smile.
Finally, a memory whose weight wasn’t suffocating. -“Ah, you remembered where I kept them? Such a smart little monster you are.”- Jorah chimed, leaning down next to the cat. Opening the small door and pushing by some cups would reveal a jar of cat treats. Jorah took one out and showed it to Tesoro. -“Here you are then, a light snack.”- Jorah stood after handing the treat to the auburn cat and smiled quietly at Valentino.
-“Please, make yourself at home. I have not…moved much around but if you need help finding something just ask, alright? Can I get you anything to drink? Coffee? Tea? Or maybe just water or lemonade? Ah, you must be hungry as well. You did not eat much for breakfast. This may not be entirely practical but I have a platter of macarons I made just a day or so ago. They should still be fresh. Here, let me show you.”-
On the counter top, Jorah grabbed a small covered platter to bring to the table. -“I ate quite a few of the strawberry ones.”- she bashfully admitted, -“But there is plenty of vanilla left, blueberry and lemon too. Please help yourself to them. I can make you a proper meal in just a little while. Or at least try to. You know my cooking skills.”- A half smile and a silly joke, Jorah set the treats down and uncovered them.
-“I–I still have…”- her voice died once more. She could see it, that box. The one she had originally dumped in the dumpster out back. It had stayed there no longer than a handful of minutes or so. She remembered it clearly. Gathering all that he left and putting it in that large cardboard box. Heaving it down the hall and out the door before kicking it towards the dumpster. Or at least trying to. She could remember that too, the pain in her ankle when kicking it had only moved it but an inch.
Frustrated, Jorah threw the box carelessly into the trash. Stomping away from it but not far. Her hand rested against the door while she looked back at it. Finally she ran back, tearing through the trash to find the large box. She prayed she hadn’t broken anything. Prayers that had been answered when she opened the box. How she cradled some of the items close to her chest before taking him inside and cleaning them up.-”Uhm,”- Jorah shook her head, away from her thoughts, -“What I mean to say is, I have somethings for you. They…belonged to you so..now would be a perfect time to give them back. O–Once you are ready of course…”-
✮ — Leaving the park behind was a relief. Valentino had loved it in the past, but he needed a shelter now. There were too many people wandering there, and more would arrive as the hours passed, and he refused to sit and cry in public. Strangers who had no idea of what they’d been through could only judge unfairly, maybe wondering with a bit of malice why the young couple was whining out in the open. They were putting on a show, and he refused to entertain the cold glare of a stranger.
The following moments went in a blur. Valentino wanted to see her apartment before his doubts came back and tried to turn their sweet embrace into a sour issue. As quick as possible, he recovered his bags and handed Adila the cat. Thankfully, he observed with a bitter smile, he didn’t have a lot with him. It was one of the luxuries he had had to trade in exchange for his freedom: without a house or person he could trust, he was unable to carry a lot with him. His luggage only contained a few essential items; if in need, he bought something else. It was the only compromise.
Once in front of the door, Valentino paused and inhaled deeply. The last time he had seen that place was when Jorah had kicked him out; he remembered the sound of the door closing behind him as his world shattered. He hoped she didn’t feel the same weight. Valentino didn’t want to mention that awful moment but couldn’t help but shiver upon taking the first step. Things had changed, albeit subtly; it was clear her life had continued one way or the other.
Looking around uneasily, the thief tried to find comfort in the familiar details. The hallway and the kitchen looked the same, minus their pictures. He understood why she’d taken them off, though. How did the other rooms look like? Her bedroom, that was where the tragedy had unfolded. He wanted to see it, despite the fear he instinctively felt.
That was where they would lay tonight; Valentino found himself wondering if someone else had occupied him in his absence. However, he felt more melancholy than jealousy. He had thought about that as he moved from city to city, and he had decided a woman like her did not deserve loneliness. Valentino had tried to find company only to realize the void in his chest wasn’t as easy to fill as a room or a bed. The company he had had was meaningless, a weak attempt to fight his misery. Had it been the same for Jorah? No, he shouldn’t be thinking about that.
