Mary Sue, what are you? or why the concept of Sue is sexist

Looks like this essay was needed, so I went ahead and did it. Not sure I said everything I wanted to say, but I tried.

So, there’s this girl. She’s tragically orphaned and richer than anyone on the planet. Every guy she meets falls in love with her, but in between torrid romances she rejects them all because she dedicated to what is Pure and Good. She has genius level intellect, Olympic-athelete level athletic ability and incredible good looks. She is consumed by terrible angst, but this only makes guys want her more. She has no superhuman abilities, yet she is more competent than her superhuman friends and defeats superhumans with ease. She has unshakably loyal friends and allies, despite the fact she treats them pretty badly.  They fear and respect her, and defer to her orders. Everyone is obsessed with her, even her enemies are attracted to her. She can plan ahead for anything and she’s generally right with any conclusion she makes. People who defy her are inevitably wrong.

 God, what a Mary Sue.

I just described Batman.

  Wish fulfillment characters have been around since the beginning of time. The good guys tend to win, get the girl and have everything fall into place for them. It’s only when women started doing it that it became a problem.

TV Tropes on the origin of Mary Sue:

The prototypical Mary Sue is an original female character in a fanfic who obviously serves as an idealized version of the author mainly for the purpose of Wish Fulfillment.

Notice the strange emphasis on female here. TV Tropes goes on to say that is took a long time for the male counterpart “Marty Stu” to be used. “Most fanfic writers are girls” is given as the reason. So when women dominate a genre, that means people are on close watch, ready to scorn any wish fulfillment they may engage in. This term could only originate if the default was female.

 In fact, one of the CONTROVERSIES listed on the TV Tropes page is if a male sue is even possible. That’s right, it’s impossible to have an idealized male character. Men are already the ideal.

 In our culture, male tends to be the default. Women take on the distaff parts. “Him” and “mankind” are what humanity are, “her” and “womankind” are secondary. Yet this isn’t true for Mary Sue as a term. That name was created first. It was a Star Trek fic that coined it and the female designation was likely a big reason it caught on. Thus, a female name is the default to use when describing idealized characters. Marty Stu and Gary Stu are only to be used if you’re discussing men specifically.  Heck, there isn’t even an agreed upon term for them. So the only time female can be default is when discussing a badly written character, someone who is more powerful or important or liked than they should be allowed to be, someone the plot focuses on more than you would like, someone you don’t want to read about. Hmmm.

 What’s really wrong with a thirteen year old girl having a power fantasy, even if it’s badly written?  Who is it hurting? Men have baldly admitted to writing power fantasies and self inserts since the beginning of time. How many nerdy, schlubby guys suddenly become badasses and have hot girls chasing after them in fiction? See: Spiderman- blatant everyman who happens to  stumble across amazing powers and catch the eye of a supermodel.  Mary Sue is considered the worst insult to throw at a character as it renders them worthless. But since when are idealized characters automatically worthless? Aren’t all heroes idealized in some way? Don’t all heroes represent the author in some way? Aren’t these characters supposed to be people we look up to, people who represent human potential, the goodness that we strive for? Fantasy by nature is idealized, even the tragic ones.

 If you look at the TV Tropes page for Mary Sue, it’s ridiculous. You can be a sue for having too many flaws, or not enough, for fixing things or messing things up, for being a hero or a villain. And of course, this is specifically pointed out as a trope related to the Princess and Magical Girl genres- genres aimed towards women are naturally full of Mary Sues.  Magical girls are powerful and heroic and actually flaunt femininity as a good thing. They are a power fantasy designed for girls. So of course, a girl using traditionally feminine traits to dominate and triumph means she’s a sickeningly pure Mary Sue who makes everything go their way. Feminine traits are disdained and look down on, so when the positive feminine traits are prominent, the reader has an aversive reaction. How can a character be so feminine and triumph? She must be unrealistic, she must be badly written, because everyone knows it is impossible to be feminine and powerful.

 Let’s look at what kinds of Mary Sues people will point to. People will claim a female character is a Mary Sue if she is a love interest. Put a female character within a foot of a male character, and people will scream “Mary Sue!” Why does someone falling in love with her make her a Mary Sue? Well, she hasn’t “earned” this awesome dude character’s love. What has she done to show she’s worthy of him? Fans miss the irony that this line of logic makes the male character seem more like the Sue in Question, as he’s apparently so perfect one has work for his coveted love and praise.

