And I just got confirmation from a second ex-colleague that a deal with midjourney has been brewing since months ago. Not any extra details, just that's a real thing.

Shit, I don't see any way for this to happen that doesn't make it an apocalyptic event the size of the porn ban. Fuck.

Shit. This may be pure chance and coincidence, and it's not he is in a position to be able to talk about anything, but seeing prominent staff members announcing they are moving their original photography out of tumblr just two weeks ago seems a pretty significant cue of shit to be about to hit the fan.

Just tested. It’s possible to swap out pictures on already-published posts. So in that case, a solution:

Nightshade your photo posts now.

Even if you don’t post your own art anymore, go back to your old stuff and watermark it.

Do it ASAP, before the deal goes through and the scraping begins.

This will not only protect your art, but has the opportunity to fuck over this deal on a pretty large scale. The more of these posts that are glazed or poisoned, the less valuable this deal becomes for tumblr and midjourney.

Share this with everyone. And i do mean everyone.

Minor panic attack over someone saying that Michael Sheen is gross because of the age gap between him and his partner and therefore Good Omens is gross.

Like, I get it. Hollywood has a problem with older men dating younger women. It should be addressed and stopped. But just because one piece is dirty doesn’t mean the machine is broken. Right? Or am I bending over backwards because I genuinely like Michael Sheen (and obviously Good Omens)? He’s more than who he dates, just like everyone in a relationship, but does that cancel out the problem or highlight it? I don’t know. I know it’s bad when society says men over forty can date women in their twenties because women older than that are Bad, but it seems like he genuinely at least likes her (I cannot believe I’m blanking on her name, I KNOW I’ve seen it multiple times but it hasn’t stuck yet and I’m guilty over that too) and that’s important right? That he loves her? Or is it all null because of their ages? I don’t know.

This is the shit that scares me because there’s so much MORE to it, there’s society and expectations and philosophies and morals and ethics and What Should Be and What Should Not Be, and I know some people like the bigger picture and like talking about it but the bigger picture terrifies me because it IS so big. Every node in the web of What Is is integral to the web itself. We have to be careful which ones are too problematic to be allowed unthinking adoration.

Anyway yeah. Someone says Michael Sheen is gross and I jump into a tangent about how there’s too many shades of grey for me to handle. And thus, anxiety.

oh btw it turns out I have OCD. 👍 Discuss ALL your symptoms with your doctor, kids! Prevent the next subtype before it chews you up for multiple years!

as a disabled person, I find it very lovely that the disabled angel is defined by how much gd loves them. not because I'm religious, but because it amuses me to know that there are a bunch of Protestants being mad that their whole "God only loves you if you're useful" shtick is so thoroughly rejected in such a popular show revolving around angels and demons.

Liz Carr as Saraqael is very very powerful and I am grateful for her <3

In case people weren’t aware, there seems to have been a massive issue throughout Patreon. People have had their subscriptions cancelled and many had their payments flagged as fraud with their bank. 150$ of my patronage disappeared, that’s 150$ a month as a disabled artist that took months to build that I’m unsure I’ll ever get back..Gone. It won’t allow me to message anyone whose payments were declined.I also had around 10 people’s payments flagged as fraud, some have had to re-patron. If you’re supporting Patreon creators I advise you look to see if at least the people you remember supporting are still there / that your payments aren’t marked as fraud, especially if you’re supporting for physical rewards you’re expecting. 

if you’re supporting folks on patreon, please take a peek & try to re-pledge if you can! this comes as a surprise to many who cannot afford to be surprised. thanks so much!

Check on your creators, see if you still have access to the comics you want to see!

Reblogging another notice about this - I was somewhat impacted but some friends have lost a huge portion of their income; if you support artists on Patreon please check to make sure you’re still subscribed!

I’ve lost a chunk of supporters on my Patreon this month because of this, and I know there are others who got hit much harder. As mentioned above there’s no way for us to contact people whose payments were declined, so it’s a good time to check to see if you’re still subscribed to the artists you support. A lot of us depend on those subscriptions to live!

