pedantic rambling

*booking an mri* what if I accidentally have a pacemaker. what if I got secret bone surgery and forgot about the pins

Ugh, was having a great time mocking my recently imprisoned rival when I noticed the camera positioning makes it so that I appear behind the bars, thus framing me as trapped in a metaphorical prison of the narrative, now my whole day is ruined. Fuck.

I get it, man. The other day, I survived a shootout, only to realize that a stray bullet went through a mirror in such a way as to look from the camera's perspective like I got shot in the head through the mirror, so now I have to acknowledge that something that could be reasonably referred to as "me" really did die that day, and it's just like "jfc, gimme a BREAK"

ugh dont even get me started on how the other day i tried to sit on the throne of my conquered foe and light a cigar to celebrate my victory but the lighter wouldnt work and it had to be lighted by the vizier who used to work for my enemy but that i enlisted to work as a double agent and help me in my coup. that jerk afterwards said with a devilish smile "ill always be at your service my liege" and i just KNOW that he said that exact same thing to the previous ruler. signifying that my victory was phyrric since i am still caught in an endless cycle of violence and betrayal. that really spoiled the whole mood

Apparently there was some kind of race scheduled at a local park or something so I've been trying to avoid the main trail but a little while ago when I had to cross near it I overheard the following shouted exchange

And goddamn if that didn't rewire my brain a little bit.

Last place is still a place, baby.

I know of a trail racing company that gives the slowest racer who finishes every race a DFL award: Dead Fucking Last. I was a little taken aback by this until I had it explained to me that those last-place finishers are pretty much uniformly people for whom finishing at all was an accomplishment: people undergoing cancer treatments, absolute beginners, runners in their eighties, extremely pregnant people, you get the idea. Moreover, what you see as this person crosses the finish line is all these sporty trail racers, many of whom finished the race literal hours earlier, cheering their hearts out because they respect that, yes, DFL is still a place, baby.

Too many of my neighbours have gotten themselves caught up in a false idea of success. White picket fences. Two-point-three-five children. A career that advances. All of these things are impossible now, for a variety of reasons that all rhyme with the sentence "rich people said no."

That's what we in the engineering world call "a constraint." Engineers are used to rich people getting upset about things like properly bolted-on fenders, fully-welded roll cages, and not having a big ol' hole in the side of the space shuttle. They want to hold onto as much of their ill-gotten blood money as possible. Your job is to subtly undermine them, working around the specific letter of their wording to implement the best shit possible. This is because everyone knows that if anything goes wrong, your ass is the one that's getting in trouble instead of Uncle Pennybags.

So, how do we make irrelevant the fact that the limitless promise of capitalism is, at best, an illusion? Getting real weird with it is my usual choice. Human creativity can come up with any number of totally unprofitable but somewhat enjoyable endeavours that you can be doing, instead of work for The Man.

Sure, they're gonna catch you and yell at you for doing things like "spot-welding together some reclaimed yard-lantern batteries on your company-approved ergonomic productivity pod's work-surface." Take heart: HR had to learn a whole lot of words to write up that complaint. They are irreversibly changed by that encounter. Maybe one day, the trauma will resurface in a strange way, and they'll start collecting old tractor tires, building a model train layout, or throwing tinfoil-wrapped rocks at the Amazon drones charging on the overhead power lines. That can be your legacy. Now isn't that a lot better than having to remember how to maintain a lawnmower?

new reaction image

they should add a drop of glowing purple fluid to doctor pepper. just one drop

im not asking for much here

Amazing dominoes structure

god destroying the tower of babel

there really is nothing more charming or telling about humanity than the amount of time and effort we’ll put into something just to see how cool it will look when we make it fall down 

me: that’s a lot of….oh…OH

So this video is 40 seconds long. And it has 190,000 notes. Rounded up to 200K because I’m lazy. So if everyone who enjoyed it interacted with this post once, and they enjoyed all 40 seconds of the video(both of those are questionable, but bear with me), that’s 8,000,000 seconds of entertainment on this site alone. 133,333 minutes. 2,222 hours. Yes, it was a lot of work for a few seconds of chaotic pleasure. But that’s a lot of chaotic pleasure for a little bit of work. 

How To Fall for Reactionary Conservative Propaganda In A Marx-Honoring Way

they hate me for being a slut tbh and maybe also the killings too but that's unlikely

humans are a subspecies of elf known for dying really quickly and being stressed the whole time

So actually Vampire is an ancient Eastern European god, they worshipped him before monotheism happened. Yeah he’s my patron. I can talk to him and he’s actually vegan and can go out in the sun just fine. The centuries of folklore is all just propaganda. Look at this 5-paragraph blog post from 2006 and you’ll see what I mean.

All my haters become craters when I hit them with the meteorite

i would've fucked so hard as a court jester in ye olde i would've jangled my balls and done a little dance and sang my silly tunes i'd be so good at my job. alas i have to be on tumblr instead which is like a poor imitation of it

bells. i meant bells

don’t do this to me

Cats are such complacent little bastards. "Oooh all I have to do is exist in your vicinity and you'll love me forever." Pay rent.

Are they wrong though?

That's not the point