I'm a social disease.

me when I’m at the club on Halloween dressed like a friar and I have a fainting spell because of my low iron but the nice twink in the slutty Cupid costume helps me and is understanding

just like donna summer said toot toot beep beep

Straight people when the worst song you’ve ever heard comes on:

why do stores always say ‘gifts for her’??? who is she? why are millions of americans being encouraged to buy gifts for this entity? someone explain

we must appease Her

my favorite is when Kermit’s facial expression is simultaneously an obvious hand in a puppet but also an instantly recognizable and relatable emotion

it’s dangerous to go alone. take this

thanks

my anal cavity

I’m resigning thanks everyone!

By FDASuarez

Robyn needs to calm the fuck down

ah yes i was looking for a soap dispenser labeled “ketchup” with a picture of grapes

I really want this bottle in my bathroom. I’d place it next to matching decorative soaps and towels as if it seems like it fits, but I’ll actually fill the thing up with ketchup. So when I have guests over and they decide to use the bathroom, they will see this bottle and have a moment of cognitive dissonance, “This [Soap Bottle] in the [Bathroom] is labelled [Ketchup], so surely it must dispense [Soap] instead of [Ketchup] despite the label saying [Ketchup] right?” and then let them have a moment of realization followed by abject horror as they pump viscous ketchup all over their hands instead of soap

There’s a glitch in the matrix

every other day i must drag my body past these horrifying fruit effigies the next door produce shop has put up in an effort to deter the harvest god from taking back the seasons fruit. again and again i must look into their wild eyes, see their many gnashing teeth and shudder - the apples inside remains fresh and crisp, but at what cost

Update!

#mr city was my father please call me owl

Brushes you with an egg white wash so you'll develop a nice glaze in the oven

hey thanks