some really insignificant and weird things you don’t need to know about the marauders

james: 

- first and only near death experience was when he almost choked on one of lily’s fake eyelashes (long story) - knows all the words to every song from mulan but only when he’s drunk (he wakes up the morning after crying because he wants so badly to sing i’ll make a man out of you but he can’t remember how it goes) - once wrote an entire essay whilst sitting in a tree because he didn’t want to admit he was stuck up there - can’t pronounce g’s on the end of words 

sirius: 

- forgets that it’s not socially acceptable to walk about the house completely naked - genuinely gets jealous when remus sees a cat on the street and pays it more attention than him - literally fishes for compliments 24/7 and doesn’t even try to be subtle about it (”my hair looks nice today doesn’t it? DOESN’T IT? yea that’s what i thought”) - will only pay attention in a class/lecture if someone gives him sweets to eat during it

lily:

- thought aslan was a character from the hobbit and got really angry when she watched the first movie and there was no mention of aslan in it - the most pain she’s ever experienced was when she tried to recreate the lift from dirty dancing with sirius on a drunken night out and ended up throwing herself head first into a wall - gets really defensive when people tell her cardigans are lame because “THEY’RE SO FUCKING PRACTICAL” - genuinely thinks pokemon is called “pokey man” 

remus:

- once sprinted out a party and threw up on the doorstep because a girl told him she was in love with him - unironically loves africa by toto (a night out is not complete unless he’s screamed his way through the entire song and started crying during it) - whenever someone compliments him or tells them they care about him he just looks kind of uncomfortable and disgusted and softly says “ew” - always forces the others to watch trainspotting with him and he pretends it’s because it’s his favourite movie but really he just has a massive crush on ewan mcgregor 

peter:

- doesn’t trust giraffes (”why are they so fucking long?????”) - literally every group chat is just him annoying remus by spelling everything wrong because it’s hilarious to see him getting so worked up about the correct use of “you’re” and “your” - will follow through with literally any dare: for example skateboarding to classes for an entire day even though he’s never ridden a skateboard in his life (safe to say sirius livestreamed a lot of it on instagram) - has a life sized cardboard cutout of harry styles in his closet and still doesn’t know where it came from

James Potter in the Books: popular jock boy, one of smartest in his year, a skilled quidditch player,  befriends outcasts, head boy in 7th year, has a rivalry with Snape over Lily, becomes an animagus to help his best friend, lets Sirius live with him when Sirius’s family kicks him out, loans Remus money when Remus can’t get a job, protects lonely Peter Pettigrew at the suggestion of Remus and even trusts him enough to let him be the secret keeper, joins order of the phoenix after graduating from Hogwarts, completely against the Dark Arts, changes his ways after realizing that Lily won’t give him the time of die if he continues to be a bullying prankster, faces Voldemort wandless in the hopes of giving Lily and Harry enough time to escape.

James Potter in the Movies: Harry’s dad, heartless bully. 

one of the most important things to me about harry potter is its portrayal of happiness. in the harry potter world, happiness isn’t just a feeling—it’s a weapon. look at how harry and his friends fight: with riddikulus, laughter stymies a creature made of fear; with expecto patronum, the very memory of happiness beats back the grim forces of depression.

the weaponization of positivity stretches beyond that. fred and george weasley’s inventions, meant for laughter, turn into arms against umbridge’s regime. and after their departure from hogwarts, their joke shop becomes not only the single bright spot in diagon alley (literally & figuratively) but a hub of defensive magic. the whole weasleys’ wizard wheezes narrative serves as maybe the clearest example in the series that happiness can act as both shield and sword.

there is something deeply empowering in a depiction of happiness as something so tangible and usable. as a profoundly depressed person, i often feel myself scrounging for happy memories and clutching them close; i find myself grasping for laughter in the dark. the physicalization of expecto patronum is not a quantum leap from reality. the boggart’s laughter as combat fuel, the weasleys’ levity as not just a choice but a difficult and defiant one—it’s all familiar.

the series has its share of darkness, but it revels most in the light. it lets us believe that the act of joy is not small, trivial, or inconsequential. happiness is something not just to be lived—it is to be wielded, on your own behalf and the behalves of the people around you, to battle against the world’s heavier elements. harry potter teaches us this.