In case people weren’t aware, there seems to have been a massive issue throughout Patreon. People have had their subscriptions cancelled and many had their payments flagged as fraud with their bank. 150$ of my patronage disappeared, that’s 150$ a month as a disabled artist that took months to build that I’m unsure I’ll ever get back..Gone. It won’t allow me to message anyone whose payments were declined.I also had around 10 people’s payments flagged as fraud, some have had to re-patron. If you’re supporting Patreon creators I advise you look to see if at least the people you remember supporting are still there / that your payments aren’t marked as fraud, especially if you’re supporting for physical rewards you’re expecting. 

if you’re supporting folks on patreon, please take a peek & try to re-pledge if you can! this comes as a surprise to many who cannot afford to be surprised. thanks so much!

Check on your creators, see if you still have access to the comics you want to see!

Reblogging another notice about this - I was somewhat impacted but some friends have lost a huge portion of their income; if you support artists on Patreon please check to make sure you’re still subscribed!

I’ve lost a chunk of supporters on my Patreon this month because of this, and I know there are others who got hit much harder. As mentioned above there’s no way for us to contact people whose payments were declined, so it’s a good time to check to see if you’re still subscribed to the artists you support. A lot of us depend on those subscriptions to live!

Can I get some more art acknowledging Aziraphale’s trauma because like yes Crowley’s should be acknowledged but Aziraphale is suffering from anxiety and the abuse of the other angels and the Rules and I just

please!!!!! show!!!!! Aziraphale recovering!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Do I have to do all the crying around here

Anyway Aziraphale was abused and has anxiety and I need to wrap him in a blanket and get him some cocoa.

Yes! Aziraphale’s huge issue is that he believes losing faith in Heaven is the same thing as losing faith in God. I believe Aziraphale never loses faith in God– that’s why he never Falls despite lying and defying Heaven and so on. 

But when Metatron tells him the point is to win the war, not prevent it, I think that’s the point when Aziraphale finally starts to separate Heaven from God in his mind– realizing that he can oppose Heaven and still keep faith with God.

What I love most about his big “Is that the ineffable plan” rules-lawyering moment is that Aziraphale weaponizes his own anxiety against Heaven and Hell. From the Garden on, Aziraphale worries that he’s not doing the right thing. He secretly thinks there must be something wrong with him because the other angels seem so certain what’s right, and he’s not. At last he realizes that they don’t know either– but they’ve been pretending they know God’s will and using that feigned confidence to do what they want.

Aziraphale forces Heaven to admit that they don’t know any more than he does– he finally understands that his anxiety and feelings of inadequacy have been an illusion caused by their lies. He turns it around on them and forces them to experience the kind of self-doubt that their hypocrisy imposed on him for 6,000 years. No wonder they try to execute him later.

This! This is the thing I’ve been saying!!! Aaaaaahhh! I’ve been reading good omens fic for over a decade or more now and everybody writes about Crowley’s trauma, and now we’ve got the series and have even more information about aziraphale and everybody wants to explore Crowley’s trauma.

And I LOVE and adore Crowley , don’t get me wrong, ive has fan art of book!crowley stuck up in the greenhouse for years now, but what is happening is lots and lots of fic exploring Crowley’s trauma with Aziraphale having to put himself in *another* box to be there for Crowley so crowley can process.

And he wants to be there! Totally! But maybe I’m missing the fic or the comics or something? There are these HUGE hanging issues for Aziraphale. And within the series, he hasn’t actually processed any of it! There is so much massive potential there! And even in the kinkmemes when someone is asking for aziraphale hurt/comfort, he ends up having to be the one comforting Crowley and I am starting to tear my hair out because let the angel process is trauma!

That quote @aziraphaleisagender about how no one cares about him and he knows it is so freaking depressing and so true!

I actually wonder if there’s a reason people aren’t really drawn to write it if there really is a lack of that sort of fic. Like is Crowley’s pain more attractive? (Aestheticly or narratively)Is it people think Aziraphale is an angel so he should be able to deal? Is it because he can be a prick to crowley?

I binge-read about 2050385 Gomens fanfics since May when it jumped out of it’s small fandom niche and basically replaced Sherlock in popularity. But I can count on my fingers anything that has someone- anyone- comforting him, it is 99% Crowley in the hurt and Aziraphale or someone providing the comfort.

Like why is his trauma not valid????

