A 7 inch standee that's double sided! :D My Deer God on the front and Fallen Deer on the back ^^
[ID 1: An illustration of a white deer with pink antlers blossoming with flowers and suspending a soft yellow light between them. The deer has an elaborate golden double-halo around its neck and gold markings on its leg and rump. It is stepping out of a patch of trees with blue-green leaves. End ID 1]
[ID 2: The same illustration, but flipped horizontally, with the deer recolored to black and gold, with black antlers blossoming with yellow-green leaves and suspending a half-black, half-gold circle marked with a white geometric shape between them. It is stepping out of a patch of trees with yellow-green leaves.End ID 2]
birds have truly mastered feathers like what do you Mean they can be shiny. how fucking cool is that
glossy ibis
european starling
greater blue eared starling
nicobar pigeon
purple martin
glowing puffleg
violet backed starling
+ special shoutout to rob garren and his purple poultry project. he is breeding his chickens to be very shiny and very purple
Absolutely losing it at this Reddit post
And the update
She buttered Jorts
The outrage summed in a perfect Tweet:
FINALLY
I’ve been collecting the best Jorts tweets and waiting until the moment he showed up on my dash to post them. So here you are, the curated best of the past, oh, day or so:
Some additional quality memes from the past 24 hours:
Meanwhile, OP has continued tracking trash can mishaps on twitter:
And a quality photo of this sweet potato:
An update for those not following Jorts’ twitter account, starting with a transcription of the Wellerman cover:
Link to the lovely video
There once was a ship that put to sea The name of the ship was the Jorts and Jean The ship she rolled and her closet doors closed Oh no, where’s Jorts? Oh no!
Soon may the smarter cat come To save poor Jorts so orange and dumb One day when the butterin’s done We’ll take our leave and go
When Pam came on, she had a plan To teach our Jorts about garbage cans Pam meant well but her plans fell flat When HR said, “don’t butter the cat”
Soon may the smarter cat come To save poor Jorts so orange and dumb One day when the butterin’s done We’ll take our leave and go
Now Jean the smart cat comes She saves poor Jorts so orange and dumb Now that the butterin’s done We’ll take our leave and go
We’ll take our leave and go
We’ll take our leave and go
Additional quality memes:
A recipe for Buttered Jorts:
Recent Jorts activities:
And some very wise words from the cat himself:
This is the largest Jorts post I found before I decided to stop, and combines a lot of memes in one convenient package.
Along with cats, of course. Smartly done!
The person running the Jorts Twitter is using it to promote unions, which is awesome.
FNALLY! All the premium Jorts content in one place!
Many excellent editions to the classic Jorts post <3
Selkie Spring/Summer 2023
WJY IS THIS SO FUCKING FUNNNY
IAMAB IM SCREAMING
growing up as a cis girl the patriarchy told me “you’re a girl because of the way you were born, there is nothing you can do about this, you have no say in your gender” and i hated being a girl because it wasn’t my choice it was a prison and the trans community told me “you’re a girl because you say so, your view of yourself is the most important thing, if you change your mind that would be ok” and it made me proud to be a girl and feel empowered in my gender and i wasn’t trapped anymore and then terfs come along and tell me “you’re a girl because of the way you were born, there is nothing you can do about this, you have no say in your gender (but like in a woke way)” and they somehow expect me to be on their side?
if you respond with some terf shit im blocking you lmao
I’m so happy someone wrote this because I feel the same was as a cis girl. I felt pressured to be feminine and went full nlog because I felt too ugly and fat to be “feminine” and I was in an academic setting where it’s a nono. Then the trans community was so proud of their femininity it made me feel gratitude for being born a woman. Trans youtubers empowered me to buy my first skirts and dresses and I no longer felt “stupid” for doing it. I took another colleague that felt “stupid” for being feminine dress-shopping once and we’ve been friends ever since and she now dresses up all the time and tries to feel cute and feminine and I’m so happy to see her like that. The trans community destigmatized being feminine for cis women more than any girlboss feminism I’ve seen and we owe it to trans women.
A trans woman was the one to make me realize I was a trans man. I’d always thought all girls hated being girls, that being born female was a terrible curse we all just had to endure. And then I met a trans women who was so, so fucking excited to be able to wear skirts and cute tops and makeup at last, after years of fighting for the right to get on HRT. I saw the pure joy she felt as she did a little twirl in a skirt and I realised being female isn’t bad. It’s not bad at all. I’m just not female. And I can experience that joy, too. And then I got my HRT and my voice dropped and I got hairy and I learned what it was to be happy with your gender. It took seeing a joyful trans woman twirling in a skirt for that to happen for me.
