I couldn't get more stressed... HAHA Year 2022 is not for me. But I still have 4 months left pa naman since it is just Sept 1.

I just thought that this year would be the year of my progression, productivity, wealth, health, gaining knowledge, etc. But it is the 9th of the year and yet I am still here, laying in my fucking bed, blogging about some shit that happened in my life. Lol.

Ain't it funny? The last time I blogged was last April. I had a job way back then, a job that I wanted so badly, but why did it become so hard that I really wanted to escape there, thinking that it ruined something in me? I resigned. I just woke up one day, thinking that that day would be the day I would file my resignation... and I did. All I was thinking was, "Ayoko na don, ayoko na, di na ako babalik". I just can't stay anymore. I don't want to. So yea, I did what I really wanted to do.

I am hella confused, but there was this feeling of ease in me... like there was a nail detached from me. But I wanted a job. I didn't want to be jobless, so I tried reaching out to Kia. She is working at DMCI Homes in Makati. I was given an opportunity and was scheduled for an interview. I studied and practiced for that interview. Yet I still made a mistake and blew my chance. So yea, I was rejected. It hurts... but what can I do? I made a mistake, so I must learn from it. And maybe I did. lol

I tried for MDC and MDC Buildplus. I was accepted at MDC Buildplus because of Krishna. I made an effort to be part of that company! Really... so it was very hard for me to go and leave that company because it was another dream come true for me. and I put effort into them. But life.. life is confusing, hard, and it would not give you what you really wanted without you being in a hard situation. I don't know. That's life for me. I always have to choose between two things that are actually good.. like I have to choose between "better" and "best" with their best features, including each other's differences in benefits. Did you get my point?

So yea, I decided to leave MDC for what I think is a better purpose and a better opportunity for me. It is for Fluor. I just hope that this company will be a company that I can last a long time. I don't want to go anywhere. I want to be here. I want to learn here! So please, life... I know it seems unfair, but please... help me overcome all these. I just want to have a job.

042522.6am

The last time I wrote a blog here was in the year 2019, yung makabuluhang blog ba. Pero ngayon, gusto ko ulit mag log for some reason.

January, I was accepted in Cavite for the project CALAX, at first, sobra akong nahirapan mag-adjust, halos di ako makakain at makatulog talaga, kasi it was my first time mawalay sa pamilya at sa mga kaibigan, wala talaga akong kakilala. Nahirapan din ako mag-adjust kasi puro matatanda nakakasama ko don. Hindi naman lahat, pero mostly. There was a time na akala ko talaga magreresign na ako kasi diko kaya tapos nagkasakit ako non, so may reason talaga ako para umalis. Pero pinili ko pa din magstay. Sabi ko din kay Lord non na magsstay ako don, pipilitin kong magging okay. It went well naman, nagka-friends ako, hindi na ako na hohomesick, everything is settled. But I prayed to Lord, na aalis ako don pag may company na malapit tapos office engineer na ako kasi sobrang init dun sa pinagtatrabahuhan ko, kasi nga kalsada ang ginagawa. Until last March, I was given an offer. Sa Mabini naman yung Company, which is samin talaga yun, taga dun talaga ako, at ang offer nga office engr. so sabi ko, yun talaga ang pinagpray ko kay Lord. Hindi sana ako tutuloy at magstay na lang sana ako sa Calax kasi gusto ko din na don. Pero nung umuwe ako, subra akong naawa kasi mag-isa lang nanay ko non, iniwan kong mag-isa, halos araw araw syang ganun. So tinanggap ko ang offer.

March, nag start na ako sa padalawa kong company, BCDC. Hindi sya ok, huhu, pinipilit ko na lang iraos yung araw araw. Sa tunay, gusto ko na lang bumalik, pero naisip ko baka reklamador lang talaga ako. HAHAHAHHA nakakapag site naman ako, nakakapag office din, kaso apakadaming stress, feel ko pa ang bobo ko don HAHAHAH. Ayoko lang din kay GPM don, huhu tas sunod si PM, tas ga naman, alam ko namang bago lang ako don, or bata pa ako, pero tama bang Janelle lang tawag sakin? Like, oyyyy, respeto nyo din ako. Utas, kahit nga mas mataas sakin dun sa Cavite, nagma-maam pa din sakin eh. lol. diba dapat lang yun hehe. Tas yo, nagkaron na naman ako ng offer. PAG-IBIG naman.

