@mothgyaru, the most wonderful one here

AYE AYE CAPTAIN!

AYE AYE CAPTAIN!

CAP-TAIN ROG-ERS!

CAP-TAIN ROG-ERS!

CAP-TAIN ROG-ERS!

[x]

Is this gonna be a thing every 4th of July ?

This is the one thing I’m posting about 4th of july

Only day you can rb this

Happy Pride!

Every pride, you must reblog this. No exceptions

I love that four different people on my feed scheduled this joyous person to reblog by 8am on June 1. I look forward to seeing this a dozen more times today.

Graweedy Falls

literally have had this queued for a year

In honor of the holiday

Y’all gonna just forget Nichijoint like that?

This is the only obnoxious weed joke post I’ll post all 4/20 but some of these are legitimately funny

Queued for a whole year cunts, greetings from 2019

why hello there from 2021

These kinds of responses are my FAVORITE. Some examples to answers to this question I have heard:

1.

“Okay, and who’s the president?”

“Obama, no wait, shit *vehemently* fuck, I hate him… what’s his name…”

“It’s okay, you know who he is.”

2.

“Who’s the president?”

“*drunkenly angry and confused* ..uhhhhhhh…Orange… damn it what’s the fuck’s name….

“Yup, good enough.”

3.

“And who’s the president,”

“Not fuckin’ Obama!”

“I feel ya.”

4.

“Who’s the president- wait, nevermind you’re from Korea you said, right? So who’s-“

“Everybody knows that Trump-bitch.”

“Oh, well, alright then.”

5. (My personal favorite)

“Who’s the president?”

“Ew.”

“Good enough.”

My roommate is a neurologist and has to do this check all the time. Her all-time favorite so far has been “ay dios mio” during which the woman was vigorously crossing herself.

lol me too , lady

One time I got “that orange fuck” from a very cute little old lady with urosepsis

I have - quite unintentionally - contributed to this phenomenon.

I was waking up from surgery in the post-op observation room, where they kept people before sending them off to the ICU. The nurse was talking to me as I was semi-awake, telling me that as soon as it was ready, I would be sent to room 2008.

I did not hear the word “room”.

I started trying to sit up and get out of bed (entirely unsuccessfully), shouting (mumbling forcefully), “He’s not president yet! I have to warn everyone!”

That’s awesome. Thank you for trying to warn us

i’ve been looking for this post for ages and it finally crossed my dash again

(( *smiles* the post is back))

Paramedics had to stop asking “who’s the prime minister?” in Australia because it changed so often that not knowing the answer wasn’t really all that indicative of anything.

One paramedic reported receiving the answer “I haven’t watched the news today”.

Meanwhile in Germany, the joke goes that a teenager is waking up in a hospital bed, the nurse asks them who the chancellor is and they say, “hang on are you telling me that can change?”

which is even funnier because it has in fact recently changed

In the canine world, humans are celestial beings who live for more than 500 years at a time. The caretaker of you and the past seven generations of your family will die soon.

when i say i screamed ..

The game is called Death Trips, and it’s played completely straight until this exact moment.

She mocked up everything been pressed by hydraulic compressor

Source

In the final moments of the battle, all seemed lost. The hero stood bleeding and broken before the demon’s feet. Then, out of nowhere, a mad man in pajamas punches the demon so hard its insides become outsides. No one knows who this strange man was or where he went to.

To avoid deer strikes, Finland is painting deer antlers with reflective paint.

politics brain poisoning is bad because i first read this and thought “i can’t believe they’d prevent the deer from going on strike”

the idea of two aromantic platonic partners having a “convenience marriage” is like my favorite thing right now I’m both getting really excited and cracking up over the possibilities I mean just imagine:

#we got married because weddings are really exciting and we can plan it how we want it and it doesn’t need to include kissing bc that can be weird#but it gives us an excuse to have a dessert table#because dESSERT TABLE#I just want dessert table festivities#festivities around a dessert table#ahh#desssseeeeerrrrrt#CHEESECAKES THOOOOOOOO#YOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO 

this is the most important addition anyone has made to this post bless you and may the Force be with you my friend

#aromantic couple that learns about the practice of getting married again to ‘reaffirm your commitment’#and proceeds to get married every year#and every year the dessert table is bigger and more extravagent#and they start experimenting with variations on the ceremony (x)