Before more grim thoughts could reach him, Valentino hurried into the kitchen. There he found Jorah feeding a rather happy-looking cat. ❝He’s going to become quite plump at this rate,❞ he playfully commented, stepping by her side. ❝I knew Tesoro would remember your place. He spent a lot of time here. I think I, too, should be fine, but I am not opposed to a small tour if you’d like to show me something.❞
Dropping his bag on a chair, Valentino crossed his arms and looked around, nervously tapping a finger against his forearm. There were so many things he wanted to ask! Her invite convinced him that could wait. ❝I’ll be happy to share them with you. Vanilla is one of my favorite flavors; I could use a couple! We can fix something together, perhaps? I am sure your skills have improved, but I am happy to help.❞ He reached for one of the macarons and bit into it, pleased to discover its sweet taste.
It was her next sentence that stripped a smile from his face. Suddenly serious despite his best attempts, he was genuinely moved. ❝You kept everything,❞ he whispered in distraught. ❝I was sure you’d thrown them away. I-I wouldn’t blame you. You were quite hurt when I left, so I figured looking at them might have been too painful. It hurt, but I hope your life would go on. I disliked imaging you with someone else but...I didn’t want you to be miserable. ❞
He placed a hand on her shoulder, smiling. ❝Thank you, Adila. I would be ecstatic to see them with you. Do you even have the pictures? When you are comfortable with that, we can look through them. I--❞a moment of hesitation, ❝--I don’t know how long I am allowed to stay, but I want to make the best out of it. I want you to know to contact me. I may not keep this number for long, but I will give you a new one before it changes. I don’t want you to be alone again. I don’t want you to wait anxiously without any news.❞
of-illusions-and-lies reblogged
Jorah hummed in his embrace, wrapping her arms around him tightly to keep him close. Even now her comfort was put before his. It was he who wiped her tears away, he who brought her into him, and he who hushed to a lull. If only, Jorah thought, you could find comfort for yourself. Her words appeared to do only so much. Finding solace in her view of him. It different than the image he saw. Jorah could only guess what that image was. A monster? A liar? A vile betrayer? A man who left his family then left his mentor to perish.
Maybe that what Valentino saw himself to be and how much that hurt Jorah’s heart. In her eyes his past added dimension to a man who was already complex and dazzling. Perfect, she liked to think. If none were born perfect then Valentino was the next best. Flaws did not mar him but added to him. Jorah wished he’d see it that way and she wished that smile of his was full a genuine happiness for not her but for himself. Frustrating it was to think about him like this. Each tear he swiped away brought another ounce of frustration with it. Would he see more clearly if she wiped his eyes? Or would he continue to avert his gaze from himself?
It felt impossible to know and that frustrated her further. Yet, there was little to do with it. That the least of what he needed right now. She mustn’t push him anymore than she has already. Everything’d be fine now. She only needed to keep him happy. No more anger, no more frustration. Showing that to him now…no she couldn’t do that.
And so Jorah smiled gently and shook her head. -“We have talked about lot. We can both afford a small break from that to find someplace else to go. You can ask me anything, you know? Whenever you ask it or whatever you ask I will answer it. It can be about now, then or tomorrow. We have plenty of time to talk about those.”-
-“But you are right, this park will be getting more popular soon and after all the time we spent apart I think we deserve to enjoy privacy with each other.”- She moved to kiss his eyes then his cheeks and finally his lips. -“I…I know somewhere we can go. Just the two of us, away from any eyes.”- We can stay at my place, for awhile this time. Jorah would have loved to say that but could he afford to? If he still an enemy of Passione then perhaps he’d say no and…move away again.
-“T–That is if you want to or if you can. I know you have limited availability and your safety is my priority but…if it catches your fancy, you can come back to my place. Not just for our conversation but for–”- For good. Ah, but a stable end was not hers to have. So she must take the next best option. -“For as long you want. I do not mind, really. My place is big enough for two…plus one. We cannot leave Tesoro behind now can we? That is, if you even feel comfortable doing this in the first place. I know the last time we were there was…”- Jorah’s mouth ran dry. For all she preached out being able to share that day robbed her of any courage to do so.
