First kiss
- 4K (finished)
- Soukoku High School AU
- Sweet wholesome tooth-rotting fluff
- A bit of internalized homophobia on Chuuya's part because he is so not gay
- If this feels like it's inspired by "What's Your Name", you're very right (but VERY loosely).
Chuuya is a new kid at school Dazai goes to and he is instantly head over heels for him but Chuuya claims that he isn’t gay. Still, he became friends with Dazai, even though somewhat reluctantly. They don’t see each other outside of their literature class and gym, but occasionally they have run-ins with one another in the local arcade.
It was all good until one day Chuuya let it slip that he finds that dating a man is kinda weird. He didn’t think it was normal, even if he had nothing against it. Dazai didn’t say anything to that, he just hummed and went back to playing on his phone.
Chuuya didn’t think twice about it.
It’s all well and good for Chuuya, new school, lots of new friends until he noticed that Dazai is acting weird.
Sitting by himself a lot, reading during class, sometimes even taking a nap. Teachers were weirdly not paying attention to it, and it was only later when one of Chuuya’s friends whispered to him that it was because he was the principal’s kid, so he could kinda do what he wanted as long as he got good grades.
Chuuya found it… odd, at the very least. Dazai acted more reserved every day towards him, didn’t come to the arcade, and then one day he didn’t come to class. And then the next. And the next.
Until he reappeared almost three weeks later, looking…. Different. Half of his body was wrapped in bandages, and Chuuya immediately came up to him asking what the hell happened. Only instead of a smile and an explanation he got told to piss off.
Nakahara was very confused. Yeah, they weren’t the closest of friends, but surely, Dazai didn’t have to be so rude to him.
“What’s your problem?” He asked, annoyed.
“A tiny slug is in my face, asking for things that don’t concern him is my problem.”
Chuuya felt like he wanted to punch Dazai, but he knew he’d be the one getting in trouble, so he let it go.
More time went on, and it became painfully obvious that Dazai didn’t really talk to… anyone, anymore. He spent a lot of his time with their literature teacher, Oda, but aside from that, nobody saw Osamu at social gatherings or anywhere outside of class.
Chuuya didn’t know why it bothered him so much. They have only known each other for three months, he shouldn’t be this pressed about it, right?
He spent his days with Yuan and Shiraze, going to classes and the arcade with them, a couple of parties here and there. Normal stuff.
But then one day he sawDazai at the arcade again. By himself. Not playing anything, just kinda standing in a corner, looking at the machines like he didn’t know what to do with them.
Chuuya told his friends he’d be right back, debating how to approach Dazai. He wasn’t sure that he should, but… something must have been going on for him to be acting in such a way.
“Oi, Dazai,” he greeted, leaning on a game machine they used to play together, “how are you?”
Osamu looked at him with a blank stare.
“Chuuya. Didn’t know I’d run into you. We’ll leave.”
“Huh!? What? Who’s we?”
“Wouldn’t want to ruin your Saturday.”
Now Chuuya was most certainly confused. What the hell? Was Dazai mad at something? Then why didn’t he say anything?
“Dazai, I don’t know what’s going on but…”
He was interrupted when Dazai’s companion came back, a tall, lanky foreign exchange student, who didn’t even spare Chuuya a glance at first.
“Sorry, I took so long, darling.”
Darling!? What sort of a friend was he?
“Oh, Fyodor, this is umm… This is Chuuya,” Dazai ignored the pet name and introduced him.
“Oh, so that’s Chuuya. Well, I must say,” he stepped closer, towering over Chuuya, clearly trying to be intimidating, “not what I imagined.”
“Dazai, who’s this?”
Chuuya knew he didn’t have the right to ask Dazai anything, but he wasn’t sure why. Maybe they weren’t the closest of friends, but he thought they got along.
And now he was here with some guy who was calling him pet names?! What the hell? Was Dazai… But that… that surely didn’t mean…
“He is my…” Dazai started, but before he can finish, Fyodor did it for him.
“Date. I’m his date, Nakahara.” He said, placing his arm around Osamu’s waist, which seemed thinner than usual. “Does it bother you?”
Yeah, it bothered him all right, but not for the reasons he expected. A sudden feeling of anger rose inside of Chuuya, and under Dazai’s absent gaze, it only boiled more, threatening to explode.
He knew this feeling, really surprised to be experiencing it now, but he could ponder over that later.
“Yeah it fucking does. Who the hell are you?”
