nasa: we're going to shoot three rockets directly at the sun during the total eclipse. for study and research purposes.

me: oh cool

nasa: we have named the rockets apep. this stands for atmospheric perturbations [in the] eclipse path.

me: oh cool

nasa: apep is also the ancient egyptian deity of chaos and darkness, who ceaselessly seeks to extinguish the sun. we launch these rockets directly at the sun in the name of apep.

me: oh... cool?

BRO WHAT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!????!!!!!!

I AM STILL SCREAMING ABOUT THIS!! I'M ROCKING AROUND THE FUCKING CHRISTMAS TREE!!! I WANT MORE MAGIC LORE AND MECHANICS TO LEARN HOW THIS SHIT WOOORKS!!!

I WANT IT TO GO INTO MORE MUNDANE THINGS: LIKE THE DAY IN THE LIFE OF A BALANCE WIZARD! WHERE IS THE CAFETERIA?? HOW ARE BULLIES HANDLED? WHAT DOES THE AVERAGE WIZARDS' HOMEWORK AND TESTS LOOK LIKE???? GIMME, GIMME, GIMME, GIMME!!!

“Commander Vimes didn’t like the phrase ‘The innocent have nothing to fear’, believing the innocent had everything to fear, mostly from the guilty but in the longer term even more from those who say things like ‘The innocent have nothing to fear’.”

–Terry Pratchett, Snuff

i lowkey ship tumblr ♠ twitter now

the twitter users are coming QUICK post twitblr yaoi

I have never made art faster in my life

it’s because they’re divorced

Man this goes hard feel free to screenshot 💔😰💔💔😰

The mods are asleep, post Tumblr x Twitter art

Okay okay but this is fascinating because it's such a visceral example of how mythology works.

Most characters in mythologies are personifications of concepts, or embody some natural phenomenon - like the story of Hades and Persephone is there to explain why the seasons change, Persephone being spring, Demeter - summer, and the absence of them both resulting in death (Hade's domain) and winter, and so we can't have Persephone stay in underworld all year round or have Demeter steal her back to earth permanently, otherwise they myth would lose its core function.

Interpreting the myth without the lense of the natural phenomena that it explains would make it lose an integral part of itself, and therefore make the plot and characters seem strange or unnatural. Why does Demeter hate Hades so much, seeing how so many mothers are okay with Zeus doing atrocious things to their offspring just because he's Zeus? Does Persephone actually want to stay or not? What's with the bizarre arrangement?

Most modern interpretations strip myths of their natural contexts, making them character-driven instead of phenomena-driven, which just makes them land differently - they can still be fine stories, just not myths, not is the traditional sense.

And now we get to this beauty. This is absolutely a myth, the most classical kind. The relationship between characters, who are personifications of objects, phenomena or concepts (in this case, online platforms) used as an intuitively understood metaphor for an event (the demise of Twitter and the Tumblr userbase being unwilling to accept Twitter's userbase).

It's a story that can work as a so-called "explanation myths". We have seasons because Persephone spends half a yesterday underworld and half a year with her mother. We don't like Twitter because the Twitter God and Tumblr God broke up. Ladies and gents and other assorted respectables, we here are witnessing the creation of a perfect modern myth.

Okay but which of them took the shoelaces in the divorce?

I thought about it way more than a non-feverish me would, and I've come to the conclusion:

The modern myth that is The Divorce of Tumblr and Twitter carries the themes of regression, corruption and downfall. Some of Twitter userbase used to be part of Tumblr userbase, but they left and changed (corruption). Now that Twitter is becoming uninhabitable (downfall), people are trying to return to Tumblr (regression, possible downfall of Tumblr), and to keep them off Tumblr is returning to its old cringe self (regression).

So, if we are to follow the themes, the logical conclusion would be to send the shoelaces back to the president.

This is the fastest I've ever written I think

There once lived a young man, handsome as daylight, bright and strong. He was known as Twitter, beloved by the people, a favorite of the gods. His chosen companion, Tumblr, was not dear to the people or the gods. He, a traveling storyteller, preferred solitude. His tales were strange and often unpleasant to the ears, but enchanting in their vulgarity. 

