fathercrane reblogged
I have been fiddling with this character for six and a half years now, research and development included. During my stay on tumblr there have been good times and bad times. I have been lied to, stalked, had my life threatened, my personal and romantic relationships destroyed, harassed, been told to kill myself on a daily basis for months on end, had a hate blog made about me, been encased in questionable and alarming drama. I have spent months terrified of specific people, and months dealing with daily traumas that came from my time on this website. I have been demonized and vilified for sometimes valid and sometimes invalid reasons. I am just as fallible as everyone else, and yes, I have made mistakes, I have ruined things, just as mistakes and slights have been made against me. If you ever wanted and apology, or forgiveness from this blog, here it is. Six and a half years is a long time in which everyone is bound to make some mistakes, to whether unintentionally, or through misguided cruelty, do harm to someone else. Sometimes immense harm. I never meant to harm anyone, I only ever wanted to do good, have fun, and explore a healthy hobby to get away from life’s daily stresses and negativity. Irregardless of my intentions, the fact remains that I have, and I am deeply sorry. I apologize for all the harm that I have caused, and in turn, I forgive all of the harm that was done onto me. May we all grow, and find days of health and prosperity. Leading on from that, I have also had positive experiences. I made friends, I have learned and I like to think, continue to improve myself. Every day we are learning and growing, every day we become a little more different than we were the day before. For better or for worse. There have been threads and verses that I enjoyed, even if my enjoyment was only occasional or fleeting. I enjoyed the rare thread that allowed me to explore Crane’s business, how it functioned, and how he operated within the criminal syndicate. I enjoyed my X-Men AUs, for allowing me to explore a fascinating and unique facet of Crane’s character. I enjoyed nearly all the threads that I had with Clarke and with Kira, allowing me to engage with some positivity on this blog, even when it felt like such a negative and unhealthy space for me to linger in. Particularly Kira, who not only created an interesting dynamic between the two characters, but also nurtured Crane’s ambition, gave him a name beyond his title, and for once? For once made him want to live for something. I enjoyed every thread and AU with Aristel, everything from mainverse, where Crane had a psychiatrist, friend, family, and business partner all in one exciting dynamic, to omegaverse, which allowed me to explore the psychosocial effects of societal constructs. How things like gender inequality, and an unfair judicial system affect how our society operates, and how they influence behavior. I have loved my Wendigo!Crane, and all verses attached. The Gotham Supernatural verse, House of Pain, and the Old Sport verse with Kira were all near and dear to me in their time. This has been an experience of highs and lows for me, and while I cannot be certain if I will continue working in a dysfunctional, negative, and unsafe space, I will miss the things that are already gone. I also have little to no idea how to progress the plotline. With Kira being gone, that also extends to Batman being gone, as well as Carmine Falcone, who Crane has been working with, and expanding his business with. There is just not enough going on in Crane’s flock to keep the plot afloat now. For now, until further notice, and possibly indefinitely, Father Crane has once again retreated to Ireland, and will be residing in and around Cork, primarily in conjunction with the mental health unit of the Cork University Hospital. Again, this may or may not change. At this point in time, I simply do not know if I have any strength nor heart left to write, or plot on which to write on. There will be a running queue as long as it lasts.
And this is my last post on here, and my last reblog. Fare thee well, I just cannot be in this space anymore after this.
