April 27 - To anyone who finds this.
I'm not sure how to start this, really. I have never been the person to write down whatever I feel at the moment, but at this point, I don't think it matters now.
I suppose I should probably explain what's happening as of the moment. I don't know what to feel other than the fact I'm too tired to even think what to do next. I don't want to know what happens next.
Just two weeks ago I recieved a call from Maria that Nana, my poor Nana, has fallen seriously ill and is currently bedridden. The doctors did not give her long to live, just a few years at most. God, how my heart broke at the news. I remembered clutching the phone praying to whoever's up there that no, this is not real, it's probably just a terrible joke. I was horribly mistaken.
Maria tried to assure me there's nothing to worry about, that Nana will make it through just like she always did. And God, did I want to believe her. But I knew it wouldn't happen.
And yet, I still want to hold hope for Nana. Maria was right about one thing: Nana is one of the strongest people I know. Even after Uncle passed during the war, she still held on for the family. For me.
I decided that I have to move to Obristan for a while to take care of Nana as soon as possible. I can't leave her while she was in so much pain, I just couldn't. And Maria would probably need all the help she can get. Processing was not easy, but I was able to have the documents I need. My apartment will be soon be under the ownership of a coworker who needed a place to stay for the meantime.
I haven't told Mother about my plans, I knew she wouldn't understand anyway. She and I have never agreed on most things. I didn't trust her much, and I am quite sure she never trusted me much either, despite saying otherwise. I don't believe her one bit.
I told Dad about my decision, and safe to say he wasn't happy about it. Quite contradictory, I know. He says that I'm just throwing everything away, everything I worked hard for. He told me to just let Maria take care of her, that it is none of my concern to do so.
First of all, I didn't ask for this job. I just happened to get hired by some lottery in a city far up north just to get away from my parents. They always expected me to be someone I was not. It wasn't a bad job, giving tours to people around the city, but I couldn't stop thinking about the fact I could've gotten something worse.
I wish I didn't talk to him at all. I knew he wouldn't care anyway.
I'm torn about leaving Paradizna for a long time. I've met good people here, most especially this one guy who works as inspector at the Arstotzkan-Obristan border. Vanya was his name, I think. I remembered giving a tour for him once around the city. It still makes me happy when I think about that time, he was a genuinely sweet man. I wonder if I'll see him at the border.
I don't want to tell anyone else, and definitely not Vanya either. It's honestly just too painful to think about it right now.
I have to turn in for the night soon. It'll only be a matter of time before I have to leave. I don't know when I'll come back again, but I'm sure it wouldn't be for the next year or two.
I'm sorry. I just want to start over again at this point.
(WOAH so this turned out more depressing than I planned for it to be. I just couldn't exactly go without a proper 'conclusion' to Dana as a character, which up until now I still love and adore despite not having a proper backstory for her RIP. I'll still be drawing her in my new blog so there's that. 💕)
(CONTEXT: Nana was Dana's aunt who took care of her when she was young while her parents were at work. Maria is her cousin and her playmate. Nana's husband was Dana's uncle who died during the war while serving as a soldier for the Kolechian side.
Nana and Maria moved back to Obristan shortly before the war broke out, leaving Dana to fend for herself.
Her parents were, to say in the least, not exactly physically present in her life at that time. Though they did their best to care for her, Dana still believes that they misunderstood her constantly and that they kept pushing her to become the daughter of their impossible to reach ideals. At worst, she thought of them as hypocrites.
Dana wanted to pursue her studies to become a historian, but after her parents pulled her out from entering university, it became the final straw for her. She decided to enter the lottery and scored a job as a tour guide in Paradizna in the guise of looking for more opportunities outside her hometown, when in fact she just wanted to get away from her parents.)
