stupid and sweaty and in love in nola on my birthday

replaced my stolen bike today, did unimportant errands & now get to eat that Certified Punk pizza in tompkins with a pal before we go bar hopping :~)

brain is healing :~~~~)

barfly series, 2023

my 20s have become the stupidest kind of caricature and i’m a parody of myself at this point. if you want to know what i’ve been up to lately the answer is generally ‘nothing good’ but i’m grateful for the current fixtures in my life, at least the ones who didn’t drag me down to hell with them; here are a few

it has basically been crystallized that i will be in a bar on the colonizer holiday because i definitely am not invited home at this point and i fly to chicago at ass o'clock in the morning on friday

this is my own fault and i fucked a lot of things up and i don't know how to fix them but i'm kind of excited in a really sick way to have my formative first "miserable & alone in an open dive bar" holiday because it had to happen at some point

i was sort of too exhausted to go to chicago before this but now i'm looking forward to it and i feel like it's going to be a sort of much needed reset and a set-aside place for me to make some cool work and also do my end of year reflection with no one bothering me

on the more wholesome side of things I made a really great pumpkin based pasta sauce today, edited a whole bunch of photos, and we are having a holiday loft party where my roommate and company play the charlie brown christmas soundtrack and I will be playing housewife and baking vegan things for everyone before getting absolutely lit in my christmas outfit

it's evil and unheard of that i'm fucking around with this dude who def doesn't like me and just fucks hot bartenders (the way i don't like him and just fuck hot regulars 🥴) but we are so cut from the same cloth that i think we actually like each other as people/maybe as friends, and today i went to a bar JUST to be sad and brooding and he showed up and interrogated me about my family. not in a bad way but in a genuine way where he had extremely valid but also semi-reassuring questions about my relationship with my parents. then i told him i was going away to chicago for a while and then we made out and then he left and he still has my bandana at his apartment and i still haven't gotten my nails done with his money yet but i will when i come back. i downloaded another dating app to fuck people in chicago and everything is so weird and the holidays are making me so sad

i fear this has awakened something in me and i will now be dressing like this all the time

lmao i did maybe the most morally questionable thing i’ve ever done in my life this weekend and do not really feel bad about it at all 🥲 i jokingly said i was in my evil era and accidentally spoke it into existence

in other news i’m going to be a nun for halloween.. absolutely no comedic timing there at all….

!!!!!

let’s hear it for MCR round 4 before my brain breaks entirely and I probably fly out to LA next month lmao

this is really me dancing in the ashes of my fucked up life right now

finally finally finally selling off some of the gear that I don't use for what ends up hopefully being thousands of dollars so I can begin to afford to switch over to becoming a sony shooter :')

i have not however decided which sony i'm getting so if you have one that you love pls feel free to tell me abt it

never recovering from this one ever sorry

my chemical romance // 09.11.22 // brooklyn, ny