∞ Erin ∞

request your own palette here

I’ve had a long journey with myself and my body, which I still struggle with. But, I am enough! You are enough.

Hozier by Christian Tierney (2019)

i’m gonna make a movie where two normal ladies fall in love. everything’s chill, no age gap, they’re both out of the closet, their families love them, everything’s fine. the catch is that one lady has a cat and the other lady never figured out what the cat’s name was cause the Owner Lesbian ALWAYS uses a dumb nickname and now it’s been three years and they’re getting married and it’s too late to just ask

It’s garnering more and more urgency because the cat’s importance is growing (the cat is going to be the ring bearer, oh no!)

The First Lady asks her fiancé if they should get a fancy collar with the cats name for the wedding and her fiancé throws her arms around her and says “great, would you go do that tomorrow?”

The genius and the dork superhero 😂

(I love them 🥰❤️)

this is literally the funniest thing i have ever seen omg

kids, reblog w your ethnicity and which side of the family you’re closer with in the tags

kids, reblog w your ethnicity and which side of the family you’re closer with in the tags

kids, reblog w your ethnicity and which side of the family you’re closer with in the tags

kids, reblog w your ethnicity and which side of the family you’re closer with in the tags

kids, reblog w your ethnicity and which side of the family you’re closer with in the tags

kids, reblog w your ethnicity and which side of the family you’re closer with in the tags

Trans lesbians never forget how important and cool and beautiful and loved you are challenge!!!!

i walk into starbucks and order a pumpkin spice latte with 13 shots of espresso. i tell the barista that i intend to transcend humanity and become a god. i ask for no whip cream

you say this jokingly but i had a customer actually order a pumpkin spice latte with 9 shots of espresso (also no whip) and when i asked her to verify that she did indeed want 9 shots of espresso she looked me dead in the eyes and said “i have 5 kids”

I once had a woman come in and ordered an Americano with 19 shots of espresso. The drink took ages. It held up the line. I asked her why, and she shrugged and said “I just don’t care”. We still talk about that woman. We never saw her again.

new cryptid: exhausted woman at starbucks

Actual conversation I had at register: “Hi, welcome to [Starbucks]! What can I get you, today?”

“How much is it to fill a Venti with Espresso?”

“I- I’m sorry?”

“A venti cup. How much to fill it with Espresso?”

“Oh. uh. Well, it’d be I suppose… I only have a button for a Quad. I don’t have special pricing for twenty ounces of espresso in a single… drink.”

“Price is the furthest thing from my mind right now. How many ‘add shots’ is that?”

*deep breath of fear* “It’d be a quad with,” *clears throat* “uh, sixteen additional shots of espresso. But, ma’am, I should tell you that the shots will start to get really bitter if they have to sit and wait for us to pull twenty of them-”

“Taste means nothing to me.”

At this point I am truly fearing for my very existence in the presence of what must clearly be an eldritch being.

“Oh. Well, okay.” I put on my absolute best customer service smile to hide my terror and accept that I must face this dragon, fae, or demon with dignity. “We can certainly get that for you! The price will be _____.”

She begins to pay, I shit thee not, with golden dollar coins. We are a block from Wall Street, and this eldritch demi-being is paying for an unholy elixer with golden coins. My life will end soon, I am sure of it.

“Do you still have the ‘Add Energy’ packets?”

My heart began to race at this request. “Yes ma’am.”

“How many can I add?”

Futile though it is, at least I know the rote response to this. “For health reasons, we won’t add more than one per drink and we cannot sell the packets individually.”

“One then.”

I alter the order and tell her the new price. She pays, dumps the change and five golden dollars into the tip box. I write the order on the venti cup and pass it silently to the girl working the hot beverage station. Normally we called and pass, but this was … not something to be spoken aloud.

My fellow takes the cup, not thinking anything of the minor break with protocol, until she sees the order. She stares at me. “No.”

The woman, which I call her for no other greater insight into her terrifying being is within my grasp, simply stands on the other side and says, calmly but with a commanding tone I expect of Admirals in bad movies, “Yes.”

