Patchouli & Moonlight

mud puddles reflect

clocks with flowery faces

my hands are empty

~

azuki lynn

naked widow

hand-washing clothes

in her kitchen sink

old but not old

the peeping tom thinks

imagine his surprise

when she turns his way

and winks

~

azuki lynn

Heard this on NPR radio today and it spoke to me. In the hearing, all of my feelings, trials, and tribulations combined into a deep longing, a keen reminder of my missing soulmate and an inkling of my own strength–my ability to persevere despite it all.

As the song says, I always felt that she (my sweet Rose) was the only motherfucker in the city who could handle me…stand me…forgive me.

— • —

I have lost a hero, I have lost a friend

But for you, darling, I'd do it all again

I have lost a hero, I have lost a friend

But for you, darling, I'd do it all again

St. Vincent, "New York"

— • —

New York isn't New York without you, love

So far in a few blocks, to be so low

And if I call you from First Avenue

Well, you're the only motherfucker in the city who can handle me

-

New love wasn't true love, back to you, love

So much for a home run with some blue bloods

If I last-strawed you on 8th Avenue

Where you're the only motherfucker in the city who can stand me

-

I have lost a hero, I have lost a friend

But for you, darling, I'd do it all again

I have lost a hero, I have lost a friend

But for you, darling, I'd do it all again

-

New York isn't New York without you, love

Too few of our old crew left on Astor

So if I trade our 'hood for some Hollywood

Where you're the only motherfucker in the city who would-

Only motherfucker in the city who would-

Only motherfucker in the city who'd forgive me

-

I have lost a hero, I have lost a friend

But for you, darling, I'd do it all again

I have lost a hero, I have lost a friend

But for you, darling, I'd do it all again

-

Jack Antonoff / Annie Clark

no need

-

the church of long shadows

of trees upon trees

no need to fall to one's knees

here, no need

-

the muse is a crow

perched near me, in the pines

not a warning at all

but a blessing

all mine

-

no god but my own breath

as wide as the sky

my footfalls

my heartbeat

the light in my eyes

-

azuki lynn

My blog turned eleven today. It's hard to believe. Even though I'm not as active here as I once was, this place (because it really is a place) is very important to me. You folks have been there for me like nobody else has been, that's the honest truth. In times when I felt utterly bereft, someone here would invariably help me want to keep going. Since Rose died, I'm still struggling with that, with even wanting to exist, wanting to keep going, but I haven't given up, and you guys are part of the reason why. I just wanted you all to know it. I love you.

-

Azuki Lynn

on valentine's day

~

i walked at a brisk pace

through the breezy blueness

around the rippling lake

~

from the asphalt path

i strayed, a time

or two

or three

into swards of fresh-cut grass

between gnarly roots

on top of crunchy leaves

~

i kept company

with purple flowers

and spindly cypress trees

i saw an empty park bench

but did not linger there

~

i thought of you and smiled

remembering how we sat

side by side

on that old bench

watching the bright water

~

blackbirds singing at sunset

amidst the dancing reeds

~

azuki lynn

A lesbian couple in their seventies came in for lumber today. All cargo pants and flannel shirts, they were cheerful and gruff and spry. Couldn’t help but think that should have been us, baby. We should have grown old together. We wanted to. We tried.

green tea and madness

~

i have heard these words before

inside every moonlit howl

every silent weeping

every hopeless thought—

~

you need to get moving

~

perform the ritual

summon your demons

sing to your familiars

feather, twig, and leaf

~

the pot needs filling

the fire needs kindling

begin by moving your hands

grind leaves to powder—

~

sprinkle into water

inhale the rising steam

close your eyes to madness

steep yourself in green

~

azuki lynn

Note to self: Your reason for living doesn't have to be based on some profound or philosophical premise. It's enough to just be. Appreciate the now. Remain curious in the face of life's challenges—

Marvel at its tenacity.

chaotic moon

-

i told her my life story

with letters

with poems

with every, wanton breath

with the cadence of my voice

whispered darkly

lightly

fiercely

brightly

-

it never was enough

my words ran dry

-

how could i have known?

she would leave

and leave

and leave

-

yet never say goodbye

-

azuki lynn