Reblogging this again because I just went and looked and holy cow, it really is hard to find fic where aziraphale is the one being comforted rather than Crowley. Someone made a collection on AO3 called hurt aziraphale and I’m going to look through those.

The fandom h/c thing for Crowley it s starting to remind me of the one sided H/C slants for Draco, Snape, Spike from Buffy, Erik (magneto) Sherlock, Bucky, Loki etc where the sexy coded character (like I can’t see book!snape as sexy but I mean Alan rickman) is lusted over by everyone, attacked, raped, captured, tortured, enslaved etc. drugged sometimes to the point it kinda reads like torture/ rape porn with stockholmey elements. And after they are rescued and in recovery, other characters are still lusting over them and triggering them.

and then a sort of plainer or not so attractively described character or the ‘good’ one most the time ends up the one doing all the comforting. And that character always has to be 100% perfectly focused on the hurt one, is always apologizing for not being able to handle the trauma, isn’t allowed to be upset about anything in their own past, has to be able to actually read the hurt persons mind to know all the triggers or ends up apologizing for paragraphs (um like literally for some characters - okay Charles Xavier). They aren’t allowed to recieve any comfort from anyone, but the comforted person will show them affection sporadically in between attacking them for caring- that the carer must also shrug off and stay dedicated.

I don’t know why fandom gravitates that way, but I’ve seen it forever. I’m kind of over it, but it’s sooooooo popular. Any fandom, at least two or three of the top fics in the most popular airing will be a H/C with rape (I’m not a fan of the words non/con cause it feels like a weird euphemism for rape) torture, slavery, forced addiction, torture device attached— and it’ll always be the character fandom has deemed as the sexy one or with a conventionally attractive actor, or the one meant to be the rakish character. It’s never the plain one/ the good one. Kirk / Spock is one of the pairings I’ve seen it go both ways- but maybe cuz it’s been around so long? But so is Victorian Sherlock Holmes and that tends to be one sided. Who knows!

That was like a quarter of a century’s worth of ranting there.

I’ve been having so many thoughts about this lately because I’ve been working on a zine fic that focuses on Aziraphale recovering from abuse and Crowley helping him through it, and it’s incredibly upsetting why there aren’t more fics like that, as if we just expect Aziraphale to move past all that shit he went through immediately after the apocalypse :(

Not to mention that, personally, I’m tired of narratives that have Crowley portrayed as good for nothing other than being a pretty looking mess who needs to be taken care of by Aziraphale.

The collection is mine, you can find it here: Hurt Aziraphale You will also find stories there where Crowley is hurt too because at this point I also content myself with morsels and if at least a part of the story is focused on Aziraphale’s trauma, I add it to the collection.

I especially recommend stories by BuggreAlleThis (@aziraphalelookedwretched​ ) and @hotcrosspigeon‘s series Hurt!Aziraphale stories (some are unfinished though). I’ve also written a few stories about Aziraphale’s trauma and you just inpired me to put them into a series, so here they are: Aziraphale hurt/comfort :)

I also have written a number of Hurt Aziraphale stories, which I just realized on trying to link to them that they are inconsistently tagged. Going to make my list below, and later try to gather them into either a collection or a series or something. Here’s twenty-something times either Aziraphale gets comforted, or the comfort is mutual, or I look at Aziraphale’s trauma or anything along those lines. Every fic is completed.

Also, for fun, here’s Sawdust of Words in its entirety, my (WIP) series that explores both Aziraphale and Crowley’s trauma and recovery across 6000+ years. Hasn’t updated in a year but I’ve got one more with a beta reader right now and another I’m working on.

As for why we focus on Crowley’s pain - I think the “he suffers beautifully” aspect of it is definitely there; and I think physical pain suits him better, and is easier to h/c - having done several different psychological trauma variants, that stuff is hard. So it might be a path of least resistance thing. And I think we can’t rule out the fact that people like seeing the quiet fussy angel go BAMF. There is something thrilling about Aziraphale rescuing Crowley with sword blazing, or yeeting Gabriel through a wall for insulting his demon.

And there is recovery in that. Aziraphale has been so crushed down for so long that having him take the initiative to do the rescue, having him stand up to his bosses in defense of his demon, having him put aside his doubts long enough to give Crowley the cuddles he needs – yeah, these are all ways of acknowledging and dealing with his trauma, too!