“Chuuya, don’t…” Dazai started and weaved his way out of Fyodor’s grip. “It’s none of your concern.”
“Is this why you wouldn’t talk to me anymore!?
Chuuya was mad, about to explode, actually. Hopefully, in Fyodor’s face, whose smug smile was not doing any favors for his self-control.
“You thought… what? I say one thing and you just ditch me? I didn’t know you were….” He lowered his voice to make sure Yuan and Shiraze didn’t overhear, who already were looking in their direction, “You never told me you were gay.”
“Why would he?” Fyodor interjected again, getting on Chuuya’s nerves. “You said that you think it’s weird.”
Nakahara wanted to punch him if only to shut him up. He wanted to hear Dazai say it, to explain, what the hell was going on, not some jerk who was getting in the way.
“He can answer for himself! Dazai,” he takes a deep breath, “can we talk? Alone?”
Osamu looked… conflicted. Chuuya could see it plain as day on his oh-so-unreadable face, how he doubted and how a part of him wanted to say yes.
But Fyodor interjected again.
“Actually, we’re leaving. Osamu, let’s find someplace without… these types of people.”
He grabbed Dazai’s hand, who let himself be led towards the exit, leaving Chuuya alone with his thoughts.
He hid behind a game machine to think. Everything happened so quickly…
A date. Dazai was here on a date. What the hell? But he never said… why did he never say anything?
Later at home, he continued to think about everything, trying to reach some sort of a conclusion that would explain Dazai’s odd behavior.
The change in him was too sudden, and Chuuya wasn’t sure what to make of it. He thought back to the time when they first met, how soft Dazai appeared, even if slightly reserved, how shyly he smiled sometimes and blushed when Chuuya did something galant like open the door for him or bring him coffee. How Osamu helped him with homework instead of sleeping because Nakahara was falling behind since the program at this school was too advanced for him. How he brought Chuuya a flower to school one time, placing it behind his ear and said that white suited him….
Oh. No way. But that….
No way!
Chuuya almost jumped up on the bed when a sudden realization hit him. This… made sense, considering how Osamu reacted to such a tiny statement.
He’d have to find him, preferably when Fyodor wasn’t around, and talk to him. As soon as possible.
***
The morning was a drag for Chuuya. He couldn’t sit still, thinking over his suspicions, roaming around the house, and cleaning like a maniac until his older sister Koyou asked him what is going on.
“As much as I adore a clean house, this isn’t normal for you. Did something happen at school?” she asked while opening a bottle of lemonade and placing it in front of him.
“What? Nothing ha…” he paused under her stern gaze, “well, something may have, but.. It’s not… Okay fine, Dazai’s been acting weird and yesterday I saw him on a date! At the arcade, we used to go to! It’s not…”
Chuuya wasn’t sure what he was trying to say. Isn’t fair? He didn’t own the arcade, and he himself went there with other people. It’s not right? He was certain he felt that way, but the subtle tinge of discomfort that he started feeling last night at the thought that Dazai may have stopped being his friend because he offhandedly said something bigoted and it accidentally hit home now was turning into outright self-deprecation and guilt.
“Dazai, that’s…”
“Yes, Mori-san’s kid.”
Koyou seemed to think of something for a second and then asked:
“He isn’t friends with you anymore?”
“No. He just disappeared for like three weeks and then returned, covered in bandages, refusing to say a word to me. I don’t know what happened and he never told me.”
“Did you ask?”
Chuuya suddenly realized that maybe he hadn’t. He thought he had, but he never tried to actually find out what happened. He sort of gave up on their friendship and now he was acting all jealous when he had no right to be.
“Not really.”
“Maybe you should.”
“I tried, he told me to bugger off.”
Koyou raised her eyebrows.
“When?”
“When he first stopped talking to me, and then yesterday, when he was with that… person.”
“Why does it bother you so much?”
Chuuya wished he knew the answer to it, but aside from the fact that he felt physically sick at the thought of Fyodor kissing Osamu, holding his waist or his hand, hugging him, and spending time with him, he couldn’t come up with a reason.
“Because he was with…”
He wanted to say it. He really did. He trusted his sister a lot, she has always been there for him ever since they moved here to get away from their father, who drank a little too much and didn’t mind beating up his son occasionally. Koyou turned eighteen and got parental rights, even though she was only a few years older than Chuuya. He has been forever grateful to her that she didn’t leave him behind. She could have, it would have been easier for her to escape that place. But instead of going to university, she found a job at the school Chuuya now went to, as a secretary, working for Mori-san.
