Helpless in Her Hold
//The Drow twins' proposition of Tav surfaces some insecurities for Astaron. Hurt/Comfort, angst but happy ending. CW: Unhealthy relationship to sex/sexuality, identity issues. Not edited... Song Rec: Supposed to Be (Acoustic) By Icon for Hire// Astarion x f!Tav, Canonish, Act 3
Astarion watched, helpless, with his dead heart in his throat as the drow twins propositioned Tav. His Tav. He want to growl it and glower until no one else in this pleasure den deigned to offer their services.
Why did she have to be such a lure for elven whores?
Astarion leaned back against the wall, hardly resisting the urge to fold his arms and sulk in plain view of the whole party. He wasn’t a child whose toy was being played with—and yet, the brightness of her eyes and the laugh on her lips had him wanting to pout and whinge like a toddler.
“I appreciate the offer, I do, but I must decline.” Tav shook her head. Though personally the vampire thought she could be a little more rude in her rejection.
Because the damn twins were were still giving her looks that were far too inviting. Not that Tav saw, because her eyes had landed back on him, and Astarion was just thanking his lucky stars he’d perfected the mask he wore.
“Is that your partner?” The female drow asked, her smile making disgust creep up his spine—it was easy to see where this was going. “We’d be happy to have you both.”
“My dear, I’m afraid you’d be the one parting with your gold.” A high laugh slipped from Astarion’s lips. “And, I do doubt you could afford me.”
He saw the twins’ mirrored expressions of bewilderment turn to glee for only a flash before Tav was excusing herself from them. Swiftly stepping over to him with—that damnable look on her face.
Oh he knew those eyes, so drawn with her concern and on the verge of pity. Tav looked like that when she was about to do something so dreadfully kind it might make him wretch.
And he could not be the broken toy when she was being offered two shiny new ones.
“Astarion—” Tav began in that tone, and he had to preempt her.
“I know pet, tempting as it is, I simply must decline.”
“Yeah?” Tav utterly confounded him with that lifted smile. “That’s good.”
“Good..?” Astarion asked, his mind trying to race ahead. Find the traps and disarm them before they sprung.
She’d preached to him over and over again about his choice, and what he wanted and how that mattered to her for some reason.
Only for him to make a decision about the drow for her.
It was a test. It had to be. She respected his choices, now he was expected to reciprocate.
“Ah I see.” Astarion inclined his head to her, a salacious smile on his lips. “You haven’t had much attention lately…it has been a while for us.”
Tav blinked, and then those bright eyes were on his, searching him out. The pale elf would cling to the façade by the skin of his fangs, if it meant he could keep her.
She turned, and Astarion prepared for the feeling of a stake through his heart.
“Well, if my partner isn’t interested, neither am I.” Tav brushed off the twins’ advances with as much grace as one could muster. Until they finally had the tact to move to other potential patrons.
She was already leading the way out of Sharess’ Caress before Astarion had recovered from his shock.
The cold night air near Baulder’s Gate finally woke him.
“You could have gone with them, you know.” He blurted, wondering why in the Hells she hadn’t. It wasn’t like he was satiating her hungers.
Astarion felt Tav shrug her shoulder through their linked hands. “I’m not interested in any little tryst if it’s at your expense.”
She said it so simple, so easy, as if it were hardly worth a second thought.
Astarion’s mind was still reeling, but he put on a smirk. “Stop being so kind to me; it almost makes me want to return the favor.”
As if it were a debt he could ever repay her.
Hours later, Tav lay in her darkened room, sleep evading her. The soft click of a lock being picked made her tense, hand instinctively grasping the dagger beneath her pillow. But the familiar silhouette slipping through the door made her relax.
"Hello, my darling," Astarion purred as he approached, her darkvision letting her see how his ruby eyes glinted. “Haven’t you gotten accustom to me creeping into your bed?”
"It has been a moment since you came looking for a cuddle?" Tav teased softly, tilting her head. His appearance at this hour had her wondering. The dark of night and hushed voices already strummed tension in the air between them.
“I do seek…something akin to that.”
Astarion perched on the edge of the bed, long fingers skimming up her bare arm and leaving goosebumps in their wake. Despite all her thoughts trying to tame her reaction, for now.
"I merely wished to express my gratitude, my sweet. For standing by me, even knowing what I am. What I've done. And what I haven’t."
“What you…haven’t?” Her half-awake mind might be jumping to conclusions, surely. Twining their fingers together, Tav brought his hand to her lips, pressing a soft kiss to his knuckles. "You never have to thank me for that."
Astarion's eyes shimmered suspiciously in the darkness before he blinked it away, his trademark smirk back in place. "I want to thank you," he purred, “Won’t you, let me?”
He moved then, pressing her back into the soft pillow she’d been having trouble sleeping on after so many nights spent in the dirt.
Though the familiar weight of him was already making the bed more appealing. Now, just like every time he fed from her, he cradled her skull and tilted her head back so tenderly. It was comforting, it was an intimate moment she was happy to share with him.
His eyes didn’t meet hers as he ducked his head. Usually he lingered, to make sure Tav was alright before his fangs pierced her flesh. So why did she feel lips caressing her neck?
