it's horrible and and horrible and horrible thing after another and what the fuck can i do about it? that's right, nothing
i can go "oh don't buy from this company" oh okay, i won't . and then it's another company. and another. and another and another and another and another and my god i'm just so tired! this creator is bad, you can't enjoy their shit anymore. oh and this one to. and this one. oh she's horrible. he is too. they're kind of not the best person to exist, you shouldn't support them. but the thing is, even if i do stop supporting them, there's also a lot more people who aren't going to bother so why not just not bother along with them
capitalism or the government is never going to be dismantled or rebuilt, why bother trying to do suggest other options or trying anything about it (what is my measly voice even worth? that's right nothing. it makes no difference whatever side i'm on; especially with my dumb social anxiety making me actually just do jack shit and simply indulge in my shitty youtube which oh look is google google is bad you shouldn't use google they track your voice, history info and shit)
and i'm not even in the workforce yet, not even in post secondary, and i'm so worried about work taking my life away? and it might, but it also probably won't because i'm privileged in being white and raised middle class where my parents have raised post secondary funds for me. but what the fuck do i even want to do? i know what i want to do, that's a lie, but it won't be good enough to support me and i don't know??? if i can even do post secondary??? there's this college that sounds perfect with no written assignments and all formal and hands on and stuff what what can i even do with the fucking degree or whatever it'll provide? but i don't know if i can do i uni because i'm already shit at passing assignments in fucking highschool and i don't think i can handle it but if i end up not doing that i'll end up stuck at multiple minimum wage jobs (and even then a dumb uni degree doesn't guarantee jack shit) or, to quote my mom, "at taxes" like she does. which she complains about every day so i don't want to fucking end up there because she says it's worse than highschool and highschool already feels like shit so!!!
"don't throw away your life away like i did! i used to want to be a marine biologist but then i slacked in uni and now i'm stuck with taxes :((" - mom
"i know you want to go to that college but i would like you to go to uni because you know there's not much you can do with a certificate or whatever from that college"
"you should try this, it's ---, it's course is only so and so long, and it pays pretty good"
"what about this, this could be good-"
"i really think you should go to uni,,, you won't exactly find like-minded people at that college, and i found all my current friends through uni" (in reference to me having zero friends)(my only social life is with my family, my psychologist and this "friend" that i only really ask for notes from because we have nothing in common and i'm like a backup if their main friend isn't in school. we don't do anything outside of school)
and just atop stop stop atop sTOP STOP STOP!
but it can't because unfortunately spacetime doesn't fucking work like that
and the world is full of bigots and capitalistic assholes
and the only thing that really makes me happy anymore is music (spotify is horrible they barely pay their artists you shouldn't have spotify), cartoons (your favourite show has a bigoted christian scammer creator, you shouldn't indulge in that show. and your other favourite show is a disney show. disney are assholes, you shouldn't be supporting disney!) and my cat (there's nothing negative about my kitty cat. i love my kitty cat sm. actually i do have a negative side to my kitty cat. i get their food at petsmart. it's bland catfood pellet shit. ugh)
anyway my eyes hurt from crying, i'm tired, i don't care that it's only 8:00pm; night.