Sa PAG-IBIG nagtry ako, kasi napakalaki ng sweldo, govt kasi yun, kesa don sa sweldo ko ngayon, haha, tapos makakalayo pa ako samin pero hindi naman ganun kalayo, so oki langggg. Bet q naaaaa. Pero di naman ako natanggap. Feel ko okay ako don eh, kaso di lang nagustuhan ni Ma’am yung grades ko sa Math. hehe. average lang ako eh. hmp!

Balik BCDC na ate mo Andrea. April 4, nag submit ako ng application letter sa Fluor, isa sa dream company ko. Weeks passed, kala ko wala na, so nag give up na ako. Haha, not until now, Apr 25, nagemail sakin, hapon naaaa, tas bukas interview and exam na mala-boards, iniisip ko kung igo-go ko kasi gusto ko talagaaaa, pero mas lamang ang ayaw ko munaaaaa, kasi di talaga ako ready mag-exaaaaam, parang magsasayang lang kasi ako ng pera non. Ipagpepray ko na lang talaga kay Lord na sana dumating ulit sakin yung opportunity na yun, maybe in a few more months or next year. Sana di mawala sakin yung better opportunities. 

So yun, BCDC na lang muna ulit hanggang maumay AHAHHAHAH nakaka 1 mos pa lang naman ako here. Sana tumagal ako, at kayanin ko lahat ng binabato sakin ni PM at GPM, sana magging okay ako dito. Alam ko magiging ok ako, reklamador ako, pero kinakaya koooo HAHAHAHHAHA

Lord, I thank you for all these opportunities and offer that You had given meeee. Still, di ako nawawalan ng trabaho, and Im still earninggg. Thank You Lord!

Sana kahit gastadora ako, sana dumating sa point na makabili pa din ako ng mga gusto ko, at makatulong pa din ako sa pamilya koooo. HAHA, gusto ko lang din muna ispoil sarili ko. Eme!

- Engr. Janelle

Naks! Engr na yan?? Dati mauutas na sa pag-aaral ah? AHAHAHAHAHA BYE

041222; 1005am

hello, i'm back! (lol)

it's been 2 years yata since i posted my last blog...

or maybe 3? hehe

it's just that, i read all those blogs before

and it was nostalgic

haven't i told u that i am now an engineer?

yas bhieeeeee!!

u heard it right!! eheee, ako lang to bhie!!

u were there on my lowest,

and im sorry for not saying how i feel on my highest...

i know u'll be so proud of me, old self...

we struggled a lot,

we only know our pain,

our tears, our heart broke...

but we did survive! (im in tears, lol)

but hey, thanks for fighting!

and now, we are working our ass off to pay bills and buy something that we like

ain't that cool?

HAHA! someday soon,

if i find time, u know we are busy now,

kukwento ko sayo journey ko pamula review

thru boards, hanggang sa magging engineer na tayo!

for now, work  muna ate mo bhie!

kayanin natin to!

putangina kasing buhay to

kailan na sumaya

hahhahahahahhahaha

patawa ka

December 1st, 2019

mga kaligaligan ko the whole trip haha, luv u all https://www.instagram.com/p/B2-eqtCh2m_YitIWUcHXLGDwvK4S0heIwoPMaA0/?igshid=2kyst2lnrqw1

eto na naman tayo sa insecurities koooo, wtffff. hirap ng hindi maganda. potangina buhok palang talong talo nakoooo, ang itim ko paaaa, ang haggard ko tignan, ang taba ko paaaaa. :(((((((( hayyyyyy. kelan ko ba matatanggap sarili ko

namomroblema talaga akoo!! bat naman kasi sa lahat ng ibabagsak ko e theory paaaaa. :((((((( grabe hello 6 years na baaaa. sa totoo lang kasi diko alam kung bakit bagsak ako dun. kung bakit sa lahat ng nag second take ng removals e 3 lang kaming bagsak. :(((((( sobrang bobo ko ba??? :(((( 2 kasi pre req ng theorrryyy. RCD at theory 2. so diko sya makukuha ngayong sem. e yun kailangan sa ojtttt. so balak ko sanang pakiusapan sila sir na baka naman shedeng kunin. :(( or pag hindi e float na lang. pero pano pag pinayagaaaan. pano yunh laboratory nung dalawang subjs???? aaaahhhhhhhhh bye ojt na baaaaaaaa. :((((((((