  The idea that woman has to “earn” any power, praise, love, or plot prominence is central to Mary Sue.  Men do not have to do this, they are naturally assumed to be powerful, central and loveable. That’s why it’s the first thing thrown at a female character- what has she done to be given the same consideration as a male character? Why is she suddenly usurping a male role? “Mary Sue” is the easiest way to dismiss a character. It sounds bad to say “I don’t like this female character. I don’t like that this woman is powerful. I don’t like it when the plot focuses on her. I don’t like that a character I like has affections for her.”  But “Mary Sue” is a way to say these things without really saying them. It gives you legitimacy.

 If a character is badly written, there’s generally something much more problematic than idealization going on. The plot will be dull and the character will perpetuate harmful stereotypes while other characters act oddly.  For instance, Bella Swan is one of the only characters I’d even begin to classify as a Mary Sue, yet it’s not really her supposed Mary Sue traits that bother me. I don’t mind that she gets what she wants and everyone loves her, that she’s Meyer’s power fantasy. What I actually mind is that Stephenie Meyer has her perpetuate harmful anti-woman stereotypes- women need to be protected, women are shallow, women’s worth rests in desirability. That’s what’s actually harmful about her and worth discussing. I would criticize that rather than even get to the fact Bella got to be “too perfect and powerful”- that’s just a tiny, insignificant thing not worth mentioning in a huge pile of problems.

 And that’s why I don’t call characters Mary Sue anymore. There’s really nothing bad about a power fantasy or wish fulfillment. It’s what’s fiction’s about.  If one of my characters is called a Sue, I’ll proudly say “yep”, because that must mean that she broke out of that box a female character is supposed to be in.  So I’ll go and say it: I love me some Mary Sues.

The idea that woman has to “earn” any power, praise, love, or plot prominence is central to Mary Sue. Men do not have to do this, they are naturally assumed to be powerful, central and lovable. That’s why it’s the first thing thrown at a female character- what has she done to be given the same consideration as a male character? Why is she suddenly usurping a male role? “Mary Sue” is the easiest way to dismiss a character. It sounds bad to say “I don’t like this female character. I don’t like that this woman is powerful. I don’t like it when the plot focuses on her. I don’t like that a character I like has affections for her.”  But “Mary Sue” is a way to say these things without really saying them. It gives you legitimacy.

And that’s why I don’t call characters Mary Sue anymore. There’s really nothing bad about a power fantasy or wish fulfillment. It’s what’s fiction’s about.  If one of my characters is called a Sue, I’ll proudly say “yep”, because that must mean that she broke out of that box a female character is supposed to be in.

6 Ways To Spot An Unhealthy Relationship

When someone says they’ve fallen in love with you, it can be hard to tell if they love you in a healthy way, or if their love is tainted. Here are six key differences:

1. Giving freely vs. giving to get.

Real love is based on a desire to give to the other when the need arises, without expecting something in return. You trust each other to have one another’s back, and to be there for each other. Tainted love seldom gives without a price—giving is only a way to get something back, not a way of caring.

2. Knowing each other vs. changing each other.

People who love in a healthy way work to know each other by building maps of each other and working hard to discover more and more of who each other are. Tainted love demands that you change into what someone else wants you to be. It doesn’t care who you are, just that you conform to its demands.

3. Privacy vs. exposure.

A healthy love creates areas in the relationship that are private, where no one else can enter in. Real love protects the time the two of you share, your knowledge about each other, and the unique things the two of you do with each other. Tainted love provides no privacy—your weaknesses become the butt of jokes; details of private events like kissing are shared with anyone who will listen, and time together is given away to anyone but you.

Keep reading

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WHAT

Hardcore grudging.

Hey I wrote this post a couple years ago! It was for a discussion about emotional labor and the lie that relationships are hard work.

The month before he didn’t buy me a Snickers, we completely ignored my birthday because he ranted about how pathetic it is when girls want presents just for aging. I was a Cool Girl so I agreed that my birthday is unimportant. Then the week before he didn’t buy me a Snickers, we celebrated his birthday for 7 days straight at his request and at considerable time and financial cost to myself. Then he didn’t buy me a Snickers.

We obviously didn’t like each other, but when you’re 18/19 years old and all you’ve ever heard is that you’re not supposed to like your partner and relationships take so much work to maintain, then you assume your shitty relationship is healthy. Don’t be like that. The only hard relationships are with people you don’t like.