The Vegan Cupcake

Lily Evans stared at flames crackling beyond the table she was standing around with her friends. The endless gossip about some fifth year Hufflepuff chaser who had ruined Gryffindor’s chances at the Quidditch cup was being reiterated by eighteen different people and she had stopped listening by the second complaint. She was still warming up, the wind had been blistering cold and cut through her scarves that day and she couldn’t feel her cheeks as she sipped the hot chocolate that Nigel had gotten for her. Her fingernails were still painted scarlet, showing her house pride, but she had long changed out of her Gryffindor robes and had settled for jeans and her coziest sweater. Around Lily, her friends were still in their Gryffindor apparel as if to protest Hufflepuff’s extraordinary winning.

Personally, Lily thought Hufflepuff had played a good game. She was immensely sad that her boyfriend Nigel’s team had lost, but Hufflepuff had unleashed a secret weapon at last minute. They’d pulled their fifth year reserve chaser off the stands and put him in the game halfway through, resulting in goal after goal. Lily had never seen anything like it.

“What the hell is he doing here?”

Everyone standing around the small table laden with cups and treats looked up when Marlene McKinnon dropped her treacle tart from her lips to state her surprise at something she had spotted behind them. Lily lowered her mug and examined Marlene’s furrowed brow before turning to look at the portrait hole at the same time as everyone else. Eric Mathews slammed his cup down beside Lily in anger and Lily jumped a bit, eyeing Eric irritably.

“Does he have a death wish?” Eric hissed to Marlene who shrugged, eyes zeroed in on a boy coming though the Gryffindor portrait hole.

A boy who was most definitely not a Gryffindor (based on the knitted Hufflepuff sweater adorning his broad shoulders) was stumbling through the portrait hole behind some giggling first years. Lily swirled the contents in her mug, as she looked the boy up and down with interest, instead of apprehending him like she ought to have done as Gryffindor prefect. Lily had to admit that the Hufflepuff was either extremely brave (or extremely stupid) for coming to the Gryffindor common room at that particular moment. After all, showing up after Hufflepuff had destroyed Gryffindor in the quidditch game was a good way to get jinxed.

The Hufflepuff seemed unconcerned by the number of eyes glaring his way as he looked around the common room through thick-framed spectacles. In his hands, he held a tray of cupcakes iced with scarlet frosting, looking quite out of place against his yellow sweater. He spotted someone he knew at the table near the fireplace and perked up. He strutted over with a confident gait and placed the tray of cupcakes onto the table that Lily and her friends were standing next to.

“Hello.” He said with a cheery air that insinuated he didn’t care what they were all thinking about him.

“You’ve got a lot of nerve showing up here.” Marlene crossed her arms at the intruder.

“Especially dressed like that.” Lily ridiculed, taking a sip of her drink.

“You don’t like my sweater?” the boy looked affronted, “My mum knitted this with her own two hands just for me.”

She appreciated the curve to his smile; the one that promised he liked what he saw when his eyes fell on her. Lily took another sip of her drink to hide her own smile, animated by the Hufflepuff. Marlene tossed an arm over Lily’s shoulder and stuck her tongue out at the Hufflepuff.

“She’s out of your league.”

“Actually,” the boy contradicted, “Since Hufflepuff won the game—aren’t I technically out of her league?”

Lily raised a brow, “You’re bold.”

“Hufflepuff’s aren’t welcome here.” Marlene stated resolutely, cutting in between Lily and the intruder.

The boy leaned his lanky body against the nearest wall, “Well, McKinnon, I’d say sorry for kicking Gryffindors arse on the quidditch pitch but my mum didn’t raise a liar.”

Keep reading

Sirius Black AKA “PADFOOT” 

snape could’ve been an awesome teacher if he wasn’t a disgusting waste of a human being. he knew from age 16 that the instuctions that the textbooks were giving weren’t as good as they could be. he improved the potions and recorded his methods at age 16. if he weren’t such a shitbag, he could’ve either written the damn textbooks himself, or taught his students his alternate methods. he could’ve revolutionized how potions were being brewed, teaching whole generations a superior method of potion brewing. instead, he spent his time bullying children. 

