dads are so right about falling asleep on the couch with your arms crossed

Ew, hes running again in 2024.

"Theres no way the country would vote for him twice" is the devil talking. Complacency is the enemy. My ass is voting.

This man took so much longer to crack than I would have what a PROFESSIONAL

Plotting, scheming, etc.

I am weeping 😂🤣😂🤣

Chaos baby

whoa dude when I heard about "radfems" I thought it would be some most radical females! 😍🤙

but these chicks are saying some bogus things about other babes 😬

he's absolutely right I don't need a weighted blanket i need to be put through one of these

Wait a hot second does the internet not know about human squeeze machines, they are basically exactly this but safe for humans, they are used for deep pressure therapy for people who find it grounding. Also sometimes called a hug machine they are a set of large foam rollers that you squeeze in-between and the tension on the rollers is enough to squish you a bit

hang on i need to look something up

holy shit

This is an invention of Dr. Temple Grandin's! She came up with it after seeing cattle in squeeze chutes that were intended to calm them down, and (correctly) deduced that it would help her self-regulate as an Autistic person without the sensory and emotional overload that can come with hugging a human being.

And ngl, I want one.

Bog Trail by Shane Garlock

Maybe I need to walk down the submerged bog trail and I’ll calm down

just realized there's a robot flex emoji 🦾

Classic lit isn't relatable TO YOU. I have something wrong with me though

I can feel The dryness of those markers in my bones

Fun fact those dry markers were supposed to have water put into them to make them work. You take off the bottom thing and pour water in and bam, instant marker success. Only learned about this four years after I’d lost my set 🙃

WHAT

WHAT

WHAT

Hey. Reblog to save some poor kid lots of grief.

Fucking what?!

Every ‘90s child on Tumblr raises their head in outrage.

I just stood up so fast and snatched mine out of my closet brb going to the sink

HOLY FUCKING SHIT

Are you fucking kidding me

They couldn’t have put an instruction card in there or something????

Me, Catholic, walking into a Protestant church with no depictions of Mary: where’s my mom

Me, culturally Protestant, walking into a Catholic church filled balls to the walls with paintings sculptures candles and god knows what else: why’s there so much stuff

Me, Orthodox, walking into a western church:  w h e r e   a r e   t h e   b o n e s

Me, vampire, walking into any denominational holy place: AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA

Me, a janitor, sweeping up the vampires ashes: where the fUCk did all this dirt come from

LMFAOOOO ELON MUSK JUST GOT STABBED BY AN EX TWITTER EMPLOYEE

sorry I felt like lying

I love the concept of exile. Like dude just get out

I’m losing my mind

This is like introducing a zoo animal into a wildlife reserve

what a normal text to receive from your mother

fuck it we ball

"get a load of this guy" no. Get a load IN this guy

can we normalize doing 4 shots & a blunt then sucking balls and all

Please hurry