Thank you trans women.
I feel like this also might be relevant.
I’m trans but there is a special joy I experience when cis people experience what gender euphoria feels like, how fun it is to adjust your expession even if you identify with the gender you were assigned at birth. Cis people unlocking gender+ is so good because it shows how the trans experience can enrich lives and just… spread joy and happiness <3. Stuff like this makes me happy
And in a great mobius double reacharound in return cis people dressing/expressing themselves by not confirming to gender stereotypes also helps trans people who can’t pass or don’t want to including butch/masc trans lesbians and femme/girly trans men <3
[ID: A screenshot of a twitter thread by @/JoCat105 which reads: “the understanding of “trans people don’t need to ‘pass’ to be considered the gender they are” made me realize that wait a minute if trans people don’t need to pass, cis people don’t either right? and that has helped me explore myself so much without fear of not being a “real” man
i guess what I’m saying is kind of thank you for all the trans folks who encourage being who you are in spite of what society tells you. I know it’s not the same with cis people, but it’s at least helped me feel more comfortable in my own skin. yall are good role models” /End ID]
It makes me deeply sad when cis people put their resentment at their own gender onto trans people who experience euphoria for having the same gender. I love getting to see cis people doing the exact opposite of that. I think everyone benefits from examining their gender and finding what makes them euphoric, from realizing there are no rules and seeing that not as a destruction of their experiences but as an oppurtunity to construct a more healthy self conception. If being a woman doesnt require resenting being a woman, is that not permission to free yourself from the resentment, a freedom to love yourself and your gender with reckless abandon? I hope more cis people can learn this lesson. I know its one I have imparted to people in my life, and benefitted from when I received it.
I cannot begin to express how beneficial it has been to my comfort and happiness in my own gender to know and speak to and see and hear and be in the presence of trans people.
Nobody showed me how to love or enjoy my masculinity until trans men did. I didn’t even know that “enjoying” it was an option! *gestures at gender* You mean this fucking thing is more than just a set of imposed requirements I get to feel bad about failing to live up to? I didn’t realize until later how fucking lonely it had felt to be a man who had been assigned his gender without being taught how to think about it.
I owe a debt of gratitude to trans people, to trans writers, to trans artists and activists, because their experiences helped me finally see myself as a man for more than just the amino acid accidents in my cells.
Trans people and trans thought has helped liberate me from oppression in my own gender, I don’t know a world where I don’t have a moral duty to push for their liberation in kind.
This is honest to god the funniest thing I have ever seen in my entire life
This 1️⃣ goes out to all the horny 💏 couples out there who are thinking 🤔 of getting rowdy 🔞 this 💌Valentines💮 day evening: 👍 👎DO ❌️ NOT👍 👎 If you do your child 🧒 will be born 👏 a ♏SCORPIO♏ Now, why ❓️ don’t ❌️ we like Scorpio's♏? For starters, “Scorpio” has 7️⃣ letters 🔠. 7️⃣ letters 🔠: 7️⃣ deadly ☠️ sins ✝️ 🙅♀ Now, what are the 7️⃣ deadly ☠️ sins? Wrath, Sloth, Gluttony, Envy 👏👏 Envy is associated with the color GREEN 💚 What else is green 💚? Marijuana. Just 1️⃣ more pothead in the world 🗺️. LAME. Now where is pot 🍲 legal? Canada 🇨🇦, Washington, Colorado, Oregon, Alaska, airplane ✈️ bathrooms if the pilot’s 👨✈️ chill. And where can 🥫 planes ✈️ take you? California 🕶. And what’s on California’s state flag 🚩? A BEAR 🐻. Your child 🧒. Is gay 👨❤️👨.
The execution is like slam poetry but the content is clearly a shitpost and that’s def the most powerful combination I’ve encountered in a while
his eyes say it all and it really really makes the video from an 8/10 to a full tenouttaten
Favourite Designs: Chotronette ‘Black Armour’ Gown
Kookaburra sits IN THE GODDAMN WAY
on the moving window he will play
Leave, Kookaburra leave, Kookaburra causing a delay
nothing has fucked me up more than knowing the australian white ibis has a near-identical sister species called the african sacred ibis. the african sacred ibis is associated with thoth, ancient god of wisdom and reason. the australian white ibis is most commonly referred to as a “bin chicken”.
The weirdest guy I ever met in a church was this boy who referred to “Buzz Aldrin and his husband” going to the moon. I was completely baffled, and when I asked if he’d misspoken, he got really angry and accused me of being deliberately ignorant of the facts. It turned out that he was somehow comvinced that Buzz Aldrin and Neil Armstrong were married. It took five Wikipedia articles to convince him otherwise.
