his eyes 🥺 his neck 😳

tw: suicide, depression

i don’t really know what to tell you. my mental health is no better now than it was when i attempt to kill myself two weeks ago.

i’m feeling very lonely and while i know i did some heinous things a year ago, i want you all to know that i’ve spent the last eight months trying my very hardest to spread love and become a better person. i don’t think there’s anyone who hates me more for the things i did back then than me.

i want to apologise yet again to all those i’ve hurt and i sincerely wish you’ll all be able to heal from my abuse. i know it’s been a long time since it all happened but i understand that these things stay with you for a long time, even after it’s all over.

i also want to apologise for the picture i posted. i was in the middle of a mental breakdown and quite frankly, i don’t remember much of that day. all i really remember is feeling hopeless and consequently doing something i probably shouldn't have. i know the picture was triggering and i know some people reacted negatively to it. there’s nothing to say other than i’m sorry for ever posting it.

i want to tell you that i’m feeling better but i’m really not. my attempt two weeks ago was my third since november. i’ve spent the time away from tumblr wanting to get better but found that i’m only feeling disappointed in myself for managing to fuck up again. how hard can it really be to just die? i know i’m not the only one upset that i didn’t do it this time either, judging by some of the anons i have gotten.

i want to be better and kinder, not only to others but also to myself. i have spent the last eight months trying to spread as much love as possible to make up for what an awful person i used to be. it seems that it didn’t make any difference.

i can’t escape the things i did, no matter how much i regret them and how much i try to be a kinder person. my most innocent posts get twisted into something they are not and i find that despite a year passing, nothing has changed.

i do not have any hate in my heart for anyone. i understand perfectly that some of you may hate me, and like i’ve already said, i hate myself too. i had wanted to come back to tumblr with a positive post, promising new writing and new possibilities. i’m sorry this post is not that. i survived my last attempt, but a large part of me did die that day and i fear that my love for writing might have been lost too.

i logged back on to find that many of those i considered to be my closest friends have either blocked me or called me crude names. again, i have no hate in my heart for anyone and i have complete understanding that many might feel differently about me. thank you to everyone that’s reached out to check on me and i’m sorry that i can’t alleviate the worries of those who have been concerned for me

i’m really sorry for not being a better person even though i tried my hardest

@primarybts I hear you, love. I don’t know what time you posted this. But I’m so sorry you have to go through something like that on your own.

I hope you know that you are not the mistakes you made. Your mistakes, everything that you did wrong in your life can only define you up until the point you decide to forgive yourself and do something about it.

I know what it feels like to be alone. I can’t tell you that it gets better because my days come and go but yes, the feelings of hate will go away.

People learn to forgive as time passes. Soon enough no one would even remember what the thing actually was. But it’s you who’ll always remember. So, please, atleast try and forgive yourself.

I wish for your days to get better and better.

I hope you never give up.

Sending all my good energy towards you. ✨

📚BTS Fic Reads - 2021 February Jungkook

*Fics are not mine. Credits go to all the writers. Please show them love by reblogging and/or commenting on their work 🥰.

Note: if link doesn’t work, click on author and go to their masterlist

Part 1 

Jungkook

All in the Triangle @mintxxxy​ - one shot | 10.3k | percussionist!jungkook x orchestra conductor!reader, Orchestra AU, Music AU, fwb AU | S, F, slight A

Blindfold @themfchase​ - series | 45.7k | college au, escort au (of some sort), frat au, secret identity | S, F ~ [6/6] (a reblog)  🌷

Chasing Buses @bangtanwhatif​ - drabble | 2.8k | high school au, bus seatmates until one day OC didn’t appear | F

Cheeky Bunny @yoongihime​ - one shot | 4.1k | hybrid au, leopard!reader x bunny!jungkook, prey-predator dynamics but this is SO FLUFFY 😍  🌷

Despair in the Departure Lounge @misstae​ - one shot | 19.2k | childhood friends, college au, roommate au, uhm… poor taehyung? | A, F, slight S (something I’ve read years ago and I rediscovered by chance)

Doxology @dark-muse-iris​ - one shot | 6.3k | established relationship, secret relationship | S, F (reading smoochkook’s fic unholy cock up led me to recalling/reblogging similar-themed fics)  🌷

Ember Burning @kpopfanfictrash​ - one shot | 36k | fantasy AU, dragon AU, dragon riders, enemies to lovers | A, F, S

Fortuity @yoontopia​ - one shot | 7.7k | detective AU, ex-friends (sorta), unrequited love, childhood friends | A, F

Keep reading

Masterlist~

Disclaimer: Any and all Jongdae fics were written before the news broke that he was to be married/having a child. I am only keeping them up because I put work into them. If you read them, that’s on your own head lol

Moodboard Masterlist

Drabble Masterlist

Reactions Masterlist

Thanks to @yeolsmiling for my mega uwu banners

Steal them and I’ll cut you~ ٩(◕‿◕)۶

Relatable Moods → Thor: Ragnarok Edition

OH MY GOD

By @fake.disney.facts on tiktok

BRUH IM CACKLING why is this so damn accurate

WAIT- He really do be right 

Blood on a marble wall      I like the way they all                            Scream

[you should see me in a crown by billie eilish]

for VOID MONTH | @writingsbychlo

gag level: jeon jungkook

:((

B T S  F I R E x GRAND THEFT AUTO

b99 characters alignment chart: Jake Peralta (½)

“what my sims do when im offline”