As a holdover from when churches used to run schools, many states in Australia legislate that the local church can come into schools to teach religion classes for an hour each week.
These 'scripture teacher' roles generally do not require any formal education training, and can be filled by just about any random off the street, which means that for one class a week Australian students are subjected to some of the most unhinged people on earth teaching them all kinds of made up stuff with zero supervision.
Aussies: This is a free thread to reply with the stories of the funniest things your scripture teachers said or did when you were a kid.
Ours always gave us Christian themed crosswords that she made herself, but she could never format them properly for some reasons so some boxes had two letters in them, and some had little doodles of flowers or crosses to fill gaps (????). She also told us candy canes were shaped that way because they are a J for Jesus (this is, shockingly, not true), and easter eggs are actually not eggs but a chocolate representation of the stone rolled in front of Jesus' tomb (this is also, SHOCKINGLY, not true)
This is exactly the kind of unhinged educational material we're talking about!
Also shoutout to this gold in the tags:
And we forgot, "having to sit in silence on your own for an hour" was up until recently the most common alternative if your parents opted you out of the dumpster fire:
Keep em coming!
Okay this has very much broken containment outside of Aussie tumblr, but we've read back through the *hundreds* of amazing replies and here are a handful of the most Batshit so far:
Pretty sure this one is a legit hate crime:
And the absolute pinacle:
He is half of my soul, as the poets say✨🌿
Im sharing a few more pieces of art I haven’t shared here from earlier this year, but if you wanna see more of my stuff you can find me on
IG: @lilustrate
And twitter @lilustrate_
it's good for your mental health to have mutuals who are wildly horny about kinks which do nothing at all for you
this is both as in. sometimes you will realise that actually these kinks do do something for you and that can be very eye-opening and liberating
and also as in. sometimes you will hear someone decry these kinks as indicative of moral failing, and being friends with people like this makes you immune to that sort of knee-jerk outrage
Also primes you for awareness that there are a lot of people who like a lot of things you don’t like or even that make you uncomfortable, and that is okay, has nothing to do with their character, and is also none of your business.
It’s always good practice. Remember that minding your own business costs $0 and has numerous health benefits.
“Having freaky friends to immunise you against moral panic” is a take so good I can’t believe I don’t hear it more often.
"I have been attending the Devil's sacrament with you perverts for three weeks straight and you haven't awakened a fucking thing in me."
It’s a positive to be reminded every ten minutes or so that the world is endlessly bigger than you can (or ever will) successfully comprehend—even at this admittedly micro scale—and that that’s the only “normal” there truly is. And that it’s all fine if you can just master control over the maladaptation of being panicked by the new, unfamiliar, and weird. 😀
"Remember that minding your own business costs $0 and has numerous health benefits."
This is reminder to check up on your own mental health.
OK thanks
*fucking someone nonbinary* you've been a bad person
I always find it funny when people write bdsm erotica where the dom is really aggressive and demanding and the sub is all sweet and innocent when I feel like more often than not the dynamic is a sub who asks for the most insane, out of pocket, dangerous, borderline illegal, unhinged shit and a dom who's like "hmmm ok yeah maybe we can scale that back a bit"
im going to ballgag you and then you're going to rob the federal reserve
>listening to nin
>hear a new layer to song ive relistened to over and over
>"wow i cant believe i never noticed this before! i wonder what kind of synth he used. its very forboding in a specific way only nin can achieve"
>pause song to write post praising nin
>the synth specifically keeps playing despite the rest of the song being paused
>look outside window
>garbage truck
Still obsessed with the idea of buff goth gym bro eddie who’s only doing it because he’s petty
He meets a pretty trainer at the gym and his name is Steve and Steve’s all peppy and sweet, like “What are your goals for the year? What can we achieve?”
And Eddie is like, “Honestly, someone called me scrawny last week. I just wanna watch them eat their words, treadmill boy.”
Steve stares with his big brown eyes, mouth open and shocked.
Eddie gets some modest muscles and a boyfriend.
I wish I could make cats understand the concept of fairness. Of hypocrisy. I wish next time Beatrice was eating I could stick my hand in her bowl and dig around and say "see? Not very nice is it?" And she would say "I understand now father you're right". But instead? Big fat paw in my soup
Joe Keery | Sundance 2020
can i talk to you in the woods about something
tumblr is full of phrases that we are all so desensitized to that they're just normal, but if you say it to a person in real life its so funny to them its a one-hit insta kill
my fave additions from the notes
me when I see a cat if I’m being honest
hello world I’m your wild girl I’m your ch-ch-ch-ch-ch-ch-ch cherry bomb
I would die for Mr. Murderbritches
You will
He’ll do it personally
I love this site.
Character [Mr. Murderbritches] has been unlocked as a Party Member
Special Ability: [Maul U]
Mr. Murderbritches’ claws and teeth deal +5 piercing damage
OMG I REBLOGGED THIS THINKING THAT WAS ITS NAME