Which presented a problem. He couldn’t out Dazai like this, even if he knew that Koyou wouldn’t say anything, there must have been a reason why Dazai hadn’t told anyone about being gay.
“He was with who?”
“This girl I like,” he forced himself to say, even though for some reason the idea of Dazai being with someone else on a date also did not excite him.
Koyou’s expression changed from a puzzled one to an amused one, and then she burst out laughing.
“This girl you like? Okay, you don’t have to tell me if you’re not ready, but just so you know, it’s fine if you’re…”
Chuuya looked like a deer in the headlights.
“If I’m what?!”
“You know,” she smiled softly, trying not to giggle, “if you’re gay.”
“I AM NOT GAY!! Didn’t I just tell you that there is this girl I like? Weren’t you listening?”
“Bi, then? Or something else… It’s all fine, Chuuya, really, I wouldn’t love you any less, you can tell me. It’s completely fine if you like boys…”
“I DO NOT!”
He didn’t feel rage, just fear, and he couldn’t tell where it was coming from. Koyou, however, saw it plain as day.
“Look,” she placed a palm over his, “I know our dad wasn’t… the best, but he can’t harm you anymore. You don’t have to fear, he’ll never find us. and if he does, it won’t be for years, not until he gets out.”
The emotions were now drowning Chuuya, overwhelming him ever so slightly. Fear, yes, but also something else, something he couldn’t quite recognize. But he didn’t want to push his sister away, not after everything she’s done for him.
“Koyou… It’s not… I’m not… This isn’t about me,” was all that he could mutter.
“Okay. So what is this about? Dazai?”
“I’m worried about him.”
And miss him.
“Look, darling, you won’t do anyone any favors by blowing up like I’m sure you did. Why don’t you talk to him? I’m going over to Mori-san’s house today for dinner with our colleagues, would you like to come with me? Dazai will be there and you two can talk without being interrupted. Plus I’m sure he’d like the company.”
***
Chuuya really was an expert at lying to himself by the time Koyou’s car pulled up to the large house at the end of the lane about putting any thought into his appearance. He certainly hasn’t spent forty minutes styling his hair, and he also didn’t change three outfits before deciding on back jeans, a t-shirt, and his green jacket. And no, he didn’t feel tempted to put eyeliner on. None of those things.
Koyou took the ignition key out and smiled at her brother.
“Ready?”
“Sure,” he lied.
The large house was more like a mansion, unlike anything either of them had seen before. Koyou had visited Mori-san here previously, but Chuuya paused in front of the large staircase, staring at the ceiling.
Was that a fucking chandelier?
“Koyou-san, welcome!” Mori came out to greet them both, “and Chuuya-kun, nice of you to join us. Keeping your sister company, I’d imagine?”
“Actually, I’m…”
“It was my idea, Mori-san. I thought Osamu could use a friend after… the incident. Is he home?”
The incident? Did something happen? Chuuya looked at Koyou, hoping for an explanation, but nothing came. She wasn’t even looking at him.
Mori, however, seemed to know exactly what she was talking about. If Chuuya didn’t know any better, he’d think that he seemed relieved.
“Oh, that’s a wonderful idea. Osamu was already whining all day about how much he didn’t want to attend… Well, all the better.” He turned to Chuuya. “Dazai is upstairs. Do you know where his room is? It’s second to the right, by the bathroom at the end of the hall.”
“I’m sure I’ll find it.”
***
That he did, rather quickly, too. Chuuya reached the end of the corridor and he was suddenly struck with a thought, what the hell was he doing here? Why did he come to see Dazai? Maybe he should have asked Mori-san to call Dazai down, but it’s already too late. He is here, standing in front of Dazai’s door, palms sweating.
He took a deep breath and knocks.
“Go away, dad, I told you, I’m not going.”
“Dazai, it’s me. Chuuya.”
No answer came at first, but instead, a noise, and then the door opened.
“Chuuya, what are you doing here?”
He isn’t sure what to say, mainly because he doesn’t know himself. What is he doing here, really? He doesn’t know the truth so he opts for the next best thing.
“I came to talk to you.”
Instead of resistance, Chuuya is met with that blank stare again, and then Dazai opens the door wider to let him in.
The room is not as big as he imagines it to be, but the blank walls make it seem larger. A bed, a table, and an overfilled bookcase are all that show that the room is lived in. As if this wasn’t a room of a teenager who lived here for years.