I think it’s easy for us to have Crowley be the “he’s hurt needs a cuddle” (because he presents as so tough) and Aziraphale be the “he’s hurt needs to let loose” (because he’s blatantly so repressed). And we forget that it also goes the other way – that Crowley needs to let loose from the personas he wears for protection, and that Aziraphale needs a goddamn hug once in a while!

(Side note regarding Sawdust of Words: I’m somehow eleven stories in and no one has gotten a big goddamn comfort hug? Believe me that is being fixed immediately.)

And finally, I think we need to consider that Aziraphale’s emotional trauma is, if not entirely unique, definitely a sort of specific and personalized pain, whereas the kind of physical pain heaped on Crowley is a lot more generic. For better or worse, fandom is trope-y as hell, and there are a lot more generic pain tropes (including yes torture and rape) where you can easily slot it Crowley’s character; but to really get into Aziraphale’s basically-raised-in-an-abusive-cult-and-needs-to-learn-to-trust thing? You’re relying a lot less on classic fandom tropes and a lot more on your own understanding of these issues. And I think there’s plenty of people willing to explore that, but it’s a much smaller set of writers.

Still. We are out there. :)

Keep reading

I was going to say.. I’ve noticed more meta here that explores Aziraphale’s trauma in detail, far more so than Crowley’s. This issue is well recognized and discussed in the fandom, not least because it’s far more relatable to many of the users on here - not necessarily the cult aspect, but emotional abuse and how it follows you forever? Yeah, most of us feel that lol. Whereas relatively few of us have been in Crowley’s snakeskin shoes.

Perhaps there’s not a whole lot of overlap between the majority of fans who write fanfic and the writers who delve into meta here on Tumblr. Tbh even the Crowley whump normally seen in fanfic is relatively limited - it doesn’t focus on the long-term effects of living in constant fear, like hypervigilance or touch aversion (I mean, for smut reasons there’s usually not a lot of that, lol). It’s more focused on injury and immediate aftermath.

And honestly like, there’s nothing wrong with that. Fandom should make you happy, and fanfic should be written for the author’s pleasure. As tiring as the trope-yness might be, it’s not an actual bad thing to be criticized. Just frustrating if it’s not what you’re looking for.

The only solution I’ve got is… if you’re writing inclined, and it’s the subject that interests you, maybe write fic for it. Hopefully that’ll inspire more. Aethelflaed here’s already done that, and so have several other people I follow. Might never outnumber the tropey whump fic, but y’all could definitely collectively produce enough for hours of browsing.

(Also keep in mind, the very fact that Az’s trauma IS more relatable might actually steer some people away from writing about it. While some folks find release in writing about the things that have hurt them, many others use fic as an escape and try not to touch on issues that are gonna cut too deep. Disappointment from family members inflicting personal feelings of low self-worth that never quite let you go… that’s a sickeningly common experience and not one everybody wants to write about it. It’s easier and safer to stick to the fantasyland of beating up pretty characters, so that may be what a lot of people do, on purpose. Without knowing what’s going on in a writer’s head, it’s best not to judge.)

I think this:

Is super important. I think the audiences overlap but meta writers are not necessarily Whump writers.

(And speaking of meta — was it @wanna-b-poet31 who wrote all those excellent metas on both Aziraphale and Crowley’s abuse and recovery?)

The one thing that can get a little frustrating with a fandom structured between Tumblr, Instagram and AO3 is how unorganized it can be. There could be a massive IG community on Aziraphale Trauma and Comfort art and I would have no idea. Who knows how many Good Omens Tumblr fans are missing this set of posts because they and their mutuals are too many degrees of separation from us, but have their own thoughts they would want to chime in with?

Anyway, not sure what the solution is apart from as @krakensdottir says — if you are so inclined create the fic/meta/art you crave. Possibly create a Discord or similar location where fellow fans can gather and discuss. Throw out the “Aziraphale Trauma Discussion” signal and I will try to make my way there! 😆

(Also to clarify my comments above: it is NOT a bad thing that some topics are tropier or some writers take more trope-laden routes. It’s definitely a consideration — some readers/writers prefer heavier trope concentration some don’t — and I’d say on the whole fandom leans towards MORE TROPE. Enjoy what you enjoy, tho, there’s room in this fandom for everyone!)