One day, Tumblr's patron goddess, Yahoo, enraged by his vulgar words, put a curse on him. He was not to utter vulgarities, speak of the pleasures of the flesh. His stories of lycanthrope companions were lost to the sands of time, and with them, his last listeners turned away from him. 

Twitter watched others laugh at his beloved, turn him away from their doors, and a dark thought settled over him. He was perfect in every way, his only fault was the affiliation with the cursed taleweaver. And so, little by little, they drifted apart. 

In his travels, Tumblr stumbled into the temple of Apollo, who bestowed upon him the gift of prophecy. He made acquaintance with the trifecta of wise temple maidens who induced visions through hallucinogenic incense. His stories changed, still bizarre and often vulgar, but at times full of wonder and truth. 

At that time, Twitter enjoyed all the luxuries of the mortal world. He was the companion of kings, wealthy merchants, legendary heroes, wise philosophers. 

One day, a man richer than rich, richer than the God of wealth, went to the senate of directors and asked to buy the most precious thing in the entire polis. 

The senate thought long and hard, and said: "do you wish for our finest singer, the most sweet-voiced of the land, Spotifia? I am afraid I cannot part with her. "

"No, " said the rich man, his voice cold and harsh, "I said I have come to buy your most precious thing."

"Have you come for our gambler, the chosen of the god of luck, MAXimil? They earn us more riches than you can offer. I shall not part with them. "

"No," the rich man repeated, "I have come to buy your most precious thing. I have come for Twitter."

The senators laughed, then, for they knew this must be a joke. Twitter was too beloved by the gods to be owned as a servant. But the rich man did not smile. He offered money, then more and more still. As the goddess of hubris clouded his mind, he offered more money than he could afford to spend, more than the senate could afford to refuse, for it was enough gold to form armies five times the size of their polis. 

And so Twitter, the proud Twitter, the untouchable Twitter who laughed at kings and scholars alike, became a servant. 

As he was put onto a gilded ship to be sailed off to the rich man's land, he prayed to the gods that granted him beauty and strength and a sharp tongue, but none answered. His cruelty and vanity made them turn away, and he was too full of his power to notice. 

Finally, the young man remembered one more name. He called for Tumblr, his forgotten companion. 

First time he called, the birds took off and flew in all directions. Second time he called, the animals fled in fear. Gathering all the strength he had, he called a third time.

His call shook the earth and the skies, and in an instant, Apollo's taleweaver stood on the shore. 

Twitter cried in relief. "My love!" he called, "save me! Save me, and I shall be yours for the eternity to come. I shall bask you in glory and riches. I shall make the people love you."

Tumblr looked at the rich old man, at the gilded ship, gilded chains, at the other slaves that were meant to please the rich man during his trip, dressed in the finest clothes fit for kings and immortals. 

"You'll like your new life, dear. " said Tumblr. "You are idle: he shan't make you do much. You are prideful: he shall treat you like a god. You are vain, and so you might fear you might be forgotten, one servant among many. Fear not," he smiled. "I shall sing a song of us."

I AM SORRY I DIDNT KNOW WHAT BEAST I WOULD CREATE WITH THE DIVORCE THING OH MY GOSH

Okay but adding onto this because I think its interesting: myths like these tend to also come with morals or lessons to take away. (The story of Icarus for example, or the story of Oedipus)

I think there's multiple morals that one can take from what Writing-is-a-martial-art made! so, here's a list of some of the morals someone could take away from this:

you can probably tell that the last one probably has the most evidence for it.

anyways i'm now gonna go think up some more stories about social media platforms because this is fun

(like?? what if steam had a story? what if there was a story based off of all those tumblr scams? the possibilities are endless!)

love story of the modern day

btw if youre ever thinking "i'll remember this, i don't need to write it down" do NOT listen that is the devil speaking. write that shit down boy

follow forthefuns for more funny stuff

Your honor! Please direct your attention towards the manga.

As you can see there are small pieces of paper sticking out of every volume.

But no such paper is sticking out of the Batman comic.

The reason? The Batman book doesn’t belong to the library. The photographer put it there to take a picture.

Once again making hasty assumptions, Wright?

First of all, I’d like to direct the court’s attention to this particular spot, in the top right-hand corner.

Notice how the words are blocking the top of the Batman book.

With this in mind, how can you claim that there is “no such paper sticking out of the Batman comic”?!