Dazai was wearing a t-shirt and sweatpants, with the bandages being his now ever-present accessory. He dropped onto the bed, waving his hand to show Chuuya to sit next to him.
Nakahara does so, somewhat reluctantly, and glances at Dazai who went back to playing on his phone. Not even looking at him, it seems.
“You’ve got a lot of books.”
“Is that what you came to talk to me about? My literature collection? No need.”
Chuuya sighed, instead of feeling angry.
“Are you mad at me?”
“Why would I be mad at chibi?” Dazai scoffed.
“You tell me. You’ve been gone a long time and then you came back, looking like this, you weren’t speaking to me anymore. And yesterday… I’m just trying to find out what’s going on.”
“Are you now? That’s rich, coming from you.”
“Oh my god, can you just tell me what’s wrong so I can at least know what the fuck I did wrong? And put that damn thing down, I’m trying to talk to you.”
“Fine,” Dazai put the phone down, leaving the match and side turned to Chuuya. “What is it that my darling Chuuya wants to know?”
“I already asked.”
“I guess you did. You are here because you’re wondering what made me so upset. Have you considered that I just don’t want to be your friend anymore?”
That felt like a bucket of cold water over his head. But before he could reply, Dazai continued.
“But what’s gotten you so upset, chibi? You’ve got plenty of other friends. Like what’s his name and Yuan.”
“Shiraze.”
“Whatever.”
“And so did you, it seems, but now you’re not talking to anyone at all. What happened?”
Dazai half smiled, but the creases of his eyes remained smooth. Chuuya was sitting close enough to notice.
“I still have one friend.”
That almost made Chuuya see red, but he forced himself to calm down.
“Fyodor? I thought he was your…” it almost pained him to say it, “boyfriend.”
Apparently, his emotion showed it, because Dazai chuckled bitterly.
“Is that so disgusting to you?”
“What? No, that’s not… It’s not that he is a guy, Dazai, he’s just… I don’t know. He isn’t good for you. You know what they say about him.”
He was certain Dazai heard the rumors of why Fyodor moved to Japan in the first place, how much trouble he was in his old school back in Russia.
“Not good for me? Since when are you this caring?”
“I don’t know, Dazai, since we’ve been friends until one day you decided that you didn’t want to be my friend anymore? And yes, not good for you. You had plenty of completely normal friends who are not using you for… whatever he needs.”
“What, like you?”
That stung, but Nakahara chose to bite the bullet for the time being, since at least Dazai was talking to him now.
“I’m among them.”
“Thinking quite highly of ourselves, are we?”
Chuuya was getting tired of this. He was here, actually trying to find out what the fuck happened, but Dazai was still not budging, just sitting, hutched, not even looking at him. This made Chuuya do something he hadn’t expected himself to do.
He moved closer to Dazai and turned his face toward him, taking him off guard.
“Look at me, would you? Osamu… what the hell happened? I promise I won’t tell anyone, lord knows I can keep a fucking secret.” He placed a palm over Dazai’s holding his hand in his, noticing with glee that the latter wasn’t taking it away. He seemed so surprised that he didn’t move at all. “You were gone and I…. I fucking miss you, okay? I don’t know what I did, but can you tell me at least if I can make it right? Please?”
Dazai didn’t react at first, but then his gaze trailed lower and Chuuya felt a thumb caressing his hand. Gently, barely noticeable, but enough to send a pleasant feeling down his spine and… lower. Enough to make his heart flutter.
Fuck. Maybe Koyou was right… No, she couldn’t have been, he isn’t one of those… But how could he think about it now, when Dazai was so close, smiling sadly at him? Chuuya felt himself blush suddenly and almost heard his heartbeat when Osamu moved even closer, stopping a few inches from his lips. He looked into his eyes, not blinking for a moment, and then whispered.
“Don’t move away and I’ll tell you.”
Half a second later, Chuuya felt the warm lips on his own, pressing slightly, not pushing or trying to open his mouth, just touching gently. He felt as if the heat in the room had gone up by twenty degrees, and all the thoughts he had in his mind disappeared instantly. Somewhere in the back of his mind, while he was already drowning in the pleasant feeling of Dazai kissing him (DAZAI KISSING HIM?!!?), Chuuya remembered to do what he was told and didn’t move.
