thinking about how kunikida is inarguably suicidal and yet how many people seem to miss this completely when discussing his character, likely bc the way he goes about it stands in complete opposition to how dazai deals with his own suicidal tendencies (disclaimer, i’m basing this of off what i can remember bc i’m too lazy to look for all these scenes rn)
because dazai is fully aware of his feelings, embraces them, really. all of his attempts are unambiguous and he talks about wanting to die a lot, but he also has strong self preservation instincts (if you can call it that). he rarely puts himself in immediate danger and strays away from pain. also all of his attempts (from what we’ve seen in the main manga at least) are highly ineffective (and he knows it) because he’s still hoping to find some reason to live, it’s a huge theme in his character arc (which doesn’t diminish how he feels or how serious his condition is)
but with kunikida is the complete opposite. first of all, he doesn’t seem to register how he feels as being suicidal. i would imagine it’s partly because of how strongly he associates the feeling with dazai, and he’s nothing like him so it can’t be that. but when you pay attention to how he acts it becomes clear that’s what’s going on with him. the helicopter scene is the prime example, how quick he is to throw his life away even when he doesn’t really have to (there had surely been different ways to deal with the hunting dogs then, i mean chuuya was right there), but this also comes up during the scene with aya when she’s first introduced. after the bomb thing gets resolved she asks him what he would have done if yosano didn’t come and he just.. smiles and tells her that he promised not to have people die in front him (i’m paraphrasing this bc i’m too lazy to find the chapter sorry). and it’s easy to miss i guess, but it’s still so chilling he basically admits that he’s rather die on the spot than have to deal with the guilt of not being able to save people. like that’s not,,,, a normal and healthy way to think. and then there’s also what jouno says to him (and again i’m paraphrasing), how his first involuntary reaction to the possibility of his friends dying was relief, with shame and fear coming afterwards. because if his friends are dead that means he can give up and die too.
so yeah uh, i think there’s something really wrong with him and most of these feeling seem to stem from guilt which makes me wonder what the hell happened to him that he’s now acting this was. asagiri release the forbidden backstory <\3
