toddlers with glasses make me want to cry like you are so small and you can't even see properly. you are so small and your glasses are so big. don't even get me started on when the glasses are the kind that go around the head so they won't fall off or when they make their eyes look bigger. literally cryung just thinking about it
HAPPY PLAYFUL TAIL FLICKS
KITTY LIKES BEING THE NEW YEAR’S LION
Three episodes per each season of Buffy the Vampire Slayer — Season One ↳ 2/3: Angel
“You had a chance to come home, to rule with me in the Master’s court for a thousand years but you threw that away because of her. You love someone who hates us. You’re sick, and you’ll always be sick. And you’ll always remember what it was like to watch her die.”
Aka men on the bachelor have no taste
I don’t know what generic ass white man they had on but she was too good for him anyway
no but you don’t get it, the reason for the sloth costume is that the bachelors big thing about him is he’s a virgin (i know it’s ridiculous). so she comes out of this god damn limo slowly flailing about and goes, “heeeeeellllooooooo. i heeeeeaaaaard yoooooou liiiiiiiike tooooo taaaaaake iiiiit slooooooooooooooooow” and it was the best thing i’ve ever seen on the bachelor and he definitely didnt deserve her
“lol is everything offensive these days?”
3 years ago I got off work late & was in line at the grocery store and I accidentally made eye contact with a white boy in a SnapBack, he looked me up and down then in the sleaziest voice said “Salaaaa malaikum” to this day it echoes as I see him vividly during sleep paralysis
he was just greeting you lmao
When someone breaks into your home and whispers “h-hewwo…? uWu ” In your ear as you lie still in fear, I will be in the corner, grinning. You look at me, your eyes pleading, begging for help. But what do I say? “He was just greeting you lmao” it echoes in the suddenly cold room. You hear it again, somehow getting closer. “H-h-hewwo? Is anyone thewe? OwO” who will save you now?
my 8-year-old cousin got a spiderman pinata for his birthday today and he hit it so hard that he removed spiderman’s cardboard head from its shoulders and my cousin’s 11-year-old friend goes, without missing a beat, “I don’t feel so good Mr. Stark” and i lost my shit. kids really are our future.
I’m going to fucking scream
the other night i tried to make a curry and i got chilli burns all over my face, so i thought to myself ‘hang on, doesn’t milk soothe chilli burns? it does’ and i couldn’t google because i couldn’t see so i just had to blindly feel my way to the fridge and pour out a bowl of milk, and then plant my face in the bowl of milk, anyway at that point the rice cooker went off and triggered a power surge which turned my electricity off, which i didn’t notice at first because i had my face in a bowl of milk and when i did emerge from the dairy prison i thought i had gone blind with chilli burns. so no i don’t really cook much.
B E V E R A G E
petition to remake all of the twilight movies where everything is the same except that bella is played by john mulaney who has not been given a script and just has to deal with these circumstances as they come.
john: (walks into the classroom)
edward:
john:
don’t u mean
“I’m the world’s most dangerous predator, Bella. Every thing about me invites you in. My voice, my face, even my smell. As if I would need any of that… as if you could out run me… as if you could fight me off. I’m designed to kill.”
when your sims have a “gross surroundings” moodlet but you can’t find the mess
Me: *knows damn well Queen is one of the most popular bands of all time*
Me: *sees/hears anything queen related in public*