Osamu kissed him softly, when he didn’t meet any resistance, he moved his body a little closer to Chuuya’s, and sucked on his lower lip a little. His one hand moved to cup Chuuya’s face, while another placed the hand it was holding on Dazai’s chest, above his rapidly beating heart.
Looks like he wasn’t the only one nervous.
Chuuya let Dazai lead more out of surprise as well as lack of knowledge of what to do. It was his first kiss, after all, and he never thought it would happen with another boy! But it felt so perfect… Osamu smelled of apples and bandages, and his lips were soft, softer than anything in the world, hearing him whimper slightly when Chuuya finally answered him… It felt like heaven. Absolute bliss.
The kiss, however, ended just as abruptly as it started, but Dazai didn’t move away. He merely pressed his forehead against Chuuya and closed his eyes for a second, smiling in resignation. Nakahara didn’t have time to worry about it, however. He was too busy counting Osamu’s eyelashes and trying to calm down his breathing.
“Now you know what happened,” Dazai whispered. “I’m not mad at chibi. Quite the opposite, actually.” He grazed the back of his hand on Chuuya’s cheekbone, smiling softly, and placed another small kiss on his lip. “But I didn’t lie. I don’t want to be friends anymore.”
“Oh,” was all that Nakahara managed to respond at first. Then, gathering his thoughts, he added, “I see.”
It must have been the wrong thing to say, because Dazai moved away suddenly, although still not breaking eye contact.
“So you still think… it’s weird, I’m assuming.”
He remembered the conversation ever since Fyodor brought it up, and even though his serotonin-flushed brain was trying to catch up desperately, Chuuya suddenly put the pieces together.
“No!” He blurted out.
“No?”
“Why didn’t you tell me that… that you… I… I would have…”
“I’m telling you now.”
That he was, and Chuuya felt like the biggest idiot in the world. He wasn’t sure how he felt about this whole potentially most definitely being gay, but the only thing he knew for a fact right now was that he wanted Dazai to kiss him again. And again. A hundred thousand more times.
“Chuuya,” Dazai smiled, blushing a little, “say something. I just confessed to you, after all. Doesn’t that warrant a response?”
“Yes, right. I’m sorry.”
Dazai lifted an eyebrow, looking suspicious.
“Not for this, this was great. Fantastic actually. Ten out of ten.”
That made Osamu giggle, and wasn’t it the best sound in the whole world? Right after that cute whimper…. oh god. He would never get enough of this, would he? He is actually gay!
“I’m sorry I said that… that thing that one time. That’s what it was, right? I upset you?” Chuuya found strength and confidence in him to brush his hand against Dazai’s face. Osamu trembled at that slightly, making Chuuya want to soothe him more. Vulnerability was a good look on him.
He wanted to see more.
“I’ve upset you, and I… look, my dad…”
He wanted to tell Dazai about why they moved so badly, but the embarrassment at having his own dad beat him up for something so stupid as watching kpop videos and putting on eyeliner like the idols he liked was far too great. He wasn’t ready.
“I know. Mori told me. Well, he didn’t tell me tell me, I read your file.”
“You read what?!”
“Now, there, chibi, don’t be mad,” Dazai chuckled, and kissed his cheek, making Chuuya blush more. If that was even possible. “How could I resist? A beauty like you moving to our little town… I had to find out why.” Then suddenly he seemed solemn and a little bit sad. “I was hoping you’d tell me one day yourself.”
“I just… it’s… I don’t know…”
Chuuya suddenly felt himself at a loss for words. It wasn’t an excuse, not really, and there were too many things he needed to deal with now; but all that moved away again when he felt another touch of the softest lips in the world on his own.
Osamu kissed him again but with more passion this time, first on the corner of his lips, then directly on the mouth, warming Chuuya’s heart and filling his stomach with butterflies. he broke the kiss again (this was really becoming a horrid habit of his) and spoke:
“I thought you’d find me… Disgusting.”
Chuuya squeezed Dazai’s hand he was still holding.
“No, no, Osamu, it’s not… Hang on. Fyodor for sure isn’t your boyfriend, right?”
A chuckle he heard was as bright as the sun.
“No,” Dazai shook his head, smiling, “I’m pretty sure I’m taken. If Chuuya finally says something, that is.”
Suddenly, Nakahara felt so light, as if the weight had been lifted off his shoulders. He wasn’t sure where this feeling came from, but he never wanted it to disappear. He never wanted to make Osamu upset ever again.
“You are taken. No letting you go any time soon.”