Her fingers slid into his hair, trying to get a grip on herself as much as she was on his curls.
The chuckle he gave was at the base of her neck, lips and tongue teasing at her collarbones in a way that made her skin tingle.
“Returning the favor.” He purred. “You deserve it.”
Tav swallowed under his clever mouth, trying to hear what her mind was screaming at her before it could be drowned out by the sweet words and sweeter lips.
Suddenly his face was swimming before hers, still not letting her catch his eye as he cupped her cheek. “So very few people get what they deserve—you, as always, should be the exception.”
Astation, with his ethereal beauty and perfect words, had her stunned. It wasn’t until he lowered his mouth to hers that her mind caught up.
“I don’t deserve anything you don’t wish to give.” Tav managed against his mouth, giving a gentle tug to his hair to get him to pull back.
“My sweet…I very much wish to give.”
That silver tongue slipped right past her protesting lips.
The elf was certain he had her when those hands slipped from his hair to cup his face in her palms. Her thumbs stroked over his high cheekbones.
“Astarion, wait.” Tav breathed.
He stilled, pulling back, fear flickering over his features as he was sure he’d somehow hurt her—when he saw it.
That damnable look in her eyes.
“Wait—we’ve done nothing but the waiting.” He snapped.
And Tav, damn her, gave a softer look still. “I’m willing to wait longer, as long as it takes.”
Astarion's posture stiffened, his back becoming an iron rod as he sat upright. "Is that how you see me then?" He couldn't keep the defensive edge from seeping into his voice. Drawing it like a blade when he felt his throat was bared.
"All shattered on the inside? Some broken doll you no longer play with? Am I to be put on a shelf and never touched again?"
“Astarion, you aren’t—” She moved to touch him, but he rose abruptly, evading her reach.
He didn’t even know why he did it. But the way her hand fell back to the bed, dejected, hurt him just as the pain he saw on her face.
"I know you aren’t fragile," Tav said with conviction, eyes pleading for him to understand.
“Then what? Am I some charity case to you? Is that what you get off on?”
Astarion hated it the moment he said it. But, the fangs showed whenever vulnerability crept up on him.
She stayed silent, and he had to fill that void before it consumed him.
“I’m not some delicate boy with a broken heart. I have wants. And I can see that you have them too. So, why not?”
“Is that what you want?” Tav smothered his outrage like a blanket over a campfire.
His shoulders sagged under the weight of his uncertainty.
“I don’t know.” The words barely escaped his lips before they broke apart into whispers of self-doubt. “Gods, I don’t know how to do any of this.” A frustrated hand raked through his white curls.
He wanted her. He wanted to see her looks of want and he wanted to be the one to fulfill her desires.
She sat up, legs hanging off the bed. And his eyes were drawn to the bare skin of her thighs exposed by her loose sleep clothes.
“Astarion, what do you want?”
He stared down at her, red eyes probing for a hint of the right answer. What did she want him to say? He would say it.
But Tav held without giving an inch.
“Why do you always ask the most difficult things?”
"I’m sorry." she whispered back.
"Don’t. I want—no, I need to know that I am still wanted by you." The confession fell from his lips like a plea. "You who’ve given me so much and seen broken I am. You who’ve made me wonder if I do indeed have any pieces left of my own soul…” The words were on his tongue, but his throat constricted around baring his neck one last time. “Do you still want me?”
“I will always want you.” Tav’s reply came without hesitation or doubt.
Either he had gotten to sloppy to see it—or there was simply no guile in her.
Tav reached out, her hand finding his where he stood frozen. He could feel the tension coursing through him—an all too familiar vulnerability that he constantly tried to suppress.
“Then let me give you something in return.” He dropped to his knees before her, desperation etched into every feature. .“Please, Tav.”
She lifted the hand she held, cupping it in both of hers, before she pressed his touch against her chest. And he had a moment to hope, that maybe, she would just let him give a fraction of what she’d given him.
“You’ve given me everything already, my heart.”
A scornful snort burst from him, everything in him prepared to banish her romanticized drivel with a dose of reality.
“This,” Her fingers tightened around the fabric of his shirt over his chest. “Past the petty armor you wear. Beneath the pretty face and clever tongue,” She yanked him close before he could quip back.“That is what you give me; parts of you that you’ve given to no one else.”
When he looked at her then, he had no idea what she might see, even if he could use a mirror.
“Your kindness, your hurt, your wants. The truth of you. That’s what I want.”
“I can’t give—“ Astarion couldn’t get this damn silver tongue of his around a his words. “I don’t know what that is…who I am.”
“Then we can both find out. That’s all I ask of you.”
He swallowed hard as her words left him parched and speechless. The notion that he might still have something to offer, a piece of himself that was untouched.
Astarion found himself staring at her, wonder and disbelief battling for dominance in his gaze.
A gentleness tugged at Tav's lips. And for a fleeting moment, Astarion dared to believe that perhaps he could have this.
He moved up, but only to wrap his arms around her. To engulf her in his embrace. Just as that night when she wrapped her arms around him, and first showed him that there was affection, there was closeness, without the expectation of more.
Astarion would be just fine if he was helpless in her arms.
