They flinched at the other’s harsh words and their touch. Maybe they were weak for crying. Maybe they were stupid. But they couldn’t change the way they felt, and crying was just their way of showing how they felt.

“I’m sorry. I can leave if you want me to.”

Clearly their crying was making Chara uncomfortable, and that was the last thing they wanted. They just wanted a place where they could mourn in peace. 

“All you have to do is say the word and I’m gone.”

Stay determined? How can I…?

No. That wasn’t... They huffed a breath. Asriel was the one who was good at this. Chara just... didn’t connect with people the way he did. They put their hands in their own lap, trying to think of a way to say that they were accidentally yelling at themselves, without admitting that.

“No. It’s fine. Just... Know that... Sometimes you have hold onto your Determination. Even when your plans all fail and you have nothing left to live for or to die for. You have to stay Determined anyway. Because that’s what he’d want.”

Welcome back, partner

Seeing Chara walked away from the car, Frisk sighed as she shut the door closed. She then locks the car before going after her friend. She hoped no forest ranger tows her car while she was away. “Yeah, she still eats snails and picked up some new snail recipes.” Her fingers count up to list, “Escargot, snail tarts, snail stuffed mushroom, snail spaghetti…and I don’t mean the noodle shells.” She giggles.

They made a face. Snails. They hated snails. All of the ways sounded gross. Why did Moth-- Toriel. Like them so much?

“Please tell me she at least still makes good things. Like... Butterscotch.” They always loved butterscotch. And Asriel loved cinnamon. And more than butterscotch they loved chocolate. “Or that she found a recipe for chocolate something. Chocolate that in no way involves snails. Why does she eat snails Frisk?”

Flowey obeyed Chara’s request wordlessly, unwinding from their shoulders and his roots released their arm, dropping him in their lap. His roots curled into a bundle under his stem and he moved somewhat similar to a snake to twist around and face them again, “Pretending you care about someone is the easiest way to get them to do things.”

Chara wanted to feel like he was manipulating them still. Like that was an admission of guilt. The child even glared for a moment, waiting for the blackness that overtook their eyes so often now. 

But nothing happened. They were tired. Tired of having to constantly watch their back. Being distrustful was as much work as being untrustworthy. More even. 

“Don’t pretend with me.” They would threaten Flowey. Later. If he pushed them. Why couldn’t Asriel be here? Asriel would have known if Flowey was playing them or not. But Asriel had trusted Chara. And Dust is all that trust got anyone. “What sort of things did you make people do?”

“Pretending to have a Soul,” Flowey frowned; Chara didn’t trust him. Of course not, they didn’t understand that Flowey needed them. Because they didn’t need him the same way. 

“I know you don’t trust me Chara. You don’t trust anybody and I’m fine with that,” He wasn’t fine with that, but what could he do to change their mind? No matter how trustworthy he proved himself to be, the doubt would always exist within Chara. That’s the way they were.

The child huffed and reached up, trying to untangle the flower from their shoulders. “I don’t trust anyone because no one is trustworthy.” Everyone will hurt them given the chance. In a thousand tiny ways. “Get off my neck. I don’t want to crush you and I want to lean back.”

Chara never considered how they were caring about what happened to Flowey. Despite not trusting him. Despite claiming to hate him. They didn’t want to hurt him. They wished he was something more than a soulless golden flower. They were taking him on this journey and they were going to make sure that everything was equal between the two of them. If they considered it for a moment, they might change how they acted to better suit their words, rather than change their words.

“Why do you bother pretending to have a Soul? I don’t bother pretending to be anything but a demon.”

Frisk would be okay. It didn’t feel like it right now. They didn’t know if it woulld ever feel like that. But they decided to be as optimistic as they could in this kind of situation.

They looked up at Chara’s face and forced a smile. They were right. Sans wouldn’t want them to be sad. He’d want them to be happy, to smile, to-

Oh, no. Here came the tears again.

“i just… I wanted to know him so badly. I looked for him for so long.”

Oh... they were crying again. Chara looked around for help. Someone? Anyone? How were they supposed to...?

They pat the person on the shoulder. Awkward. Again. 

“There... there.” Chara thy weakness seems to be offering comfort. “I... am sure he wanted to know you too. But... things don’t.... work how we want them to. And crying doesn’t help. It won’t bring him back. And it won’t change that your plan failed. Crying won’t change anything that you did or any of the things you never got to say. So... just... cut it out.”

They looked away, redness hitting their splotchy cheeks. They’d let their mouth run unintentionally. They hadn’t meant to say all that. Hadn’t meant to find themselves thinking about their only real friend who they had killed. Stupid. “Don’t cry. Stay Determined.”