Say whaaaat?

Well uhm

Look at the size of the paper pieces, they’re all sticking pretty far out.

If there was paper in the batman comic, it would be big enough to stick up over the text.

And while gravity does exist, it probably won’t make the paper do a 90 degree turn and just lean horisontally left at the middle.

Still grasping for straws, Wright?

Hypothetically, if there were a paper there, this picture would not be able to prove its presence. I’ve taken the liberty of drawing a diagram to illustrate my point. We are faced with three possibilities. It is possible that (1) the paper was simply tucked in deeper than the others.

Paper is a soft material, Wright. It’s not unreasonable for it to do a (2) 90 degree turn. 

Or perhaps, (3) a paper does not exist there at all. 

Either way, you cannot prove your client innocent without sufficient evidence.  

Which, of course, is impossible thanks to the obtrusive words.

I’m sorry Edgeworth.

I concede that I can’t disprove theory 1

But the image you submited for theory 2 is contradictory.

Look at the tilt of the other papers. They clearly prove how much the paper would tilt.

And theory 3 is my point! Why would the library’s book not have this piece of paper when the other library books do?

While you still have thory 1, there is another contradiction.

The books are not in alphabetical order, this proves that the batman comic was placed there specifically for the picture!

Ack.

(Perhaps I should’ve left the artistry to the forensic artist…)

Now hold it right there! It doesn’t matter which direction the paper is going because it’s impossible to prove it even exists!

Those theories are all the same! We do not have enough information to prove them. There could be an infinite amount of papers in there for all we know. I simply presented them only so that the court could better understand your baseless conjecture!

… I suppose the order of the books do seem out of the ordinary. However, therein lies not just one possibility. Clearly, those are Japanese graphic novels, also known as “manga”. And the Batman comic book is a graphic novel, too, no?

Seeing as it currently has only graphic novels in the shelf, it is possible that any other novels have simply not yet been restocked. Asserting whether or not this effect was deliberate is useless– there is no way of knowing if the photographer and the captioner are the same person, let alone their involvement in this picture.

Face it Wright, you can’t prove any of these groundless accusations!

Did everyone just ignore the library sticker?

D E AD

I will reblog this any time i see it on my dash

Absolutely fucking D E S T R O Y E D

This is the strongest Tumblr post I’ve ever witnessed.

This was recommended and as a super logical person I can see why

I’ve been looking for this for ages!!

Apparently legendary.

@hellsite-hall-of-fame

iconic

I swear I’ve reblogged this before but every time I see it I internally scream “THESE BOOKS ARE ON A HOLD SHELF” that’s why they have pieces of paper in them and are not shelved in alphabetical order (they’re shelved by who they’re on hold for). It’s also why the labels on the manga and the graphic novel are different (note how the one says “YA” and the other says “Teen”) - because they’re most likely from different library collections.

Suffice to say, this court case could have used a library employee as an expert witness and saved a lot of time.

This will remain the only tumblr post I love with all my heart.

I’ve been blessed to lay my eyes upon it again.

Listen I love these sisters and you can pry this dynamic from my cold dead hands

Impa being an angry mom friend is Amazing

I’m still thinking about Age of Calamity Impa.

I’m just so fucking pissed off man if they can surgically airstrike international volunteer food workers three consecutive times to ensure their operation is wiped out completely what the fuck is left for anyone to say

kill one group of aid workers with explicit intent so that all other potential or currently operating aid organizations pull out of the region to ensure gaza starves with no one willing to risk helping her people. deep sickness

Let it be known that the world would rather watch as the zionist occupation wipes out my people systematically, industrially, daily, than to take the offensive and end it before it's too late, and it's already too late. No, what's most important to them is pretending bureaucracy is real and not a façade for Western war criminals to keep doing what they want as long as they want.

Sort of follows THIS DRAWING of Grandmother Raven. Same plot/story from that drawing.

AU/Headcanon talk below

my lvl 170 storm wiz Eurydice ᐠ( ᐛ )ᐟ

Alia Sunmender ☀️

Commission from @marceline-says-lol-inquisitively for @shining-scion of their character Alia!!

left or right be honest

template by @monicole-art

kuuga is so good

🥹 LA CREATURA......