Damn girl

This is so important! I won’t go so far as to say that relationshionships don’t take work, or don’t take ANY hard work, but I think it needs to be in context.

A relationship as a whole shouldn’t be difficult. If you have to constantly work, constantly put in extra emotional labor in order to maintain an equilibrium in the relationship, then you need to start asking yourself, why is it so out of balance in the first place?

Hard work in relationships is about the details. How do you as a couple integrate into a single household long term? How do you negotiate implicit boundaries? Which annoying ass habits do you work to get rid of for your partner because it bothers them versus which do you make your partner learn how to cope with?

Hard work in a relationship is a white man deliberately learning about racism to better to support his dark skin girlfriend. Hard work is a gay man caring for his husband dying of aids. Hard work is dad learning natural hairstyles from his wife so he can play an important role in his daughter’s life.

Those little details do take work, and I want to underscore that, but the broad strokes of the relationship should not be hard by default. It doesn’t have to be easy per se, but it shouldn’t be a struggle.

It should not be hard to talk to the person. It should not be hard to spend time with them. It should not be hard compromise with them. It should be hard to ask for emotional labor (though that emotional labor might be hard for them, and that is ok!). And all of that should be reciprocated. It should not be hard for everyone in the relationship to equalize power imbalances in the relationship.

The expectation that you absolutely must work hard to make things work is one of the things that creates unhappy, toxic, or abusive relationships. And let’s be clear, this isn’t just het relationships, this goes for queer relationships too. It goes for friendships. It goes for any relationship you have a choice in.

abortion that late should 🚫❌

I did not know that in 7 states in America, you can carry out an abortion the day before you give birth (allows abortion at any time). That’s so fucking disgusting. And other states allow abortion up to 28 weeks. That’s not a ball of cells no more, that’s a damn baby. It’s good that abortion is legal but not the fucking late into the pregnancy 😷😷 nasty

You do know the reason abortion is carried out that late in a pregnancy is because of fetal abnormalities, right? There’s no woman that stays pregnant for 8 months and then decides “Meh, I’m just gonna have an abortion instead.”

These women are not nasty, they are not evil, they are women who were so excited to welcome their little one into this world. They are women who had a nursery set up and baby clothes bought. They are women who excitedly waited for their due date, took belly photos and updated the world on how their pregnancy was coming along. They are the women who woke up one day and felt that their baby wasn’t moving anymore. They are the women that felt in their gut that something was terribly wrong, just to have their worst fears confirmed.

They are the women who went to a regular checkup to find out that their baby is severely deformed and won’t live outside the womb, or will but only for a few days and suffer terribly the whole time. They are the women who have to make a decision to not let their baby suffer.

Women having abortions that late are not women who just decided to get an abortion 8 months into pregnancy. While that is there right to do so, know that isn’t what happens. Know that that isn’t the reality.

This is really upsetting to read but it is the truth, more people need to know this.

Something like 90% of abortions are first trimester, which is so early that the medical terminology vacillates between “zygote” and “fetus”, and whatever the name, the thing’s the size of a pencil eraser and has 0% ability to survive outside of the womb.

The remainder are performed in the 2nd trimester, generally as a result of fetal abnormality or a severe congenital defect.

The vanishingly rare 3rd trimester abortions are generally for one of two reasons:

1) the life of the mother is in serious danger 2) the fetus is either dead or dying

So no. Women aren’t just bouncing on coat-hangers at 37 weeks for a giggle, they’re undertaking a serious medical procedure for a heartbreaking reason.

But nice try, jerk.

THISSSSS.

FOR EVERYONE THAT MIGHT BE CONFUSED READ THIS

Banning a D&C at later points also forces a woman to carry a dead fetus within her, full term. Even if it endangers her life (or, possibly, the life of a still-developing twin).  Because some men think human woman are the same as pigs and cows, and should behave accordingly.

Literally no one who follows me is going to know what this means, but HBomberguy, a Youtuber known for Video Essays about pop culture and gaming made a promise that he would live stream himself playing Donkey Kong 64, in its entirety (including picking up every single banana) and all money would go to a UK charity for trans youth (Mermaids) and his initial goal was $3,000 and now it’s been 26 hours into the stream and he’s already over $51k. I just need people to know about this https://m.twitch.tv/hbomberguy

Also, he’s doing it to spite Graham Lineman, a transphobic prick who did some work in some good shows, and helped get Mermaids’ funding by the National Lottery suspended, so because of his temper tantrum, as of the writing of this reblog, he’s raised almost $130k!

i joined and everyone’s talking about OllyTube’s cum what happened

Some other highlights:

-The game keeps breaking up from the seams because the emulator just BARELY can handle the game’s code hacks. The chat has to constantly remind him to save the game in case it crashes entirely.

