Chaos Incarnate

reblog to give the pervious person a nice rock

My boyfriend is trying to explain cricket to me again. “He’s only got two balls to make 48 runs”, he says. The camera focuses on a man. Underneath him it says LEFT ARM FAST MEDIUM. A ball flies into the stands and presumably fractures someone’s skull. “There’s a free six”, my boyfriend says. 348 SIXES says the screen. A child in the audience waves a sign referencing Weet-Bix

The first time he showed me this I assumed he was pranking me

if people haven’t been exposed to cricket before, here is the experience. The person who likes cricket turns on a radio with an air of happy expectation. “We’ll just catch up with the cricket,” they say. 

An elderly British man with an accent - you can picture exactly what he looks like and what he is wearing, somehow, and you know that he will explain the important concept of Yorkshire to you at length if you make eye contact - is saying “And w’ four snickets t’ wicket, Umbleby dives under the covers and romps home for a sticky bicket.”

There is a deep and satisfied silence. Weather happens over the radio. This lasts for three minutes.

A gentle young gentleman with an Indian accent, whose perfect and beautiful clear voice makes him sound like a poet sipping from a cup of honeyed drink always, says mildly “Of course we cannot forget that when Pakistan last had the biscuit under the covers, they were thrown out of bed. In 1957, I believe.”

You mouth “what the fucking fuck.”

A morally ambiguous villain from a superhero movie says off-microphone, “Crumbs everywhere.”

Apparently continuing a previous conversation, the villain asks, “Do seagulls eat tacos?”

“I’m sure someone will tell us eventually,” the poet says. His voice is so beautiful that it should be familiar; he should be the only announcer on the radio, the only reader of audiobooks.

The villain says with sudden interest, “Oh, a leg over straight and under the covers, Peterson and Singh are rumping along with a straight fine leg and good pumping action. Thanks to his powerful thighs, Peterson is an excellent legspinner, apart from being rude on Twitter.”

The man from Yorkshire roars potently, like a bull seeing another bull. There might be words in his roar, but otherwise it is primal and sizzling.

“That isn’t straight,” the poet says. “It’s silly.”

“What the fucking fuck,” you say out loud at this point.

“Shh,” says the person who likes cricket. They listen, tensely. Something in the distance makes a very small “thwack,” like a baby dropping an egg.

“Was that a doosra or a googly?” the villain asks.

“IT’S A WRONG ‘UN,” roars the Yorkshireman in his wrath. A powerful insult has been offered. They begin to scuffle.

“With that double doozy, Crumpet is baffled for three turns, Agarwal is deep in the biscuit tin and Padgett has gone to the shops undercover,” the poet says quickly, to cover the action while his companions are busy. The villain is being throttled, in a friendly companionable way.

An intern apparently brings a message scrawled on a scrap of paper like a courier sprinting across a battlefield. “Reddy has rolled a nat 20,” the poet says with barely contained excitement. “Australia is both a continent and an island. But we’re running out of time!”

“Is that true?” You ask suddenly.

“Shh!” Says the person who likes cricket. “It’s a test match.”

“About Australia.”

“We won’t know THAT until the third DAY.”

A distant “pock” noise. The sound of thirty people saying “tsk,” sorrowfully.

“And the baby’s dropped the egg. Four legs over or we’re done for, as long as it doesn’t rain.”

The villain might be dead? You begin to find yourself emotionally invested.

There are mild distant cheers. “Oh, and with twelve sticky wickets t’ over and t’ seagull’s exploded,” the man from the North says as if all of his dreams have come true. “What a beautiful day.” Your person who likes cricket relaxes. It is tea break.

The villain, apparently alive, describes the best hat in the audience as “like a funnel made of dove-colored net, but backwards, with flies trapped in it.”

This is every bit as good as that time in Australia in 1975, they all agree, drinking their tea and eating home-made cakes sent in by the fans. The poet comments favorably on the icing and sugar-preserved violets. The Yorkshire man discourses on the nature of sponge. The villain clatters his cup too hard on his saucer. To cover his embarrassment, the poet begins scrolling through Twitter on his phone, reading aloud the best memes in his enchanting milky voice. Then, with joy, he reads an @ from an ornithologist at the University of Reading: seagulls do eat tacos! A reference is cited; the poet reads it aloud. Everyone cheers.

