Druid, to party: YOU CAN’T LUBE UP A HALFLING WITH HOLY OIL!

DM, to party: … yes you can. 

Tank: I unbend his girders.

Speedster: That sounds like a sex thing.

Tank: I very slowly and sensually unbend his girders.

Arundhati Roy, The God of Small Things  (via theliteraryjournals)

Cut my life into peaches. They are a healthy snack

"I will make the rats love again"

-our groups rogue

vampires always like “i could kill you if I wanted” like? yeah? so could another human being. so could a dog. so could a dedicated duck. you arent special

HUFFLEPUFF:

“You know that I care what happens to you.”

–Pink Floyd (Pigs On The Wing (Part 2))

Our DM (via outofcontextdnd)

The librarian leans in close. “Books… unavailable to the average citizen, warlock? I believe I can help you.” She leads you through winding halls until you come to a tiny doorway. Surreptitiously, she slips a small key into the lock and motions you in. Torches flicker, and as your eyes adjust to the light, you see that the room is full floor-to-cieling with… gnome erotica.

PHOTO OP: Fear The Wolf

via loopdeloops

Heather Anastasiu, Glitch (via wordsnquotes)

“This would be so amazing if we beeped the word dipped and anyone at home would just be like, “I met him, he dipped me before we even spoke. Oh, I wanted to be dipped.” (✖)