-“Anyway, do you want to stay at my place? I, uhm, still have…what I mean to say is I have things for us both there and if you need anything else I do not mind running to the shop to fetch them. I–I would really love to have you there again, even if it only for just a small while.”-
✮ — Valentino closed his eyes when Jorah kissed him, abandoning himself to her gentle touch. He relished in her brief kiss. He didn’t want to think about anything but her presence. Yes, his memories could disappear and wait in the darkness. As she shifted in his embrace, he felt an immense amount of gratitude. She wasn’t pressing him or condemning his actions; it one of the best gifts he could have asked for. The peace replaced the anguish piece by piece, the situation became more manageable.
The request changed everything. His heart skipped a beat. It was impossible to deny that was all Valentino could have asked for. Her house--did it look the same? He remembered it fondly. They had spent many days together, living a life that many would consider a dream. He remembered waking up in Adila's bed, feeling her rest against him, only to sit in the kitchen and brew coffee for her. The aroma filled the room before she’d wake and meet him with a kiss. But Ah, the nights were possibly even better than the mornings! Their routine, every bit of it, was as intimate as superb. Perhaps that dream would never be back, but seeing that place again meant a lot. It was a sign things were starting to move in the right direction.
❝I would love that, Adila. I don’t think anything could make me as happy as staying with you right now,❞ he immediately replied, more joyful than before. He reassuringly stroked her cheek again. ❝You are the closest thing to a home I have. I have been traveling, restlessly moving from a place to the other like a tormented soul, living for a few days with someone I love would be heaven.❞
He wasn't always happy. The sudden freedom had given him a rush of adrenaline, but it hadn't lasted forever. He did not regret his new life, but many times he a vague sense of defeat and sadness embrace him. There had been nights when he'd found himself wounded and hurt, forced to mend himself in an empty house. Loneliness was draining. All his relationships were feeble and insignificant; the people surrounding him did n’t know who he really was and never waiting for him to be back. They were nothing but masks to accompany his own. Spending a few nights with his lover? That was what he had silently desired all this time. Back then, however, it was nothing but a utopia.
❝My life may be a mess, but I was planning to spend some time here. They--they don’t know I’m here,❞ Valentino added after a second of uncertainty. ❝Unless I do something risky, should be reasonably safe. Yes, I can stay with you at least for a couple of days. I know this is what I want to do. You know, I’ve always been fond of that place.❞
He got up, offering her a hand and an encouraging smile. ❝Don’t be afraid. Let’s go get Tesoro and drive to your place. I am sure he will be happy to see his old home again, too. I am thankful, Adila, I don't think I could thank you enough.❞
of-illusions-and-lies reblogged
Peril in Paris
Celeste
Her mouth opened, but a lump in her throat prevented her from continuing. It did bring her comfort feeling Valentino hold her tight, but Celeste still struggled. The little gestures like the hugs and the forehead kissing at the very least helped her control the oncoming anxiety attack.
By now she had already lost control of her own tears; her face turning a little red as she felt her face dripping. Doing as he asked of her, she started taking fragile deep breaths as she tried her damn best to bring up… her again. It took quite a bit and staring at Valentino only made her more emotional, the worried look on his face made her heart so happy that he cared but sad that she was causing him this stress. Her soft hands held his tightly as she opted to looking off to the side and away from his gaze.
“I… I didn’t come to Italy f-for… for an education or a job…” she muttered, her voice wavering.“I came here with a friend.. t-to help her. This girl, she… she was someone I… I grew up with – a close best friend ya know?”. Her rose eyes stared down at their hands as her own hands gently grazed Valentino’ with her thumbs. “We came t-to Italy to find the man who killed her little sister,”Celeste felt dirty talking about Stella again, it was such a tainted and sensitive topic to her old friend as well.
“L-long s-s-story short..” she sniffled, trying not to drag this out longer than she needed. “We found out that this man was apart of Passione… He was a fucking gangster… fuck us right? What kind of luck was that?”. Celeste tried laughing at the last bit, but it sounded more pitiful and sad than what she was aiming for.
“My friend she.. wanted to go straight after him after we found out where he was hiding, but I was scared, I wanted to wait or call the cops – I didn’t..”. As she got closer to opening ever memory from that night, more and more tears started welling up in her eyes. “She got captured a-and… I wanted to help her…!” her words were gradually slurring faster together and getting louder, seeming more defensive. “I really did…! I wanted to stay and help her, b-but i c-c-couldn’t and…”.
