The “just a little something for me” sends me every time

i think of this every time i'm at a urinal. my bf and i don't even have to say it out loud. if we're in a public restroom together we just know

it's so funny how half of us are like "food is sacred and the kitchen is holy ground. to break bread with others is inherently sacrament" and the other half of us are like "my villain origin story is someone looked at me when i was in the kitchen"

If I love you, I will cook for you. If you want me to continue to love and cook for you, stay out of my kitchen.

neopets forum posts i reference all the time but nobody gets

here are some more really good neoboards screenshots

Keying/graffiti-ing someones car is old news now if someone cheats we go at their wardrobe with a seam ripper

yknow what? Fuck you *unstitches all your shirts and jeans*

My mother did this to my father once. They got into an argument, my very pregnant and hormonal mother stormed off…except they lived in a tiny apartment so the only place to go was to shut herself into the closet for a good long sulk. And while she was sitting in there, fuming, she looked up and saw her sewing kit on the shelf, and all my father’s uniforms hanging right there.

So she picked one shirt and one pair of trousers, carefully, methodically ripped every third stitch out of every seam, and then hung them back up together so that he would be likely to pick them at the same time. This took her a couple hours, so by the time she was done, the anger had worn down. She came out, she and my father had a talk that ended in apologies, after which they were tired and went to bed. My mother swears up and down that she meant to warn my father about the sabotaged clothes in the morning, but he wore a different uniform set and they were both still feeling a little raw, so she didn’t want to bring up the fight again. She decided to tell him that night instead.

And then she forgot.

Anyway, about four days later, my father apparently came home roughly an hour after he left for work, his clothes slowly, gently shredding off his body, the most bewildered expression on his face. “Paula,” he said, his voice mildly shell-shocked. “Paula, my clothes are broken.”

My mother promptly burst out laughing so hard that she went into labor. And that’s the story of my birth, heralded by petty vengeance and utter confusion.

my mom got me this little thing and im obsessed with him.... little creature..

I have been thinking. about the creature

Okay I’m currently furious that migraines are often so blindly easy to treat and I had to find this out myself at the age of 26 when I’ve been to a neurologist since I was 11 lol so I’m about to teach you two neat and fast little tricks to deal with pain!

The first is the sternocleidomastoid muscle, or the SCM muscle.

This big red section is responsible for pain around the eye, cheekbone, and jaw, as well as some temple pain. Literally all you have to do is angle your head down a little, angle it away from the side that hurts, and then you can gently pinch and rub that muscle. I find it best to start at the bottom and travel upwards. The relief is so immediate! You can increase pressure as you feel comfortable doing so.

Here is a short and easy video showing this in action

The second is a fast and easy stretch that soothes your vagus nerve, which is the nerve responsible for calming you down. The vagus nerve, for those unfamiliar, is stimulated by deep breathing such as yawning, sighing, singing, or taking a deep breath to calm your anger in a tense situation.

You can stretch this out by sitting up as straight as possible (this does not have to be perfect to work) and interlacing your fingers. Put your hands on the back of your head with your thumbs going down the sides of your neck and, while keeping your face forward, look all the way to one side with just your eyes. Hold that until you feel the urge to breathe deeply or yawn, or until you can tell there’s a change. Then do the same thing on the other side. When you put your arms down, you should clearly be able to turn your head farther in both directions. If the first session doesn’t get rid of your migraine, rest and repeat as many times as necessary. I even get a little fancy with it and roll my eyes up and down along the outer edge sometimes to stretch as much as I can.

If you need a visual here’s a good video on it. I know some of the language they use seems questionable but this is real and simple science and should not be discarded because it’s been adopted by the trendy wellness crowd!

I seriously cannot believe I didn’t hear a word of this from any doctor in my life. Additionally, if you get frequent recurring migraines, you may want to see a dietician. Migraines can be caused by foods containing histamines, lectin, etc. and can also be caused by high blood pressure in specific situations such as exercise, stress, and even sex.

If any of this information helps you I’d love to hear it btw! It’s so so fast and easy to do. Good luck!

*currently suffering from a horrible migraine. Tries this*

Are you fucking shitting me it works!?

New sewing machine: Nooo I need software updates.

My 1904 Singer 15: Just put your back into treadling, I can sew through more layers than you dare to attempt and I will still sew through them when the sun burns out if you remember to oil me

My digital watch from like 2004: perma-dead. You think a new battery will help? It laughs at your pain. It mocks your futile scrambling. Nothing can bring it back

My pocket watch from 1872: tick tock bitch

Headlights are just too bright now. We gotta regulate them.

(And before anyone says it’s just an aiming problem - no. Like I apologize to the headlight aficionados clearly lusting after lighthouses, chernobyl, or the death star, but no amount of aiming is gonna fix the fact that the moment your car encounters any kind of hill, curve, or bump, my retinas are vaporized by a shade of blue-white previously known only to god. Just accept your limits and settle for a soft orange like the rest of us)

I get LEDs are more efficient and last far longer but I would like the same quality for my eyes and night vision as well.

If I am greeted by high noon at 10pm for several seconds and no longer can perceive the lines on the road to continue to SAFELY for a good half minute after... Maybe some things more advanced are worse.

(via ztpr9zfkk38a1.jpg (JPEG Image, 850 × 857 pixels))

repeat after me:

crying is a HEALTHY release of emotion AND a great way to complete the stress cycle

it also grants you a tiger

theyre not even microtransactions anymore its just straight up full size purchases. like anything over a dollar thats a whole purchase. stop letting them get away with calling them micro. theres nothing micro about 20 dollars

Crisp Rat is being overshadowed in a movie where he’s the main character by a gay ship between his brother and the main antagonist.