None Fandom, Left Airplanes

Write a horror story in the format of an Internet search history

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I have such silly hair.

I did not tell it to do this. This is just what it did today. It will never do exactly this again, though. That would be boring, apparently.

Roses are red, that much is true, but violets are purple, not fucking blue.

I have been waiting for this post all my life.

They are indeed purple, But one thing you’ve missed: The concept of “purple” Didn’t always exist.

Some cultures lack names For a color, you see. Hence good old Homer And his “wine-dark sea.”

A usage so quaint, A phrasing so old, For verses of romance Is sheer fucking gold.

So roses are red. Violets once were called blue. I’m hugely pedantic But what else is new?

My friend you’re not wrong About Homer’s wine-ey sea! Colours are a matter Of cultural contingency;

Words are in flux And meanings they drift But the word purple You’ve given short shrift.

The concept of purple, My friends, is old And refers to a pigment once precious as gold.

By crushing up molluscs From the wine-dark sea You make a dye: Imperial decree

Meant that in Rome, to wear purpura was a privilege reserved

For only the emperor!

The word ‘purple’, for clothes so fancy, Entered English By the ninth century

.

Why then are voilets Not purple in song? The dye from this mollusc, known for so long

Is almost magenta; More red than blue. The concept of purple is old, and yet new.

The dye is red, So this might be true: Roses are purple And violets are blue

.

While this song makes me merry, Tyrian purple dyes many a hue From magenta to berry And a true purple too.

But fun as it is to watch this poetic race The answer is staring you right in the face: Roses are red and violets are blue Because nothing fucking rhymes with purple.

Hirple - To limp or walk awkwardly

Cirple - An old Scots word for the hindquarters of a horse

“Roses are red, violets are purple,

My boner for you has caused me to hirple.”

…

DYING. I AM DYING.

i need people do do me a favor and be absolutely normal about it

i have a completely normal coworker who does music and stuff and its good music and i want to send my army of followers to his video on yt and just +like it or something. something to boost him in the algorithm

the issue is no one can let him know this second life i live on the internet because if he finds out i have 25k followers on tumblr or 10k on twitter etc then the questions will flow and i will not be prepared for the conversation about werewolves that follows

Ok heres the video, just +like it and if you want to comment just say you're from reddit or facebook or somewhere

If someone DOES want to share it to reddit that'd be awesome and I'd love you but I dont have an active account there

Just enjoy the music yall. Its honestly really good if you like some classic sounding R&B. The man's voice reminds me of usher to some extent with a little more gravel. Its honestly just sex. Its really really good and he only have 114 subs and the video only has like 90ish likes or something. Honestly its sad. He sounds amazing.

Yes!! Hes REALLY good and his music is giving 90's RnB. It's fantastic and his voice is great and I really want him to blow up

Also here's his Spotify for those of you wanting to add it to your likes and your playlists

this is making me so happy im so proud of you guys i literally dont have words

I must not mock Gen Alpha. Mocking Gen Alpha is the mind killer. Mocking Gen Alpha is the little-death that brings total generational solidarity obliteration. I will engage with Gen Alpha lovingly. I will permit them to be cringe. And when they grow up I will turn my eye to their accomplishments. Where mocking has gone there will be nothing. Only generational solidarity remains

The Kids are indeed Alright.

We must teach them the Lore of things,

like piracy, and how to find stuff at the Library, and Unions, and what it's not legal for job applications to ask you.

when i hear complaints about the boomers, i say "was it not boomers getting shot by cops while protesting against the war in vietnam? Were not boomers the ones who insisted that banks would no longer require a cosign from a husband or father for a woman to open an account or have a credit card? Did they not literally take us to the moon?"

When i hear complaints about gen x i say " did not gen x bear the brunt of AIDS and the creation of the 'inner city'? wasn't it gen-x marching for queer rights and women's body autonomy and a change in corrupt banking policies in some of the largest protests in the country's history?"

when i hear complaints about millennials, i say "have not millennials fought against and lived through so many 'once in a generation' disasters they should by all rights have given up by now? Are not millennials those who rally against the status quo? the industry killers, the cop protesters, they who live through unending hardship as the economic noose tightens, leading the charge for sustainability and socio-economic reform?"

when i hear complaints about gen-z i say "hasn't gen-z gotten involved younger, and been involved stronger, in the continuance of these noble traditions? Are they not living without even the broken pieces of the promise given to the generations that came before? haven't they had their childhoods derailed by the imminence of consequences for actions they were never even present for?"

when i hear complaints about generation alpha i say "HOW DARE YOU. How dare you malign these souls who will have to fix so much that they did not have a hand in ruining... or else die of these mistakes made before they were born. How dare you do the work of our shared oppressors and alienate our fresh blood. You are not to mistreat and mock the youngest soldiers in this fight, no! you point out to them the best targets, you share your rations, you show them how to stay alive, because anyone in the trenches with us is our brethren, our sistren. Our safety and our strength."

don't let the worst kind of stand up comedian tell you other generations are terrible. Don't let the worst kind of headline convince you each generation is against the other. Don't let the worst kind of oppressive force keep us divided along lines that mean nothing real. Because that is how they win.

Knowledge is empowering

you can literally get gender changers for like $3

And yes, that's literally what they're called.

Reblog if you got a gender changer for like $3

it's exactly the same with animals in nature too btw (including humans)

you try to say there's any absolute boundary or definition of almost ANY thing in nature...

then the more information you learn the less possible that becomes.

