Kiwi's Corner

we're having sex and you pull out at the end to discover your cock is entirely gone, dissolved (ive digested it like a pitcher plant). bye!

You'd unfollow me for my pitcher plant pussy post? After the beautiful night we shared???

WASNT A BEAUTIFUL NIGHT. PESIS IS GONE.

my mom told me that credit card interest paid used to be tax deductible and i looked this up because it sounded totally bananas to me but apparently this used to be the case until 1986. what sort of fantasy world were baby boomers living in

hannah

I hit a pothole (a Michigan pothole so basically a sinkhole) today and my check engine light came on. I don’t have one of those computer plugins to reset the light and I knew it was just a sensor that got knocked so I was just like “well let’s see if this works” and on the way home I swerved and hit the pothole again and the check engine light turned off

I just googled “Michigan Pothole”

IS THIS STATE OKAY??????

cooking show but the judge is just a random kid with autism related food issues. no one can figure out what criteria they use to judge "good food" from "bad food" least of all the judge themself.

starts off as a cooking show and devolves into a heartfelt comedy of errors as all these professional top chefs use their decades of training & skill to try to help this one kid eat a balanced diet

by the end of the season the chefs have combined their knowledge to more-or-less figure out how to consistently make food that the judge is willing to eat. at which point we start over with a whole new season and a new judge with all new food issues!

spin-off series where there is an entire panel of judges consisting specifically of one large family whose members have multiple dietary restrictions. the contestants must planning a week's worth of dinners that account for everyone's needs, using commonly available ingredients on a normal household budget. they are not allowed to repeat meals

Now THIS is a cooking show i would watch!

I. I want this. This is a fucking insanely good idea.

just found out that giant squid meat is chock fucking full of ammonium ions to increase buoyancy so they would taste fucking disgusting if you tried to make calamari out of them. i mean i wasn't planning on it but a girl can dream right? nobody talk to me

don't worry, the monster can't hurt me. i'm being guided by a woman now, and i'm a feminist as always.

waiter can i have another menu now i finished reading this one

A little bit stinky

Fire At Will

I hate calling in sick I don't want to inform anyone about my abnormal bowel movements

I love it. I call them up and say hey bossman I'm camped out on the shitter today yeehaw

you are so beautiful in every way

We will get married on a windswept cliff and the dinner will be easily digestible

I think there should be levels to the death penalty. Like if u kill one guy, then you just get lethal injection or whatever, but if you kill 30 guys, which is pretty bad, you get shot out a canon whilst silly circus music plays in the background. 

More….more! !