you know when you’re eating something with lettuce and a leaf winds up hanging out your mouth while you’re chewing and for a few seconds you fuse souls with that of a 66 million year old gentle and slow brachiosaurus? love that

Me: I like my ships to grow slowley so they develop a deep connection over time letting their love blossom

Also me: *10 minutes of them being together* JUST FUCKING LOVE EACH OTHER AND KISS ALREADY

@dj3y3 that is @angel3y3pro at its finest right there.

where i work we rent out a variety of buildings and to make a long story short i’m going to hell

my friend: [needs comfort]

me: oh Dang what are the Comfort Words

me: *flipping through the manual* there there?

my friend: *cries harder*

me: oh No they were the wrong Comfort Words

Here you go, all the Comfort Words

If you ever plan to be a parent, read this and accept it or else you WILL ruin your child.

I NEED THIS THANK YOU

John Mulaney, a man who is iconically known for loving his wife, after being told by Jerry Seinfeld that his wife only thinks shes good at something

Well done OP, you’ve managed to capture the moment John’s spirit left his body

Jerry’s lucky that John is too polite to throw hands

Okay but I just went and watched this for myself and it’s WORSE

He’s. So uncomfortable. It’s obvious. I cut out the part where John kind of muttered, “That is true, isn’t it” about how all men think they’re funny, but his face is just screwed up in this ‘oh god what have i done what have i signed up for this is not good and this will probably go into my next comedy special of awkwardness’

Just watched this omg bless john bc jerry just keeps trying to do some “take my wife” bullshit and john very politely goes no, no.

proud of John for restraining himself from murdering a man on camera

What’s so horrifying about this to me is that this is literally Jerry Seinfeld trying to teach John Mulaney how to gaslight his wife.

Look at that dialogue. “She thinks she knows.” He’s trying to get Mulaney to see his wife’s expertise as instead a weird misperception. He’s coaching him to undercut his wife’s confidence in the truth and her own abilities.

And Mulaney replies exactly the right way: “She does know.” He asserts not only that she’s perceiving the world accurately, but that she is an expert at something he’s not good at.

Dudes, don’t take this shit from other dudes. Mulaney isn’t by any means perfect but he aced this. Stand for the truth. Defend women’s objectivity. Promote women’s expertise.

Doesnt his wife also work with antiques too?like. Isnt that part of her actual job?

I reblog this every time because I don’t think people understand that Anna is literally an interior designer. She makes absolutely stunning Victorian Lampshades. Which she designs.. for the interior of a home… she’s literally an interior designer. She doesn’t think she’s good at it, she knows she’s good at it because it’s her fucking job

Jerry Seinfeld has been trash for forever.

What’s more?

Seinfeld is one of his icons. Of course he was, Seinfeld was synonymous with stand-up for the longest time. It only makes sense that he was an inspiration to John. They say that you should never meet your heroes. For John Mulaney, that rang true because he met his hero, and he trash-talked his wife as part of a Netflix special. That moment in the original post is not just the moment John’s spirit leaves his body, but the moment he had to lose some faith in his hero on camera.

I went to see Bo Burnham’s new live show and I brought my cat with me because, idk, it seemed like a good idea? So Bo was doing his comedy thing and all was good until he stopped mid-song and yelled to “put the lights up!” The audience was all. “Haha, okay maybe this is just part of his act,” but then he singled me out and asked, “Is that a cat in your lap?” I had no choice but to answer that it was because it was obvious and I was not going to LIE, everyone can see that it is a cat. It turned out that my cat had been sneaking off to Bo Burnham’s house every now and then and he thought it was a stray and he had gotten kinda attached so now Bo and I co-owned a cat together.

on god i was confused until i read the blog title

Lesbians, what is your wisdom today?

Excellent.

Gays, what is your wisdom today?

Absolutely Incredible

Bi/pan/poly people, what is your wisdom today?

Superb.

Trans people and nonbinary folk, what is your wisdom today?

Terrific.

Aro/ace people, what is your wisdom today?

Stupendous!

Thank you lgbt+ community, for your wisdom in the coming days.

People keep introducing villains with dark music and grim shadows everywhere and like edgy aesthetic and speeches

but the Best Villain introduction and establishing moment has already occurred

like, we’ve been with her one minute and we already know every other thing about her and Are Terrified, every other introduction go home, this one already wins

Hilarious🥀👐

This is so my favorite Thor movie

that “oh shit” line is my absolute favorite moment in the history of Thor movies

Why does this fucking movie read like a god damn crack video but ITS ALL CANON AND REAL WTF MR WAITITI