The moon landing was fake: tired, passé, heard it before
The moon landing was an elaborate marriage proposal: fresh! sexy! I’m going to be thinking about this for months!
Romcom where two dudes in the 1960s fall in love and come up with an elaborate plan to become astronauts to get married in space because gay marriage is illegal everywhere but it can’t be illegal on the moon
Might make things a little awkward for Mike Collins.
He was the officiator
This is an excellent take. He officiated in orbit, and the landing was their Honey Moon.
Oh my god they were moon mates.
Hey students, here’s a pro tip: do not write an email to your prof while you’re seriously sick.
Signed, a person who somehow came up with “dear hello, I am sick and not sure if I’ll be alive to come tomorrow and I’m sorry, best slutantions, [name]”.
I mean, if someone wrote that to me, I’d probably believe they were sick.
“Slutantions” has me crying laughing
i once emailed my professor with a migraine. a mistake.
“I amsick will not to choir because i have a heache. i Hope its very and i am so sorry
love,
blue”
the subject line was “OW”
THE SUBJECT LINE IS THE BEST PART JSJFJSJDJS JUST IMAGINE GETTING AN EMAIL WITH NO CONTEXT OTHER THAN “OW”
As someone who has taught college, please send those emails because 1) We WILL believe that; no one would write that on purpose and 2) we need a laugh sometimes.
On the other side of this, once after getting taken to the ER by ambulance, I got an email from the professor whose class I’d passed out in, and the message had no text, just the subject line “you good?”
Reblogging for the last addition
Claritin makes me weird, but I have allergies so there’s about a month and a half block of time where I’m taking Claritin and am just weird most of the time.
Anyway, my last year of college, I got the flu or something in late March and was also taking Mucinex. I told my professor I couldn’t come to class one day by email except I couldnt think of what to say, so my medicated ass decided to make a Fry meme. I think it said something like “Not sure if I can go to class with a head the size of Texas, bottom text.” I didn’t think until the next day that it probably wasn’t socially-acceptable to tell your philosophy professor you weren’t coming to class via Tumblr style memes. When i got back to class, i found that she’d printed it out and taped it to the classroom bulletin board.
Oh shit you guys i turned on my WinXP laptop that I used to use back then.
IT WAS ON THE DESKTOP. THIS IS WHAT I SENT.
It’s even worse than i remember it
I laugh myself hoarse every time this post comes around, so here it is again.
"Though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death."
[Video description. A tiktok from BDylanHollis. "A Pinto Bean Cake from '55! I don't even know what to say about this one. We start by draining TWO Twenty-Seven ounce cans of Pinto Beans"
He uses a can opener and mutter to himself, "Though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death.- He screams dramatically as he strains the water out of the beans and pours them into a mixing bowl.
"Now we put one and a half cups of Peanuts through a Grind-O-Mat." "Where did the Peanuts come from?!" He pulls out a food processor. "What's a Grind-O-Mat?!" He pours peanuts into the processor. "Are you Alright!?" He grinds the peanuts and shakes his head as it runs.
"Put the Beans in the Grind-O-Mat. This is not uh, how can I say it, right?" He makes a disgusted sound as he blends the beans and nuts together. A spatula pulls out the thick mixture and he cries, "Oh no!"
He scoops the mixture into a mixing bowl and speaks in Spanish - "¡Ay Señor! Pesadilla total en la cocina” (“Oh man! Total nightmare in the kitchen!”)
"Three Quarters of a Cup of HONEY" He shouts, "To this baby food funeral looking re-friend funeral??! How did you come up with these ingredients?! Did you just throw a grenade down isle six?"
"Five Egg-ies. Now the chickens are implicated." He looks at the runny mixture. "What is this!!"
Reading from the instructions. "Make sure to clean your Grind-O-Mat." He shouts, "I'm not concerned about your precious Grind-O-Mat!"
"Lastly we have half a cup of Melted Butter, and two teaspoons of Floof Powder. Yea good luck with that. Only thing This is going to rise up from is the Dead"
He pours the mixture into a cake pan and shouts in German - "Katastrophe der bohnen!!" (Catastrophe of the beans!)
"Forty-Five minutes at Three-Seventy-Five." He pulls out the cake and it's risen. "WhaaAt!" He cuts a slice out of it. "It's a cake!" "HOW?!" He takes a bite and laughs in confused delight. "You have NO RIGHT!" "Soft, dense, rich." "NO!" "This is phenomenal." /end]