And that was all that she could force out of herself before the only thing that she could muster up was inaudible and incomprehensible words. One word did stand out – thought it sounded more like a name.
“Savann…ah….”
Her whole body was shivering as she let go of Valentino’s hands to cover her face, both out of instinct and out of shame for acting in such a way in front of him.
“I’m sorry, V-vale..”
✮ — Valentino was glad Celeste couldn’t see her face. His eyes opened wide, and he stared in front of him, unable to look down at the trembling form in his arms. Frozen on the spot, he loosened his embrace to let her move some more. That was bad. Horrible. Did Celeste realize she was trusting a lone wolf to mend the scars the pack had inflicted? He felt the temperature drop, a cold shiver running down his back. He had been naive to think his past would never hunt him.
❝A gangster? Oh, Celeste,❞ Valentino repeated, brushing her hair. ❝That was awfully dangerous. He must have been a professional killer. I don’t know why Passione would need to pick on someone like you, but life can be a cruel mistress. It is not your fault; people like that are--❞ saying that he felt his hypocrisy strangle him, ❝--monsters. You both were victims.❞
He was starting to realize how hard comforting her was. Lying was easy, but it was personal. From the moment Celeste mentioned Passione, Valentino had known how the story would end. The members of the organization, most of them at least, were used to solve their problems with blood and violence. He douted a murderer would make an exception because they girl annoying him were young and clueless.
His eyes full of sadness, both for her story and for the wall he felt forming between them -- she couldn’t know the truth! -- Valentino gently reached for her hand. ❝I’m sorry, Celeste. I wish I had more to say, but I want you to know I’ll be here if you need me. Please, don’t cry alone-- I refuse to let you suffer by yourself. You were brave. I know sharing this must have cost you a lot.❞
There was no need to ask what had happened to her friend. Valentino frowned at the thought. ❝Why would you apologize? Are you scared I would refuse you for this? I am not that kind of man.❞ Putting away her hands, he gave her the kindest look he was capable of. ❝You are safe now. Nothing is going to happen you here.❞
of-illusions-and-lies reblogged
Do you think I am doing the wrong thing? Word to shatter her heart. Piece by piece it would fall lower and lower. A gnawing sensation pushing further and further down until that pit would engulf her. No Valentino–Jorah had wanted to say–please do not be so hard on yourself. Do you not see how much I look up to? Do you not see how strong you are? Do you not see how you treat yourself? Do you not see how you have been through the worst and give yourself no freedom from it? Why can you not see how hard you are on yourself?
Reassuring words died on parted lips moments after her thoughts had birthed them. It is not as bad as I think. Jorah didn’t know how to take those words. Did he believe them? Or was it something more to minimize and like an anchor to hold him down? There was more she wanted to say, more she wanted to do. But fear halted her. Cruel words she said where like chains that locked away any that appeared scolding.
Tempted to take him by the shoulders, look him in the eyes, and tell him so firmly he needed to stop doing this. That he needed to stop abandoning himself in order to please another. He needed to stop killing himself every time he thought of his mistakes. But she mustn’t do that. No she couldn’t. Not when he leaned against her so desperate. Not when he revealed his family’s only sin. Being ordinary. Jorah was not sure what that was truly like. The way he described his family made her believe it to be tough.
A family from simple means but simple proved not to be enough. His quiet mother and his father who joined a live ill-suited for him to try and thrive in something. But he never returned. Gone just like that. Forgotten, as Valentino had said. His father’s fate, the world forgetting him, drove him to find something greater.
Passione. Returning to the place that had ended his father. But it wasn’t for him, it was for Valentino. He ran away..he really did run away. Lavender eyes dampened and her breath shook in her lungs. An underwhelming and mediocre story. If that true then why did tears break free once more? -“Valentino…”- a broken call, -“Your father…your mother..you–I’m so sorry.”- Jorah imagined his emptiness, his fear, and brought her hands to his cheeks to look him in the eye.