My fellow barista pales before her task. But we are dutiful, we are true to our task, great though it may be. She sets about clearing the two brand new Matrena’s of all distraction, and sets two tall cups in the ready position. The energy packet is emptied into the venti cup, and the shots begin pouring. 

The barista was damn near shaking. This woman’s gaze felt like the fires of the sun. Finally, the shots are pulled, the cup is filled, and the hand off takes place.

Our visiting Incomprehensible takes it to our milk bar and adds a dollop of cream. Satisfied, she proceeds to down what must have been half the damn cup.

Then she smiled at us, like a benediction and I was honestly filled with joy. And horror. She left, and we knew nothing more of her after that.

When I talk with other former employees, we quickly begin talking about “The Company” as if we’d never l, perhaps knowing that part of our soul still powers that awesome and terrible corporate machine. And when I share this stroy, other Baristas at first act shocked but quickly settle and comes the chorus, 

“Yeah, I had one like that.”

I made a five shot Americano for someone back in my barista days, and I thought HE was insane, now I’m just agog. 

the venti espresso woman was definitely a dragon

i dont know WHY but expresso is the only good coffee, everything else is compost water

@phantom-tastic weirdest customer story?

We used to have this absolutely massive russian man come in every once in a while and order a grande americano with 7 shots of espresso (reg has 3) and it physically pained me to make it every time.

Ive had my fair share of everything-but-the-kitchen-sink frappuccino orders. People would ask us to blend 2, even 3 bananas into their drink… someone asked me to blend a chocolate chunk cookie into theirs once? It wasn’t half bad.

But my favourite weird customer is The Garlic Man. The past couple of months this man has come into our store, absolutely REEKING of raw garlic. He has a salt and pepper beard and an Indiana Jones hat. Orders “An Apple Chai”. That’s not a drink, at least not in sbux Canada. He explains to me it’s a chai tea latte where you substitute the hot water for steamed apple juice.

We make it. He has a southern accent so I ask him if he’s visiting someone for the holidays. Under his breath and with his eyes darting both ways he says

“Yeah you could say Im gonna be here for a while…”

Sits down at the long table in the cafe, where people are working on their laptops. He discreetly proceeds to pull out, from his bag, a chopping board. And some garlic. And a knife. He dices up his own garlic in the cafe and then eats it. We look on in horror.

He comes back and does this 2 or 3 more times before we never see him again.

Yeah, that guy was definitely a vampire hunter.

From working at a bakery I definitely had some weird customers every now and then, such as the cup man (he regularly stole our cups) or the guy who regularly came in and ordered the same meal and then sat down and mumbled something to himself for about half an hour, one time he started singing. Loudly.

But I also had weird coworkers, namely the cactus lady who had absolutely no clue what she was doing, ever. She brought her dog into work sometimes, didn’t know how to clean and very blatantly stole stuff (she also left cacti all over the place that we’d then discover later on, all variously rotten. I don’t know where or why someone gets this many cacti or why they’d bring it to work but she did. I don’t understand how they were all rotting. I don’t think I want to know.)

One time after I handed a customer their latte they told me there was lipstick on the cup. I was mortified and offered to make them a new one right away for free but then they just said “it’s ok, just thought you should know”. The cactus lady was the only one of us who wore lipstick and refused to learn how to use a dishwasher so it was obviously hers, although in this case this was kind of a combination of a weird coworker and a weird customer.

The scariest part of working there was that I could feel myself becoming one of Them. I gained the ability to chug the horrible black coffee we brewed every morning because there was a finite amount of time before I’d get a customer and the coffee would go cold. This also applied to tea, sometimes if I made a cup of coffee or tea for myself before an unexpected wave of customers I just drank it cold anyway. I had 3-4 cups of coffee or tea on most shifts, which were about 6-7 hours each. It’s honestly a miracle that I can still enjoy coffee, but at least if I’m in a rush I can finish a cup in about two minutes.