You are honestly - against your will - kind of into it! but also: weirdly enraged.

“Was that … it?” you ask, deeming it safe to interrupt.

“No,” says the person who likes cricket, “This is second tea break on the first day. We won’t know where we really are until lunch tomorrow.”

And - because you cannot stop them - you have to accept this; if cricket teaches you anything, it is this gentle and radical acceptance.

I thought this post was about… crickets like, you know, crickets…

No it is, you’re right, you’ve nailed it

fuck disappearing under mysterious circumstances i want to start APPEARING under mysterious circumstances. walking through a deserted eerie forest? im there. exploring an abandoned 1930s mine that no human has set foot in for 55 years? there too. touching down on mars? guess whose annoying face you see poking out from behind a rover

I'm only mildly morally outraged by taylor swift. She's kind of the poster child for rich blonde white women but she's not the worst one yknow. She's like the hillary clinton of pop music but I'm grateful that she's not a politician. I do find her lyrics and the way swifties act about those lyrics REALLY funny though. God bless

Some people really whip themselves up into a frenzy about this white woman and her notes app poetry she's getting paid gazillions of dollars for and I'm not convinced it's that serious. Personally. But it's really really really funny. The whole phenomenon of swifties posting lyrics like Can you believe she wrote this herself she's a musical genius. & she's like "I wanted to fuck like a mountain rat / but you were a mouse trap / we're tom and jerry / but like in a straight way" and when you start giggling about it they're like YOUUU DONT UNDERSTAND ART

get fucked this is amazing

I thought Chilchuck’s frog suit looked familiar

i appreciate the attempts a lot of game devs are making with gender neutral character creation, and i appreciate that it's actually a very difficult task to implement that depending on the game's base code. but it's so funny to me when you hear an uproar because some game has "entirely removed the gender option from character creation!!!!!" so you go to check it out and its just like

how to solve a rubik’s cube a gay valentine’s/anniversary comic about trying to impress a boy (my now boyfriend) [rbs&follows>likes]

The fact that he’s not actually struggling but just learned a habit from watching his human buddy snap bamboo is so precious.

It makes me happy when they listen

I’m crying.

LMAOOOOOOOOO the screaming in the beginning “mr. owl” “oh jesus christ” “please don’t give me that look” “please don’t fly” DYING omg

That owl is 30000000% done

every time this video graces me with its presence i feel obliged to reblog it

《 Minecraft 》 Steve x Alex yuri

Muscle practice woo

Have A Nice Day!

rb to 今日はｈａｖｅ　ａ　ｎｉｃｅ　ｄａｙ

This post radiates positive energy

HAVE A NICE DAY

ᕕ( ᐛ )ᕗᕕ( ᐛ )ᕗᕕ( ᐛ )ᕗᕕ( ᐛ )ᕗᕕ( ᐛ )ᕗ

ᕦ( ᐕ )ᕡᕦ( ᐕ )ᕡᕦ( ᐕ )ᕡᕦ( ᐕ )ᕡᕦ( ᐕ )ᕡ

ᕕ( ᐛ )ᕗᕕ( ᐛ )ᕗᕕ( ᐛ )ᕗᕕ( ᐛ )ᕗᕕ( ᐛ )ᕗ

ᕦ( ᐕ )ᕡᕦ( ᐕ )ᕡᕦ( ᐕ )ᕡᕦ( ᐕ )ᕡᕦ( ᐕ )ᕡ

Gotta reblog again

Go have a nice day everyone ☀️

World Heritage Post

He's so real

peak lying on your resume behavior

going into the aromantic tag and seeing almost every single post is also tagged asexual and its like. ok. guys. its fine im ok with it its whatever

talking to people while holding a beverage is awesome because you don't have to know what to do with your hands and when you don't know what to do with your face you can just take a sip

1. Classic Tabby

[Source: Metatron Eyes Maine Coons]

2. Marbled Tabby

[Source: BangkokCats]

3. Mackerel Tabby

[Source: FI*RuusuLinnan Ingrid]

4. Braided Tabby

[Source: Brindle Way Toygers]

5. Spotted Tabby

[Source: NitroKatz Savannahs]

6. Rosetted Tabby

[Source: Liberty Bengals]

7. Ticked Tabby

[Source: King Size]

8. Servaline Tabby

[Source: Akilah Cat] [AAFP Position Statement: Hybrid Cats]