PLEASE ask about my AUs

One thing I've learned about Tumblr economics is that tumblrinas are too wary to reblog low note posts

So true

Infinite crocodile attack

🐊🐊🐊🐊🐊🐊🐊🐊🐊🐊🐊🐊🐊🐊🐊🐊🐊🐊🐊🐊🐊🐊🐊🐊🐊🐊🐊🐊🐊🐊🐊🐊🐊🐊🐊🐊🐊🐊🐊🐊🐊🐊🐊🐊🐊🐊🐊🐊🐊🐊🐊🐊🐊🐊❌♾️

Ah the beloved post derailment which gives a post a 50% chance of getting at least 10 more notes

#are the alligators autistic? yes, of course. however of these crocodiles, only seven of them

You know what really fucking Annoys Me about internet censorship is stuff like swear words being heavily censored because that's entirely an American cultural hangup being forced on the rest of us. I don't know a single country where swearing is as taboo as it is in America. In fact most languages have swear words that would have the same effect on an American as giving a Victorian chimney sweep a pepsi max cherry.

Demonitizing Irish people's videos for having swear words in them is a kind of hate crime and psychological torture I think.

here in kiwiland its so prolific that being called a good cunt is a compliment

Particularly galling on YouTube because they go, to adult human beings creating videos for other adult human beings, as part of a job, "You said shit, which is naughty word and we can't run ads on that so No Money For You".

And then, as far as I can tell, they run ads on it anyway. They just don't give the money to the creator of the video. Basically fining grown adults for swearing.

Like, you can swear on the BBC after the watershed. Swear words are a part of language and tbh I actually approve of not having children swear/not swearing in front of children. The words only work if they're a little bit forbidden. But, once a child is old enough to be using the internet unsupervised they are already old enough to hear someone say fuck.

god bless our troops [the ppl at ublock origin who keep updating the filters to keep working on youtube]

One time I ate probably way too many mushrooms and I could feel my trip going bad. So, I turned to my roommate and I said something along the lines of,

"I feel amazing but I feel like this sensation has a price and I'm about to pay it."

To which he responded, "What are you, catholic?" And that knocked me so firmly out of my mental state that the rest of the trip was hands down the best time I ever did mushrooms.

Yeah that's fair, those tags should part of the main post

@canisalbus

A funny thought just came to me, so here's a new writing prompt:

The Justice League doesn't think that Batman has a civilian identity. For the most part, he only ever comes out at night, adding to the nocturnal rumors, but he has been seen during the day when there are huge problems or bigger rouge attacks.

And, because the JL don't think he has a civilian identity, they naturally assume that none of the other Gotham Vigilantes do, either. Signal, the only consistent day shift, is obviously a different breed than the rest. All of the others are nocturnal.

Extra points if they think they're a group of cryptids.

One day, Bruce and Tim are needed to help set up at WE for a press conference. One that Lois Lane is covering. At the same time, the JL Is having a meeting. Normally Dick would put on the Batman suit, but Nightwing is needed at the meeting, too. They can't say that Batman is off world, because all of those trips are logged and followed by the Lanterns. So, the next logical thing to do is for Nightwing to tell the JL that Batman and Red Robin were needed as civilians, but he will make sure to pass the information on to them, as well as record the meeting.

"Batman doesn't have a civilian identity," Is the response he gets. "None of you do, right?"

Nightwing, for all his training, doesn't react outside of his smile getting slightly bigger. "You don't think we have secret identities?"

"No, we kinda just assumed you all just hid away in a cave or something when you weren't needed or on duty."

Oh, these sweet summer children. Nightwing is trying very hard not to laugh at them. "We, we do have secret identities, we don't do nothing when we aren't in costume."

"Are you sure?" That's the Flash. "'Cause I'm pretty sure we'd recognize you guys out of costume." Kudos to him for being so confident about that. "Most of you only have tiny masks over your eyes. That's not enough to cover an identity."

Nightwing takes a glance at Superman, not that anyone can see his eyes move behind the domino mask. The alien's eyes have shifted left.

"I've been to Gotham plenty of time," Green Arrow speaks up, "I know I haven't seen everyone in the city, but I'm pretty sure I'd recognize your build. It's pretty distinct."

Bold. All of the Wayne Clan have met Green Arrow in and out of costume. They've actually met most of the JL in and out of costume. Should he tell them? Nah, that's not funny. He can't wait to tell the others.