Wild Lionesses that grow manes and take on male roles in the pride, people born with both a penis and a uterus, butterflies born with one male wing and one totally different shaped female wing.

Fish that change gender from male to female to become the group's only egg-layer, and also there's no such thing as a fish, actually. There is no definition of fish that isn't going to exclude things that you know are fish, and/or include things you know aren't fish.

Oh and science might not be able to define a tree either. And birds are probably a type of crocodile actually (dino fandom don't @ me all i'm saying is crocodiles aren't considered dinosaurs because they evolved from archosaurs but birds also evolved from archosaurs so...) fun related fact, several species of crocodilian were recently discovered to spend a stage of their development living up in the trees! Y'know, until they get big enough to not be eaten by other crocodiles. anyway

The point is, there are no rules that nature always follows, we just simplify everything in school so that third graders don't have an existential meltdown, and because in most conversations you can just call a "fish" a fish and it's fine.

But not if you're going to assume that your cliff notes ass understanding of the world is the same as educated expertise and use your "knowledge" to bully people who's lives you don't comprehend by trying to argue that they are unnatural, unreal, or unacceptable. That's not fine at all.

My coworker Mike just started cracking up. Informed us someone was trying to make a test Outlook group at work and seems to have accidentally made it a real Outlook group.

Everyone added to the group is named Mike.

Creator of the group isn’t online yet but the Mikes are coming online in droves.

“Why was I added to this group? What do I have in common with all these other Mikes?” -one of the Mikes

“Ah, so this is Mikerosoft” (<- you’re never gonna guess what company I work for)

One Mike has suggested this is an effort by the group-creator to hunt Mikes for sport

Coworker (Mike T.) has informed us he had a meeting earlier today, and among the participants one person was missing (Mike S.) Current theory is first Mike casualty had occurred. More will follow.

Current suggestion is we attempt to add a non-Mike to the group, to test its security.

Coworker Alex: "Alex log, day 207. The Mikes have started to accept me as one of their own."

Delighted to inform you the group creator is not a Mike at all. It is apparently some guy named Ashton.

Great news everyone

Contents:

Yeah you say this, except there's a good chance you were chronically dehydrated as a kid. The reason you didn't think you were is because a) no one was talking about dehydration at the time, and b) the effects weren't immediately obvious.

But when my grown-up massage clients get on my table and I have to keep reapplying lotion because their skin absorbs the first layer immediately? When they have a million "knots" because their soft tissue fibers got dried out, lost their elasticity and became sticky, basically glued themselves together, and now it hurts when you move your arm like this, or your neck is always achey?

Yeah, that's chronic dehydration. That's shit that builds up over years of not drinking enough water (and/or not stretching, and/or having shitty posture, and/or not healthily processing your difficult emotions, and/or...)

Health is mostly maintenance. You have to act in "healing" ways consistently if you don't want to spend your life in a cycle of pain -> fix -> same pain again. And the younger you start, the better your results will be.

So yeah, treat the youth and yourself like beached orcas and drink that water.

So yeah, treat the youth

and yourself like beached orcas

and drink that water.

Beep boop! I look for accidental haiku posts. Sometimes I mess up.

"Health is mostly maintenance" is freaking awesome and reminds me of one of my favorite quotes ever: "Repetition is the only form of permanence nature can achieve." -- George Santayana

Toilet for cruisers and toilet for ppl who actually gotta piss.

Saw this license plate today and I'm still ugly laughing about it

Im gonna shill for Marie Kondo again but this is why I find her books (yes, books, the TV show is fun but ultimately misses a lot of the core ideas) so good.

A lot of home org advice fully misses this aspect. Kondo not only acknowledges it, but leans into it. And ultimately this helps motivste me to keep my space tidy - it's really hard to me to keep on the nebulous goal of self-care, but much easier to get up and put things away if I envision my salt and pepper grinders as like, retail workers who are now standing in an empty shop (my dining table) and just wanna go home (the spice rack where they live).

Normie tidying process: that heater should be put away for summer! I mean, I'm not gonna need it

Me: well it's just chilling and also I can't be arsed.

Kondo: that heater has done a good job keeping you warm over winter and now it should get to go have a rest in the cupboard

Me: !! Sabbatical for my heater!! Thank you for your service sir and have a very nice break!

just saw a tiktok or something where the person was saying they did this and they were on a hike and they were like "i managed to get myself to go on this hike because i promised my boots we would go" and its like. OH YEAH. THAT.

cowboys never die. they just ride off into the sunset

is that what your parents told you when you came back from school one day and your cowboy was missing

I don’t know who needs to hear this today, but intrusive thoughts are basically your brain’s (sometimes very upsetting) way of saying “If there were two guys on the moon and one of them killed the other with a rock would that be fucked up or what?”

I’ve personally found that adding the “would that be fucked or what?” part in myself really helps put the more disturbing thoughts we sometimes get into perspective. Helps me say “yeah thar sure would be fucked up” and move on with my day.

It’s not not a secret desire, it’s not something that only occurs to you because you’re a bad person. It’s just your brain deciding to process the fact that it knows an uncomfortable thing exists in the world by feeding it to you in an absurd “what if” with you as the main character.

Words cannot describe how happy I am that this resonated with so many people.

This might be my favorite coping mechanism of this genre I've heard yet. Sibling goals.

My vibe about ships since forever tbh