Welcome back, partner

Frisk gulped as the two arrived at a parked car sitting under the shades of the trees. “Well…” She pulls out her chain of keys, pressed a button on the remote to unlock the car. “Have you heard of something called ‘escargot’, Chara?” she asks rather nervously. Her face had turned slightly pale when mentioning this particular dish. The woman goes to the right side of the car, where the passenger seat was, and opens it up. She offers Chara to get in.

Chara looked at it a long moment. They didn’t want to.They knew, from touching the fallen souls, that this was a safe thing with the right person controlling it. But it wasn’t something they had ever actually... Couldn't Frisk and them walk? Frisk had walked from one end of the Underground to the other. Why this... motorized vehicular device?

“Toriel still eats snails. That’s what you mean.” Red eyes glared at the ‘car’. They weren’t getting in that. They would walk. They used to walk a lot of places. That thing looked... no. They didn’t want it.

Chara turned on a heel and started walking down the road without a word. They had learned a lot over time. Learned and accepted and adjusted. But they were not willing to deal with that. They didn’t want to. No one could make them. No one could make them do anything. Not anymore.

Asgore was surprised by the child’s reaction. “Forgive me. I did not mean to upset you.“ Asgore apologized, a bit saddened that they went back to their slightly reclusive state.

“You... didn’t. I d-don’t get upset. You d-didn’t... do anything wrong King Asgore.” An apology? What were they supposed to do with an apology? No on apologized to them. They were the cause of all bad things. They had upset the King and now he was going to get rid of them. But they were keeping Asriel. Asriel liked them. Asriel was their friend. Chara was never letting him go.

Welcome back, partner

Frisk nodded as she carefully lead then down to the path to where she parked her car. “Yeah, Mom is doing fine,” she answers. “Got to be the teacher she always wanted to be.” The woman smiled. She had explained that Toriel has made her own school and became a teacher there. It took time for humans to get comfortable of letting both human children and monster kids to be in the same room. Bullying would have happened and the Department of Education having mixed feelings on helping. But with time, the kids were able to make peace and respect for the other. It was shocking hearing kids sneak away from their parents to join in the monster filled school. They were fascinated by them that they wanted to join in to learn and play. Toriel in turn, had to learn some of the new human cultures that may not have gotten through or updated the Underground. To which she studied hard to earn their teacher license. “She mostly teaches for elementary, but has gone to help with higher educations or part of teacher assistance when needed.”

Chara smiled softly. Though their lips weren’t turned up as fully as normal, the expression was truer. It sparkled in their red-brown eyes. The emotion making their throat tight for a moment. They were so.... happy for their Mother. Even if they never saw her again, never called her that again, never deserved to do either of those things. They were happy for her.

“Toriel always wanted to be a teacher. She was good at it. It’s good that they let her. And that the children are getting along. And that... that’s all good.” It was all so good for her. And they... they had almost ruined it. Over and over and over again. They had killed her son. They hadn’t been there. They had gotten the children she loved killed over and over and over. Toriel must hate them.

“She doesn’t still eat snails does she?”

Frisk had seen smiles like that before, the ones that were never truly genuine. And they knew what it meant. But they pretended they didn’t know because it made things easier. it let them pretend this Chara really did care about them. And, after all, their words were true, in one way or another.

“Yeah, I guess… I guess you may be right,” Frisk said softly, eyes still downcast. Even if Chara was right, it didn’t stop their heart from hurting. It wasn’t enough to make Frisk feel okay. But, in time, anything was possible.

“You’re wise, you know that?”

Wisdom seemed useless now. It hadn’t helped them at all considering how long it had taken to get it. How they had killed--

“Thanks. You’ll be ok. I promise.” They reached out to lay a hand on the other person’s. They felt older than they looked. They always had though. As far back as they could remember. Considering what they had dealt with on the surface--

Chara tilted their head to one side, acting their ‘age’ and trying to get a look at the other’s eyes. “Come on. Try to smile. If you smile you’ll feel better. The person you lost wouldn’t want you to be sad.”

“Of course! After all, from what I can tell you seem to be a very nice child.“ Asgore answered. Although, he was a little confused by the fact that they seemed to be surprised that someone liked them. Had humanity really not changed that much since the monster’s had been sealed away?

Chara’s expression fell slightly. The light of happiness dimming in their eyes though the smile didn’t change on their lips. It made the expression more hollowed out and fake. “I... I’m not.” They curled back up as they had been when they first sat down. Hiding their eyes behind hair and pulling their knees to their chest. They were a demon. An evil spirit. An outsider. Not nice at all. Not anything good. A bad omen. A red eyed demon. A burden. A demon....

“Can we... t-talk about... anything but me?”

“Resilient, sure. Self sufficient? Hardly.” He sighed, wringing his fingers together. The more he thought about it, the more concerned he grew. He and Lucifer were the eldest - everyone else was 12 and younger. “…but, I hope you’re right. They’re all a bit rough around the edges, but…they’re good people.”