(guy stuck in a timeloop) fuckkkkk i got yesterday tomorrow

^^^^ two day timeloop behaviour

It IS true that being on here gives you a tumblr accent. This morning my mother asked me something and i replied "i don't know i've never heard these words in that order" and she nearly choked laughing. It wasn't even that funny

at my old job i had a coworker who was tired and made a coffee with like 6 or 8 shots of espresso and i just casually went up to them like “are you trying to meet god?” and not only was this absolutely hilarious to them but they brought it up in future conversations they thought it was so funny but to me this was just as casual as saying “woah that’s a lot of coffee”

Being funny on Tumblr and then going to be funny in real life is like traveling to a foreign country and baby the currency exchange rate is biased in your favor

if i told you what rhis sounded ljke i dont think youd believe me so just listen

The best part of this is the bride up front knowing every word and clearly having the absolute time of her fucking life.

I've seen this so many times and never seen someone say WHO this band is. They're called The Toxhards. Here's the music video for this song.

Shoestring budget monster of the week TV show, except everyone directly involved in the show actually does fight monsters.

The show itself is a combination of plausible deniability, revenue stream (fighting monsters isn't cheap), and a method of disseminating accurate monster-fighting information to the public.

The characters in the show are, of course, parodies of the real personalities of the monster fighters.

So Fox News ran a story about how they think libraries are turning into drug-infested sex dens and I am shocked, shocked that I was never offered any drugs during my 15+ years working in libraries.

Where do they think the sex is happening?? Every single aisle is lit in that horrible LED lighting. The teens don't even make out here anymore.

As a state certified librarian I can assure you that you just have to go into your local library and ask if they're participating in the new Fox News Hysteria program smh. If they're not, you'll just have to renew your library card and use the fun and valuable resources they're offering right now, such as wifi hotspots, museum passes, dvd lending, mid level adult erotica, ebook lending, and printing! 😔

Oh god, the printing...

This sudden hate of libraries is partially because people who do not have homes spend lots of time there. It is a safe place where they can sit down for awhile without having to buy something, or worry that the police are going to yell at them (or worse).

Another reason they hate libraries is because they think all librarians do during the work day is lie in wait so that they can foist immoral books into the hands of innocent children.

Oh, and lets not forget - libraries are where Drag Queen story time started.

These attempts to direct a moral panic at one of our most treasured and important national institutions (the library system ) can seem ridiculous on the surface, but if you look just little bit deeper it stops being funny and becomes genuinely frightening.

I like the expression new-fangled. I don't know what it means for something to be fangled, but I sure as hell know it was recent

It’s from the Old English word feng, which can mean “to take”, or also “to grasp, hold, or embrace”. So something that’s newfangled is something that was taken up recently.

The reason it’s using this pretty archaic root is that it’s an older word than a lot of people think. Here it is in the Canterbury Tales.

Minutes after posting: "Why did I write archaic when I could have gone with old-fangled?"

Reblog to fangle this post

The haunting ancient Celtic carnyx being played for an audience. This is the sound Roman soldiers would have heard their Celtic enemies make.

Man if I heard that shit while descending upon a strange land with my brethren I'd straight up dig a hole to die in right the and there, fuck the emperor fuck the gods that's a warning straight from the bones of an older evil and whatever is coming is worse than death

I recently had surgery, and at the time I came home, I had both my cat and one of my grandma's cats staying with me.

- Within hours of surgery, I wake up from a nap to my cat gently sniffing at my incisions with great alarm.

- I was not allowed to shower the first day after surgery, and the cats, seeing that The Large Cat is not observing its cleaning ritual, decided I must be gravely disabled and compensated by licking all the exposed skin on my arms, face, and legs.

- I currently have to sleep with a pillow over my abdomen because my cat insists on climbing on top of me and covering my incisions with her body while I sleep (which is very sweet but not exactly comfortable without the pillow). She also lays across me facing my bedroom door, presumably on guard for attackers who may try to harm me while I'm sleeping and injured.

That's love. 🐈‍⬛🐈❤️

cats are so very unclear on what is wrong with us but they want to help

Last time I had a really bad migraine my cat curled herself round my head and purred sympathetically, and actually stayed there through two of her normal mealtimes. It wasn't until I was able to stagger to the kitchen and grab a protein bar for myself that she gave a very small, polite miaow to the effect of "while you're up... could you get something for me too?"