- Harris took 6 hours off camera to sleep and in the meantime the chat devolved into shitposting about feet and teeth (or FEETH).

- Meanwhile on twitter: Glinneham is throwing a pissy transphobic tantrum on twitter due to the stream while #ThanksGraham has started trending in Europe, U.S. and Australia. 

-Insane amount of guest streamers including Chelsea Manning, Jim Sterling, Ollie Thorn and the game’s composer and DK’s voice actor, Grant Kirkhope

- Kirkhope saying TRANS RIGHTS in his DK voice.

I love that of the hundreds of guest speakers from politicians and activists to composers and sports stars, the Scottish Parliament chose to give special mention to Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez… And a cat.

Teach Consent | End Rape Culture | Yes Means Yes

If She’s Not Having Fun You Have To Stop

“We’ve begun to raise daughters more like sons… but few have the courage to raise our sons more like our daughters.”

- Gloria Steinem, feminist, journalist and activist

“This is what consent looks like”- Planned Parenthood

Lots of sharable graphics / printable posters from this awesome campaign here

Watch Sad13’s (Speedy Ortiz’s Sadie Dupuis) “Get a Yes” Video

Source  

More info:

7 Rules For Fun And Consensual Sex, Courtesy Of Planned Parenthood

Education about consent is sexual assault prevention.

More posts on teaching consent and consent culture

An important time to remind you all that men, while statistically less likely to be sexually assaulted, can also be victims of rape! There are thousands of examples online about women drugging, beating, and raping men that are shrugged off as a joke- ASSAULT IS NOT A PUNCHLINE. Guys out there, if someone is coming onto you and you aren’t feeling it- you have the right to say no. There’s nothing wrong with that. It’s disgusting how men get brushed off so often as a joke. Nobody deserves that

instagram | rusticmallows

2019-11-24

https://www.instagram.com/hwantastic79vivid/

2019-11-03

https://www.instagram.com/hwantastic79vivid/

some of y'all didnt grow up as the person nobody has a crush on and it really shows

some of yall never have to deal with the constant doubt in your own ability to be loved to the point where you get second hand embarrassment at the idea of someone being in love with you and finding you attractive because you’ve been diagnosed with ugly and cringy your whole life and it really shows

10 YEARS SINCE THE BEST BOYS EVER CAME INTO MY LIFE I CANT EVEN

No thanks

A guy at a princess store in Disneyland was asking me if I related to Merida in any way and I was like

“I don’t know man. I’m more of an Elinor.”

And he busted out laughing.

What I love most about this movie is that shows that being a princess is not wearing a beautiful dress, marrying a prince and live happily ever after, but a job, a hard job with duties and responsibilities were a lot of people depend on you

being the Lady of a medieval estate was SUCH AN IMPORTANT FUCKING JOB AND SO FUCKING FULL OF HARD WORK WHICH MEDIEVAL MEN ACKNOWLEDGED TBH

(one problem with perception of medieval gender roles is that most of the people who were writing, especially those who were writing HISTORY, were CLERGYMEN who had never been married and lived in a weird situation cut off from the way the rest of the world worked and had like no actual life experience with the real world - and then popular culture’s idea of it has been heavily informed by VICTORIAN choices of who and what to translate and popularize)

upper class medieval women were expected to run and manage the entire estate that they got from their husband (or that they already had in their own right through inheritance or as their marriage portion), a job which was acknowledged as being way difficult and requiring a wife with strength and fortitude and business sense if you wanted to be a successful person

they were the HR managers of households that might have over a hundred people in, and tho a duchess or a queen would certainly not go to the store to do the household shopping, and she probably had a steward to assist her, it was ultimately her responsibility to know what things were needed for that household, to make sure that the appropriate people obtained those things, to oversee the use of the household materials, to make sure that EVERYTHING got done so that ALL those people could live and work smoothly. they wrote letters and managed the business of the estate and networked with other members of the nobility for both important game-of-thrones political reasons and for smaller more personal reasons like ‘that guy has a really nice deer chase, so if i send him some marmalade from our garden, he might send some venison back as a return gift”

