The Buried Dagger 1

OKAY mortarion time ….i forgot this was the book with purple prose and i had to go back in terror to make sure I didn't accidentally buy a McNeill novel again i did not, this is thankfully (?) someone else

I'm trying to figure out what about this pushes it into "Wow Edgy" rather than being genuinely compelling well actually this isn't too bad, to be honest, it's really the next bit which is that the population of ynyx (and WHAT a name) doesn't have mouths "the cold ember of his familiar, obdurate resentment" I feel like I'm being unfair to the book by feeling bathos instead of pathos but i think it's that everything is so over the top

wait what year was this written Mortarion is literally breathing in the chemicals 2019 I'm now going to suffer from the belief that the writer of this was listening to Radioactive (due to this plus some other things) and now I've got it stuck in my head

Mortarion: I hate that my brothers deal with warp daemons.

Also Mortarion: It's okay when I do it because it's pragmatic.

Mortarion 🤝 Guilliman literally this exact thing

but it's more egregious for Mortarion

listen

it would not be mortarion if his intelligence stat wasn't vastly higher then his bottom of the barrel wisdom stat.

it also wouldn't be mortarion if he wasn't cursed to roll critical failures on every decision he makes.

my sweet, sweet, fuckin dumbass boy.

A Thousand Sons Conclusion

Conclusions:

-Mortarion has done absolutely nothing wrong in his life, ever (except the war crimes) -I kind of want to write a really, really weird FSN fusion fic now -McNeill needs to be thrown into horse plinko and made to drink respect women juice (he can join Urobuchi) -did i get my money's worth? well. hm. i learned many lessons from this book. we can say that.

Tomorrow if I have time I'll do...Horus Rising. Technically I read Scars after ATS but I didn't do the full reaction to it like I think I did for Horus Rising. Maybe a single post for Scars? Or maybe I should wait until I reread it and then do it properly....

Mortarion has done many things wrong in his life, but we love him and his hypocritical paranoid delusional breakdown over the course of the heresy ass anyways.

Meme Archive belongs to the Adeptus Memeticus

Yesterday I got a message by this guy saying "here's why Space Marines don't have 🏀🏀"

And I quote:

"basically their 🏀🏀 shapes into completely different organs which are then cut off and cultivated to extract the gene-seed"

... dont forget to spay and neuter your space marines folk.

Female Custodes Headpats

by Eliphusz

YESSSSSS. UPFRONT CONFIRMATION

Ah, the Custodes superiority continues

found a clearer image:

You fucking losers celebrating as if this isn't a lore-breaking decision that's going to alienate people who've been part of the hobby for longer than you've been alive, even further.

This is a terrible decision, and you are fools for celebrating.

Every day the subversion grows ever more prevalent...

the people demanding changes like this aren't buying kits or books.

this is nothing more than gentrification out of spite. they won't stop until everything is as shallow and safe as possible. 40k was one of the last remaining hobbies not completely flooded by an influx of tourists and professional moralists, and that infuriated them

Alright, I gotta address this. This goes out to you and every other “veteran” of the hobby who claims magic knowledge of the setting being suddenly twisted out of shape.

Do you know why female space marines were canned? Because they fucked up the head sculpts. Do you know why there were no female high elf infantry in WFB, despite the high elves having nearly no gender roles in their society? Because it was easier to make one kind of head sculpt. Do you know why female guard minis, despite female guard being a thing, are only recent? Making new sculpts.

Do you know why female Custodes have only been soft confirmed until now? It’s not the lore, no. Custodes’ creation processes are individualised and use gene-alchemy developed by the Emperor personally. This has been well established since they got rid of the old, naked Custodes lore way back. Sex has never come into it. At all. They aren’t like space marines. They are deliberately different. So, why is it? Surely a big bedrock of Warhammer past and present like you and your soggy friends would know that ADB and plenty of other writers inside GW have considered female Custodes a canon and obvious thing for a long time. I’m sure you’re also aware that the reason they didn’t get to start writing about them is because GW had (oh, look at that) printed male-only sculpts ahead of time and didn’t want to tackle the at the time expenses of making more/recalling. It has never, ever, had anything to do with the lore that you hold up in your head. Because GW is, at the end of the day, a fucking miniature company first and foremost.

They have changed nothing. They have recontextualised nothing. You would know this if you actually knew anything about the hobby you claimed to enjoy, or the company you bitched about, and weren’t just, in the words of you and your infantile mates, a tourist.

So like. The Sisters of Silence being prodigiously good at lesbianism makes even more sense now, right?

Yes

gotta keep the dommy mommy custodes and the lady substodes happy somehow. why else would whips be such an important part of their kits, for catching psykers? no. they're multi purpose.

The Lord of the Death Full quality on my Patreon Get it as a Print

I like 40K, obviously, but could there be a worse universe to get isekai'd to?

You wake up and everything is the same but now you live in Birmingham. You have a retail job that doesn’t pay enough and your awful apartment is still prohibitively expensive. You split the ungodly rent with a Black Templars superfan named Klaytun (he has inventive parents) who loves to recite Imperial sayings while brushing his teeth. As such, the mirror is always covered in a dried layer of toothpaste scum. You’re allergic to gluten, wheat and nuts, and you’re lactose intolerant. The only breakfast food you can eat is a UK-only brand of cereal called “Sustain-ems” which you’re ninety percent sure are reconstituted cardboard. You mix them with water, which is immersively milky because the council has been doing roadworks near you for six years, starting at 5am daily.

So Britain but its invader zims setting.

ORKS! ORKS! ORKS! ORKS! ORKS! ORKS!

I had fun redesigning Orks so they’re algae tardigrade aliens instead of green muscle guys.

Most things about them are the same green boyz we love, but now they photosynthesize and can survive any condition in a tun state - extra unkillable bastards.

They look extra bitey, I love them!

look at the lads having a grand ol time.

Mortarion & Vorx

I do agree that at the least blowing up Terra would, in theory, be a good way of unsticking 40k from its imperium bias. So much of the setting is catered around ensuing Terra survives after all as part of that bias.

Morty~ I heard he has hair now

more moth

That time Mortarion called Typhon Typhus “stupid.” From Warhawk:

I've said it before, I'll say it again.

Calas "Regina George" Typhon

Man, he's fallen really fucking far from "Clever Calas," hasn't he.

(Also, love the part in this novel where Typhus lounges in a deck chair with a margarita while Mortarion's getting his ass handed to him by Jaghatai Khan. "Nope, can't come help y'all. I'm too busy. [Slurps his margarita] Too far away. [Is only a mile away from the Lion's Gate] Can't possibly get there in time."