He chewed his lip, briefly, before returning his hands to his pockets. Panicking would do no one any good. For now, he’d have to focus on the task at hand - finding his brother. “…I hope you’re right. But, no matter what’s going on on the surface, just standing here isn’t going to help me find my brother. I should keep moving.”

Chara nodded their agreement. He should keep moving. Through the Ruins. Past Snowdin. All the way to Asgore. A Soul. They needed 7. 

“Where’s Lucifer most likely to have gone? Is he a scardy cat and we should look in hiding places?” If he was in the open they might have already gotten his Soul. Assuming he fell. It wasn’t always so simple to find the hole to the Underground.

“I want to make sure we find him.”

“Yeah, that seems fair,” Flowey remarked, settling back onto Chara’s shoulder.

“Well, I’ve had a lot of practice,” Flowey chuckled, thinking of timeline where he’d pretended to be a good friend, someone others could trust, only to betray them. To see the look on their face, to hear what they had to say.

But he would never do something like that to Chara, even if he was somewhat curious as to what would happen. Chara was different. They weren’t a toy to play with. They were… his best friend. A part of him.

Chara kept looking out the window, though their voice got hard. A coldness on the edges that seeped into their hollow-eyed smile. “A lot of practice pretending to have a Soul? Or just in general?” The unspoken question hung on the razors edge or their tone; are you pretending to want to be my friend now and if so to what end?

They couldn’t trust him could they? Couldn’t trust anyone. They had gotten the only person they could really trust killed. If there was anything left it was surly gone by now. Flowey was not him. What was the flowers game?

They flinched at the other’s touch, for a moment afraid that it was their timeline’s Papyrus. Papyrus… Would he blame Frisk for Sans’ death?  They hoped not, but they couldn’t be certain.

Luckily, it wasn’t Papyrus tapping on their shoulder, but a child. They looked familiar; they were probably a Chara. They wiped their eyes on their sleeve and turned to Chara.

“H-hey,” they said, their voice hardly above a whimper “I don’t… really feel okay. Someone I was looking too for a very long time… is dead.”

Like they thought. Someone died. People die all the time. It was the hard truth of the world. Chara was only 11 when they stopped aging. When the buttercups took care of that issue. But they had learned after that. Looking for someone meant you were asking for pain. Caring about someone was asking for pain. Whoever this was with person was should probably have known better. They looked old enough. 

With a sigh Chara knelt in front of them, smiling a sweet smile that never reached their eyes. A hollow imitation of compassionate expression.

“You’ll be ok in time. Time changes things. And who knows. There are a lot of...”   versions of the same person if you could find the fissures in the black void     “...people in the world. Maybe you’ll find someone else. If you wait.”

When the world had gone white again, Blush’s expression fell. Frisk had been doing so well, though they’d been hurt so badly, so many times…despite their own urging that the world was truly kill or be killed. That they’d have to fight to survive.

Yet, as they’d been walking through Waterfall, Frisk had lashed out in self defence. The Aaron who had made the mistake of attacking them slowly shattered to dust in front of them, coating the child in the white powder. Their usually blank expression grew horrified, the world turning black around them. Before Blush could speak, their hand slammed on the reset button.

Now, they found themselves hovering above the bed of golden flowers, as they’d done so many times before. Small tears formed in ruby eyes, fear coursing through them. This would never end, would it? They’d start, Frisk would mess up, and it would all start over again. Rinse and repeat.

Blush hid their face in their hands, sobbing now before the human child reappeared before them to fuck up another timeline. To dash the spirit’s hope even further. However…when they looked back up, it wasn’t Frisk’s face they were greeted with. They hiccuped softly, hands lowering to their sides as they studied the figure before them.

“…C…Chara…? Is…i-is that, y-you…?”

Chara had been ready for... nothing. If they were honest at all they had been prepared to be unmade in some way. They didn’t have the Determination to Reset right? That’s why they never could get to the void of blackness on their own. Why they couldn’t Save or Load or do anything. But to wake up. Really wake up. That would have been the last thing the child would have thought of.

The last time they had woken up was just before they’d told Asriel it would work. Really. And then they’d died. And it was all just... nothing. Never waking up because they never slept. Spirits don’t sleep. Living creatures sleep.

Chara took a deep breath. The air tasted, TASTED, of golden flowers and stale air and the cold stone of the Ruins. They weren’t just here. They were alive and here. 

“Blush!” Still panicking about being... alive... Chara reached out to grab Blush’s hands. Their panic fueling their words. Spilling from their lips faster and more frantic than they usually spoke. “Where’s your Frisk? My Frisk wasn’t on the button so I didn’t think it would work. My plans always seem to fail at the last minute. But I’m here so I must have gotten attached to your Frisk instead with you.”