even in lower class households mom managed everything and women were basically considered to be shrewder and have better heads for that particularly kind of business than men and choosing a wise wife was the best thing you could do for yourself as a man who intended to be successful

they were like hands-on CEOs and shit yo and don’t get me wrong society was sexist as fuck and they were limited as hell in what they could do and everything was classist beyond belief but no way was being a noblewoman just a matter of sitting up a tower looking pretty & the contributions that they made are so important

also, the ladies of castles were responsible for defense when their husband was away at war (which happened a lot), so while personally participating in battle was unusual (though not entirely unheard-of) they did often find themselves in strategic command. and in wartime they frequently functioned as a sort of de facto logistics officer.

oh, and has anyone mentioned diplomacy. because an arranged marriage is only the START of a princess’s diplomatic career. the alliance she forges with her marriage is one she’s responsible for maintaining her entire life. unless she decides to go ahead and take over the country; that’s been an option too from time to time. :D

suddenly i really want to see a disney movie about a princess AFTER the wedding — forging a political bond with her new husband, defending the castle, sending troops and supplies to make sure he comes home from the war, reading secret reports from her spies in the enemy’s court… *swoon*

YES.

And I’ve tried to touch on this with Merida, because ALL OF THIS? THIS is why Merida has absolutely ZERO desire to get married or (eventually) become Queen. Because it means her life - every second of her free time - going down the drain as she becomes more and more tangled up in running the castle AND the kingdom.

(This is also why Elinor’s such a freaking BAMF, she’s got this shit down, man.)

I also loved that this movie featured Merida realizing just what her mother was trying to teach her about commanding a room, and getting shit done. This movie was a mother-daughter movie with both sides conceding on certain points. Elinor realises she has been too focused on the big picture, and not her daughter’s actual valid problems with this future plan that has removed her agency, and Merida recognises her mother has been trying to teach her valuable life skills. The two of them learn how to talk to one another again, to treat each other like actual, flawed and multi-faceted people, and their relationship is stronger for it.

@deadcatwithaflamethrower, because you definitely touched on that with Rowena’s part of OaLC and it’s fascinating!

Medieval ladies of all classes were motherfuckin’ BAMFs.

i hope to see them interact more in the future. hanzo's a sly snake and is sin personified while hotaru is a genuine and innocent firefly - and i love them both.

Masanari was surprisingly like a doting older cousin

Tips on Character Consistency

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Have A “Get Into Character” Routine

If you’re having an unusual amount of trouble keeping a character and their behaviors and thought process consistent in your writing, it might just be that you’re not used to being in their head. This is especially common with first person POV stories, and I recommend surrounding yourself with things that embody them as a person, make a playlist of songs that you know they’d enjoy and listen to it before you write (or during, if you listen to music while you draft), and do what is necessary to make their actions and thoughts create a distinct, unmistakeable person. 

Have A Short List of Details To Pay Attention To

Characters and people are both complex, and therefore it’s difficult to reduce them down to a few key things that set them apart from others. However, when you’re writing, it can help with getting their tendencies down if you focus on 4-5 things you can emphasize in their actions and (inner or outer) monologue. Be holistic in the way you summarize them by picking vastly different aspects of their personality. Focus on one of their fatal flaws, one of their most admirable traits, one of their habits and how it can be good and bad for them, their attitude (outward and inward), etc. 

Know Their Mindset

Everybody has a unique way that they think about the world that is formed by their environment, experiences, and motivations. If you’re having trouble conjuring this mindset as you develop them in your writing, it may be a sign that you just have to sit down and map it out. Pick 3-5 moments in their life that shape their very thought process. Analyze their background and speculate about the many ways this might affect their thoughts and actions in various situations that might present themselves. Randomly choose five situations that may come up in your story and really think hard about how they would want that situation to go and why. 

Know Their Values

Nobody has the same definition of right, nor wrong. This is key to the way people live their lives, and it’s imperative that you know your character’s definitions and how they were formed. It’s also important to know your character’s limits outside of these definitions. What would make them do something they see as wrong? What would it take to convince them that what they believe is wrong is okay? You’d be surprised how relevant this is in any kind of story.

Know Their Motivations

As I previously mentioned, it’s important to know what they want. However, it’s important to look deeper than simply what they’re after. What do they think they want? What to they actually want? What do they need? How does this affect the conflict and other characters day-to-day?

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