Sometimes reading Arthuriana feels like reading Alice in Wonderland.
“Well,” said Alice, “these are a dreadfully strange assortment of objects!”
“They all symbolize different aspects of Our Lord’s martyrdom,” said the Fisher King, casting a line into his teacup.
“Indeed. I am sure everything symbolizes something else, for if everything was only itself I should be very confused. Might I ask what the point of the bleeding lance is?”
Alice regretted asking the question as soon as she had done so, for she saw the pun that would likely be made about the word point. Instead, however, the room erupted in applause and shouts of “The Grail! She has achieved the Grail!”
The next castle she visited, Alice resolved to herself as the inhabitants of this one danced for joy, would be more sensible.
Or I could do this with The Knight of the Cart.
“Which shall you choose?” asked the guardian. “The underwater bridge or the sword bridge?”
“Both sound dreadful,” said Alice. “I think I’ll just float the cart across.”
The guardian sputtered so hard his helmet broke.
“You cannot ride in a cart to rescue a queen!”
“I don’t see why not,” said Alice, growing cross. “It can’t be worse than abducting a queen.”
“Oh, much worse! For to abduct a Queen is wicked but heard of, while to save he on a cart is virtuous and unheard of.”
“Oh, tosh!” said Alice, floating the cart.
“If you cut my head off,” said the Green Knight, “then in a year and a day, I shall cut off yours.”
“Certainly not!” said Alice. “For if you can survive such a blow, it would be quite unfair to me, and if you cannot, then I will have killed a man over a silly game!”
“Silly games are the most important thing in the world,” said the Green Knight, “for it is after them that we judge honor.”
Alice thought to herself that if this was honor, adults could keep it.
In honor of a thing that keeps popping up in Arthurian novels I read…
“You have nothing to fear,” said the robber knight, “for you are traveling alone. Everyone knows a knight may not attack a maiden alone, but only a maiden traveling with a knightly protector!”
“That can’t possibly be a law,” said Alice. “Camelot is absurd, but not that absurd.”
“It is not a law, but a custom.” The robber knight sounded as if he were lecturing a fool, which Alice felt was very unfair of him. “Customs are far more important than laws, for laws may change, but customs never do.”
Alice didn’t think that was true, but she would not argue the point.
“What about attacking a knight?” she asked. “Can someone attack a lone knight, or only a knight traveling with a maiden?”
“One may attack a knight any time and under any circumstance. That is the meaning of the word ‘knight’- he can be attacked by day or by knight!”
With the understanding that, as a maiden traveling alone, she might attack the knight and he could not return the attack, Alice picked up a handful of rocks from the ground and began to throw them at him. She was not generally an unruly child, but everyone has their limits.