-“You didn’t want to be forgotten. You want to be remembered, you want to be something. Your father, h–he died from never came back? And you went to Passione so you wouldn’t meet a forgotten fate. Oh how much your father must have loved you and you loved him too. Even if you didn’t join Passione for him, he was still your father and I’m sorry you had to lose him.”-
-“Your life, it wasn’t the one you wanted. And so you left to join something that could give you a change. Your mother, she didn’t want you to go and she looked for you. But…you wanted to keep her protected, didn’t you? Safer for her to be unaware…”- Where was his mother now? Did he still look for him? Did she move away? She must think of him often. Does he think of her? How long had it been since he’d seen her? Since he’d embraced her?
Everything he had done, what happened to it all now? Forced to leave Passione. The place where he cast aside everything to be a part of. It was gone now. He couldn’t go back to them, and he couldn’t go home. All of it so far away, so far out of reach.
-“You had to leave Passione. Everything you lost and everything you gained for it you needed to leave it all behind once again. I’m sorry Valentino. You…always give so much but then there is nothing left for you. I wish that weren’t the case. I wish you could see how special you really are. Everything you told me just now proves that. Or at the very least it proves that to me.”-
✮ — Waiting for a reply was pure agony. After his moment of weakness, Valentino was slowly starting to rationalize his words. He had revealed a lot more than he would feel comfortable talking about with anyone else, and yet, he still felt his confession was inadequate. Looking at it objectively was hard for someone burdened with shame and guilt. He didn't like to think about it, and he didn't want Jorah to dwell on the topic either. He would be happy to forget about it and move on, but he knew he had to resist to the tempting urge.
Pausing, finally silent, Valentino listened to Jorah. His lips parted when she mentioned his father and his supposed love for him. Was that true? It was too late to know. The man probably cared about his family in his way, but he was not good at demonstrating it. He had seemed distant; his new profession likely forced him to stay away, but as a child, some things were not easy to understand. That doubt prevented him from replying. Then the tears came.
❝Adila, please, don't cry.❞But it was a weak call. Hearing her pain made him feel even worse, but he lacked the will to stop her. Jorah was unfortunately right, and he knew it. What could he do? Truth was the only choice.
❝I don't know where she is or if she is still looking for me,❞ Valentino admitted. ❝We were not as close as I would have liked, but I wanted to keep her safe. I knew her curiosity might have endangered her life. The organization does not take intruders kindly, no matter what their reason to follow is. I could let her find me. I refused to come back home or let her die. Sometimes I wonder what she thinks of me. After all, what kind of son leave like that? It is better this way, though. She is safe, and I am free. Should I visit her? I do not know how she'd react. There isn't a right way to say, "I abandoned you to become a criminal like your husband. I didn't die, but I might have ruined a life or two." ❞
Valentino cupped her cheek to brush away her tears, surprised he was not following Jorah's example. Perhaps it was because he felt better, deep down? His wounds were free to heal; he wanted to deny the sweet compliments, but they provided comfort never the less.
❝You are always too sweet, Adila. I wonder what you see. Perhaps I needed you by my side to see what I am missing. Even I am unsure I am as noble as you, knowing you think that is enough. I can't be perfect, but if the only person that matters for me thinks otherwise, I don't need anything else. I can live with that.❞
He forced himself to smile. He had to be positive; he had to focus on the good parts before Adila followed him into his despair. She already had her problems. They had talked about his life enough. With a soft hum, Valentino pulled her into a gentle embrace. He didn't know if it was to comfort her, himself, or both. Pushing back her hair, he placed a kiss on her forehead.
❝I can't deny leaving my family and Passione as horrible, but when I hold you like this, everything seems different. From this point, my life is mine again--or ours, shall I say. I couldn't be more grateful to have you, here and forever. We talked a lot about that ugly past; maybe it's time to move on. Do you have anything else to ask? I know I'd like to focus on the future as soon as possible.❞
❝I’d love to know anything about you but only when you are ready.❞ A hand ran down her neck and back. ❝How much else are you comfortable sharing? If you are okay with that--❞ Valentino paused and quickly glanced around, ❝--I'd like to move somewhere private. The park will get crowded soon. I don't want to share this moment with anyone but you, Principessa.❞