Someday.

Stephen Colbert speaking for the people (x)

+ bonus

Soda is bubbly soup.

Soup is boring soda.

Make your own goddamn controversial post

you fuckin heard me.

O hmy god

I’m disturbed

This is like reading of two people getting into an argument in a bar then one of them commits a war crime.

this is i l l e g a l

The most hilarious thing about the fact Buckbeak had a trial and lost is that later on JKR resolves the issue by having Hagrid take him in again and renaming him Witherwings. That’s literally all it took. What if in POA, Hagrid simply said, “Sorry, Buckbeak flew away.” 

“There’s a hippogriff right there, Hagrid.”

“A different hipprogriff.”

“I’m… pretty sure that’s the same hipprogriff.”

“Prove it.” 

no dna tests we die like scientifically underdeveloped societies

Prisoner of Azkaban continues to be the most frustrating book

Someone should have just adopted Sirius and started calling him Gerald.

Remus: Erm… this is our new order member, my… cousin Gerald. Gerald White.

“Mr. Lupin that is Sirius Black with glasses!” “Oh come now Minister, Sirius Black doesn’t wear glasses. That wouldn’t make sense.” “Well have Mr. White take off his glasses then!” “He can’t he needs them to see.”

it got better

It’s honestly a miracle to me that wizarding society doesn’t collapse every other week because like

You’ve got this world full of people who can destroy whole buildings or turn people into beetles or make vehicles fly just by waving a stick at them

And there is literally no common sense

Anywhere to be found

Voldemort would never have had anyone find out he was back if he just went around calling himself Steve 

Okay, see, I thought I saved this post to comment on it but I’d like to bring up

The Minister would NEVER EVER disbelieve in Gerald White. He’d buy it hook line and sinker. The wizarding world would buy it hook line and sinker. The GOBLINS wouldn’t but wizards have been shown to be pretty blindingly clueless. Still, Gringotts would grudgingly give Sirius access to the Black fortune.

But, but, but, you know the one person

the one person

who Gerald White would drive AB-SO-LUTELY FUCKING BATSHIT?

Severus Snape.

Snape would do everything, EVERYTHING, to get people to believe that it’s Sirius. But the Order would ignore it (they accepted Sirius as Sirius before anyway) and Remus would just be so… so affronted.

‘Severus, he is my cousin.’

And Sirius would love it. He’d love the fact that Snape just hated it. He’d be the BEST DAMN GERALD WHITE EVER b/c Snape is doing everything from dropping veritaserum into his firewhisky to capturing a dementor in a box and releasing it on Sirius when he least expects it

That one causes problems for a bare minute because SHIT A DEMENTOR ATTEMPTED TO GIVE GERALD THE KISS MAYBE SNAPE IS RIGHT except Harry comes forward and is like ‘excuse me, I’ve never committed a crime and dementors are ALWAYS attacking me, I think they’re attracted to glasses’

and the magical community is like ‘shit, yeah, you’re right’

and just

Spare. Snape goes spare.

Picturing Snape as Mr. Crocker from the Fairly Oddparents now.

Gerald White eventually becomes a fully registered animagus. When he turns into his animagus form right in front of Snape, Snape’s bursting at the seams, just pointing at him and spluttering:

‘HE’S A BIG BLACK DOG! A DOG - THAT IS BLACK. SIRIUS BLACK. BLACK DOG DOG BLACK.’

And Remus calmly says: “That’s absurd, Severus. Sirius Black was never an animagus and besides which, people’s names don’t have any influence over their animagus forms or anything like that. That’s ridiculous.”

And Snape yells: “Shut it WEREWOLF MCWEREWOLF!”

Everyone looks at Remus, who blinks and sighs as Gerald White turns back into his human form.

“Pure coincidence,” Gerald says. “My aunt was into Roman mythology. Has to happen sometimes.” Then he pauses to give Snape an overly concerned look. “Are you alright, Severus? You’re looking a little red.”

Honest question… has this been turned into a fic?? Because I need this hilarity in my life

Severus: ARE YOU PEOPLE SERIOUS?

Gerald: We’ve been over this I’m Gerald

sometimes you start reading a fic and immediately you’re like OH this was written by a child. okay. please know that i am proud of you but also i cannot keep reading this

100 level course prof: Attendance is mandatory, no phones allowed, 12 hours of homework/week, also we have 5 exams and one is in 9 days

500 level course prof: I illegally downloaded the texbook, I’ll send you the link. text me if you need anything. Do you guys wanna go kayaking?

FYI

100 level course prof: Usually an adjunct. Very smol and new to teaching. Lives with dept head up their butt and double checking everything they do

500 level course prof: Is presumed to be competent and is left alone to become the true agent of chaos all teachers yearn to be

500 level also has tenure and can do whatever they want with little to no consequences

also 100 level course: 250 students, at 8:30 AM bc the department is required to schedule at least one class in that timeslot 500 level course: 5 students, a once-a-week four-hour-long shitshow in a coat closet that the prof is fond of

“a once-a-week four-hour-long shitshow in a coat closet that the prof is fond of “

i´m shaking…

relationship goals

you ever look at a character you like and think

every time i see steven universe discourse i think “what if people were this intensely analytical about My Gym Partners a Monkey”

my url is better than yours

youre my shadow self and i need to kill you

#some people were committed to ross and rachel — that didn’t even register for me bc it was all about Fran/Max Sheffield  #one of the (many) reasons Love Actually gives me the shits it’s bc it refuses to acknowledge it’s all about the master/maid dynamic  #and pretends it’s showing this varied and poetic spectrum  #whereas The Nanny is like yeah we’re doing master/maid  #TO THE HILT  #every trope every joke every shippy stupid jane eyre emotional beat they label and OWN  #and they did it all in canned laugher bewitched i love lucy style sitcom  #AND I WAS IN LOOOOOOVE  #it’s like if you’re gonna do faulein maria and captain vontrapp you need to REALLY DO IT  #with zero illusions  #(in other news: the fashions were so utterly righteous omg)  #(again with my point about how the 90’s were not all about the kurt and courtney aesthetic - it was mostly high glam big hair and prints)

Halloween Dog 

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