He could have become rich and famous and been one of the most well regarded wizards of his age with his knowledge of spells and potions

But instead he decided “The girl i hurled racial slurs at put me in the Friend Zone so I’m gonna go become a Magic Nazi and then spend the remainder of my adult years emotionally abusing twelve year olds”

He could have become everything a Slytherin should have been instead of the epitome of what everyone else thinks they are.

[instagram @potterbyblvnk]

what’s the betting that potterwatch was just a radio project lee jordan was doing in his spare time and never actually stopped after the war

“Harry Potter was spotted at the local farmers market today, good choices in produce Harry! Gotta love the organics”

he’s the only reporter harry will talk to other than giving official statements when he has to as an auror

“I’m speaking to Harry Potter today after the long-awaited conclusion of the trial of quadruple murderer Waldorfus Grenoble. Harry, may I ask you a question regarding the trial?”

“Sure, Lee, I have to be back at work in ten but give it a go.”

“What is in the curry you had for lunch yesterday during the recess? It smelled fantastic and I have to know.”

“Thanks for asking, Lee. I’ve recently come across a book of my great-grandmother Priyanka’s notes on her Punjabi cooking and I’ve been trying to recreate her food. I liked that one but Ginny said it was too sweet so I’m making adjustments.”

“Fantastic. Great stuff. Next up we have an update on You-Know-Who’s whereabouts. Not Voldemort obviously– he’s six feet under, it’s been around 2500 days now and he’s still going strong, no sign of him being not dead any time soon.”

“You’re correct, Lee, he’s dead as a doornail and he’s going to stay that way. You do realize you don’t need to refer to your infant daughter as ‘You-Know-Who,’ right?”

“Sophie starts screaming if either of her dads talks about her and we don’t know why. Any suggestions, and any idea where she is now?”

“Oliver was walking her up and down the hallway outside the World Cup Regulatory Office last I saw her. As for the screaming, with James we gave him the miniature dragon from the Triwizard in ‘94 and that entertained him pretty well.”

“You heard it here first folks, Harry Potter thinks dragons are an appropriate substitute for pacifiers! Thanks for your time, Harry.”

“Any time, Lee.”

“Next week’s password is anything that will make our six-month-old go to sleep for longer than four hours. Signing off, this has been Potterwatch with River and the man himself, Harry Potter.”

a.k.a. how the yule ball would have gone if i had written it

i long for the day when harry potter is classic literature, so my ridiculously extensive knowledge can be considered intellectual, like it would be if it were shakespeare or dickens, rather than just a little sad

But can you imagine Teddy and James getting in trouble at school and they are sitting in Mcgonagall’s office..

McGonagall: *looking over the write up of what the boys were caught doing. she sighs* Oh you can’t be serious…

James: Actually professor, Sirius is my middle name. *smirk* 

Teddy: *snorts* 

Mcgonagall: *stares at both of them, feeling the absolute worst Deja Vu* 

Teddy: Are you alright, Professor? 

James: Yeah, Minnie, you look like you’ve seen a ghost or something.

Mcgonagall: *tries to shake herself out of it. Clears her throat* Yes, I’m fine. Now, Mr. Potter, Mr. Lupin *pauses. Suddenly seeing James and Remus in front of her instead of James and Teddy. she sighs* You know what…just…don’t do it again. 5 points from both of your houses. Off with both of you!

Teddy: *grins* Wicked. Thanks Professor!

James: *winks* Yeah, thanks Minnie.

Teddy: *rolls his eyes and grabs James’ arm, dragging him out of the office and muttering* That’s enough of the flirting you prat, we already won her over.

Mcgonagall: *watches them leave, then sinks down in her chair, rubbing her temples* I need a vacation…

are we gonna deny that they all look somewhat turned on

Harry’s turned on in the ‘oh god, I’m having gay thoughts again, time to reassess my sexuality for the third time this week’

Hermione wants to be angry about how turned on she is, but she has to admit he’s hot

Ron’s just accepted it as philosophically as he accepts other things he can’t change

Wizarding Tattoo Parlors.

I know it has been talked about before but I want to talk about wizarding tattoos and piercing again. Here’s just a couple ideas.

Magical tattoos and piercings!!!

is it an unofficial rule of being a wizard that you can’t give anything a sensible name? spells, your kids, your pets…

remus lupin, feeding the stressed out since 1960.

my three greatest fears - death - spiders - jk rowling writing or approving the release of anything relating to the marauders