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apropos

@scribblesafterdark / scribblesafterdark.tumblr.com

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i just don’t want to be sad anymore

i wish i didn’t feel like a waste

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i.. got an offer for the job that i wanted.  i knew i was qualified for it and i’m excited, but i’m also afraid i’ll mess it up? like what if i’m not actually cut out for it? i’m afraid to be a disappointment when someone believed in me enough to want to work with me

i had a bad panic attack last night - i couldn’t feel anything, not even the air blowing on me from the fan - and i wanted to tear all my skin off, it was so itchy and it was terrible 

it’s a little late right now and i can feel the night time anxiety/depression starting to creep in, but i’m also anxious and looking at work computers and if i should accept and if i’ll be okay and i feel like a lot 

i just want to hold my cat but she’s still a baby and is really hyper and it makes me feel overwhelmed sometimes 

i don’t know how to not be overwhelmed or barely treading 

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Listen just fucking listen to me, hearing Take on me by a-ha is such a fucking trip I swear to god I have an out of body experience every time that song comes on. When the beat kicks on and you hear that “tr-r-r-ring~!” you can see it in my eyes that I know I am fucked for the next 3 minutes and 47 seconds. My limbs start grooving one by one under a control that is not mine. The synth starts playing and I’m done, I’m gone, I am the whitest person on the dancefloor, I am Regan from the exorcist, I am squidward from those gifsets, I am every person in a harlem shake video. My body moves on it’s own accord producing a disgusting and liminal performance that is an insult to God Himself. This is my fate and I embrace it. Finally, the beat dissolves and I am free. I collapse to the floor and revel in an afterglow that transcends anything I can comprehend while the synth slowly fades out.

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FMA:B’S HOMUNCULI, THE OUROBOROS TATTOO AND THE SIGNIFICANCE OF ITS PLACEMENT
  • Gluttony; tongue: represents the desire to satisfy his tastebuds.
  • Lust; chest: obviously it puts some focus on her breasts which fuels sexual lust (I’m looking at you, Havoc!) but it also pertains to the temptations of the heart and body in a more broader sense.
  • Envy; thigh: the desire to walk in other people’s shoes. (Yep, that does relate to Envy’s ability to transform into other people.)
  • Greed; hand: the desire to claim all the possessions one wants.
  • Wrath; eye: represents not only the duality within Bradley’s character as a human-based homunculus, but also the window to the soul and its emotional expression which is often concealed under Bradley’s eyepatch and calm demeanour until something in him finally snaps (pretty much always during battle). While he tries to fool those around him with a calm attitude his anger is always simmering just beneath the surface until he eventually frees his eye from its concealment and out comes his full ferocity.  In other words, don’t bottle up your emotions, kids! Anger itself is not inherently evil. It’s a necessary basic emotion that needs a healthy outlet. Hiding it away however like Bradley eventually leads to evil thoughts and actions. That’s what I took from it at least. Also on a visual note, his tattoo gives him a red looking eye which is a common motif for anger and/or evil.
  • Sloth; back: …. Sorry, too much work to explain…. lol jk it’s pretty obvious, though. It’s what you lay on to laze about.
  • Pride; self;  Pride is probably the most interesting homunculus in terms of this list because he doesn’t seem to have the tattoo on him. Instead, due to his egocentrism, he personifies it. He doesn’t want a symbol, he wants to BE the symbol. So he expresses the ouroboros in a number of ways: His shadows tend to act like a serpent; such as when they slither across a surface and coil themselves around their victim (like when Hawkeye was first confronted by him), to even the distorted hissing and rattling sounds they will usually make. His shadowy form also lunge attacks and often resides itself inside a dark, underground tunnel like a snake. But the biggest clue is when he eats his own brother (and threatens to eat Greed too). Pride even tries to justify it as non-cannibalism because ‘’the homunculi are a collective” since they’re all just an aspect of Father. While this might be true it also means that eating his own sibling is basically the same as eating himself. Can you say ouroboros?
  • Father; self: Just like with Pride—- who is practically a replica of Father so anything I wrote about Pride could apply to him too— Father lacks the tattoo and did the exact same thing to a ‘greedy’ family member as Pride did later on.  The manga actually hints at Father (and by extension Pride) representing the Ouroboros for committing this action with Chapter 31 titled “The Snake That Eats its Own Tail.”
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veronica: my dad is in prison and my mom is conducting illegal activity

betty: i think my parents are murderers and are in a blood feud with another family.

jughead: i’m homeless and my dad is a part of a notorious criminal gang

archie: i wanna sing AND play football !!!

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college gothic

  • someone in your class mentions communism. they speak about it at length. you are in biology class.
  • you text your mother. she does not respond for 3 days. you text her again and then realize that it has only been 2 hours since your first text.
  • freshmen travel in packs. what are they afraid of.
  • your class is in room 153. the numbers start at 201. you cannot find the first floor.
  • someone is talking about communism. it is not the same person as last time. this is an english class.
  • your transcript says you have an A in philosophy 3310. you do not remember taking this class. what did you learn? what did you do?
  • you meet your elevator buddy. you do not speak. you never do. you ride in silence. one day, they are not there. you miss them.
  • your advisor refers you to the registrar. the registrar refers you to admissions. admissions refers you to both the registrar and your advisor. you have spoken to two people who do not exist and one who has been dead for ten years.
  • the boy who sits next to you wears the same clothes everyday. you think this is strange but when you mention it, he tells you that this is the first time he has worn this outfit. you realize that you have lived this day before.
  • you pass someone sleeping in the quad. he has always been there. stop looking at him.
  • someone answers, “communism.” it is not someone who has been previously mentioned. the question was, “what is an example of the art of ancient greece?”
  • you have a doppelganger on campus. you have never met them. they know all of your friends.
  • the seniors speak only to professors. their eyes are dead. they have given up the safety of the pack long ago.
  • the professor is talking about STD’s. your math class is very strange.
  • the powerpoint is in comic sans. you suspect that your economics professor is an extraterrestrial being after all.
  • “communism,” the man serving you lunch insists. wearily you nod. that’s what everyone says.
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