#we got married because we only needed to buy one copy of each book #we got married because then no one goes to the movies alone #we got married because then we got to design WEDDING CLOTHES #we got married because pillow fights #we got married because this makes emergency contact info much easier #we got married because weirding out conservatives (x)

 We got married because broadway duets while doing chores, we got married because HALF AS MANY CHORES, we got married because surprise cookies on bad days, we got married because surprise cookies on GOOD days, we got married so we’d never have to ask the other if we could come over today again, we got married so our parents would stop asking (x)

#we got married because someone will get meds when we’re sick #we got married because secondary income #we got married because joint big finish account #we got married because two people can walk more dogs than one person which means more dogs #we got married because broadway duets while doing anything #we got married because only one of us likes cooking and the other is fine with dishes #we got married because both of us like cooking and we can trade off #we got married because help with disabilities and someone who doesn’t judge #we got married because of the satisfaction of hearing ‘have you found someone yet’ and getting to say ‘yes’ and hang up #we got married because anniversary parties are even more fun than weddings #MORE DESSERT TABLES #we got married because couples discounts on things

(

x

)

#we got married because two people can walk more dogs than one person which means more dogs PERFECT

I want y'all to pause for a moment and consider this: all of the things that people have cited above? Those are the things, in my experience, that make marriage ACTUALLY work in the long run. Splitting the work, taking care of each other, walking the dogs, sharing tasks because I am okay with folding laundry while my spouse hates it but he’ll carry the heavy baskets for me, because singing duets in the car is fun, because sometimes I worked all day and he’s on leave right now so he made dinner and made my favorite pasta dish with fresh tomatoes… those are the REAL reasons a marriage works. So think about this for a moment because romance is, frankly, very secondary to what makes a marriage work in the long term. Partnership, task-sharing, friendship, all of those things are the true thing that will tell you whether a marriage will stand the test of time. So it’s not that I’m saying that aromantic relationships are like taking a “normal” relationship and taking out the romance, I’m saying that IF YOUR RELATIONSHIP WOULD NOT STAND UP WITHOUT THE ROMANCE IN IT, DON’T GET MARRIED. We should in fact consider the aromantic “platonic lifemate” as the ideal BASIS for a marriage in the long term. We should be looking at platonic lifemates and saying, “do we measure up to that standard? Is our love for each other aromantic TOO? Are we at that bedrock?” Because you will go through periods in your life, and your marriage, where even if you love one another romantically and deeply, there won’t be much romance. Maybe, you know, your spouse just got part of her spine removed, or you are really stressed out by work, or a move, or your dog/cat/kid/mouse/pet tarantula is sick, or your neighbor is crazy and intruding on your space, and you will NEED EACH OTHER but there won’t be much romance in it. If you can’t be platonic partners, if you don’t stand up to that ideal, seriously consider this. Consider BUILDING this as part of building your relationship – and use it as a good test for whether or not sex/romance is covering up serious communication issues, or abuse. I submit that we should refer to this as the New Platonic Ideal. Thank you.

are men okay?

NO

my husband told me, after many years of being together, that when he was about 7 a teacher used to single him out for being disrespectful at school. Apparently his disrespectful offense was “smirking” too much???? So he got punished for smiling???? And eventually just trained himself to stop smiling so this teacher would leave him alone???? And that’s why he has such a stoic facial expression now and can’t smile for photographs.

I had to.....privately cry after hearing that one

Wow

It’s the only way men are able to discuss their issues because society taught them that they shouldn’t burden people with their issues or that their issues are meaningless or that their issues aren’t actually a thing. Sharing anecdotes with friends is one way of talking about it, because they feel comfortable enough to share. At the same time, they might just not know that the event was traumatic because it’s trauma y’all.

im-

Take this to be your reminder that men experience trauma too and need a safe space to talk about it. Be that safe space for your friends who are men

I have often heard the argument that girls don’t wanna hear guys problems and like, that’s valid, but if they’re even willing to share it with you in the first place, then invalidating that will probably send them right back to square one. Like. Us guys? We KNOOOOW it sucks. We KNOOOOW it shouldn’t be your problem to deal with our unlearning our bullshit. And we KNOOOOOOW that you’re going to see our issues in plain sight before we do.

But like. Please. If they’re willing to discuss this kinda shit with you. Please try and listen and just be earnest with us. Even if it’s sucks ass and hurts both of us a bit, you have no idea how much guys need this shit. And not just cis-het dudes, bi and gay dudes too. Masculinity is so toxic on so many levels it’s just right fucked.