This is where Tumblr makes me want to pull my hair out because I *miss* discussion. Maybe I need to join a discord that doesn’t depend on hearing. Anyhoo-

@krakensdottir you make a good point about writers just wanted to go with the formulaic trope or just wanting to try their own hand with a fandom staple. I was thinking about what you said here: “beating up pretty characters”- because that was sort of the trope I had in mind when I was saying that I was only seeing hurt/comfort with Aziraphale having to pack his pain away to comfort Crowley because his suffering was more attractive to write. I wonder why that is- not just crowley, across all fandoms. I skimmed through good omens under the kudos sorting, more the first few pages of fics, it’s mostly Crowley getting the brunt of it and also getting most the comfort. And the pattern in some of the other fandoms I follow was interesting- it, like Cherik Merlin LOTR hobbit cinematic- verse marvel thinks like sticky and Loki Gen and pairing -I checked a few more I am blanking on- it’s the character written as a tortured soul or ambiguous allegiance or morally grey character, or the character of an actor with a cult following.

And @aethelflaedladyofmercia the spread of fandom is a HUGE thing that maybe I haven’t taken into consideration. There’s a lot of things in good omens fandom alone where groups of people have decided Headcanon x is basically canon and assumes everyone acknowledges this in fic, except another group on a different social media space has never heard of that and embraced a different thing they assume everyone *must* know. Thank you for taking time to make the recs listed and to others that did.

Also @aziraphaleisagender I’m glad you brought this whole thing up because it’s drawn out some interesting stuff from people.

@quaidpoppinjack I haven’t used this blog in years, but now that I’ve checked the notes on this post I’m shocked that people have brought up this topic again. I agree with you, the majority of h/c fic I’ve found has the same pattern (Cherik is a WILD fandom when it comes to “who deserves more comfort”), and that’s why I made this post 2-3 years ago. Because I was tired and cranky and every time I saw a headcanon or ficlet that centered Aziraphale’s pain, someone other than the OP would swoop in and say “yeah but Crowley is in pain too!!!”

Like. We know. That’s not the issue.

Anyway, thank you for finding this discussion interesting, you’re a peach <3

Most of my long works are some form of mutual hurt comfort, where they’re unpacking what’s happened.  While Crowley definitely has bad times, i generally treat him as a bit more resilient. He’s had a long time to deal with his issues and mostly knows them.

Aziraphale I generally treat as the one more in need of comfort because he’s got fewer coping skills. You don’t have to deal with your negative feelings if you never admit you HAVE them.  Effectively he’s trying to unravel a life of toxic positivity and identity issues. If you spent so much time trying to conform and now you’re left that group, who are you?

Holloways is the long series where they deal with that. And also an enormous amount of introspection on their place in universe. No real physical trauma, but a lot of little things that remind them of past wounds that they now finally feel safe to deal with. Like going ring shopping to get married should be fun, but Aziraphale needs to deal with what thee ring he already wears means.

A short one I have is “All the Little Comforts” which is basically Emotional Exhaustion/Comfort for Aziraphale.

A Bit Snug has then share Crowley’s corporation through Armageddon and trying NOT to share their trauma. Then having to deal with trial separately, but getting to heal from them separately. End chapter of that is focused heavily on Aziraphale healing from the trial and Crowley’s past experience with similar helping him through that.

@ouidamforeman as OP I am claiming the right to reblog with your tags because I Love Them

LISTEN LISTEN I NEED TO TALK ABOUT THIS BECAUSE IT INTERESTS ME SO MUCH so like…..Good Omens is very interesting because as an actual work of fiction it straddles a weird line between like fandom-y and not as conducive to fandom and something that pisses me off sometimes is that some of the really good bits of canon are glossed over or not discussed by fandom because they’re not really things that are easy to Fandom about and weirdly significant chunks of Aziraphale and Crowley’s characters are one of those things especially this Aziraphale’s Issues thing and the torturing Crowley thing fandom at large tends to latch onto characters who can be shipped together and whumped on and not as much on aspects of characters that are negative or complicated to write about and for better or worse A&C are all of those things lmao and like ppl were saying above one of Crowley’s issues is that he’s hurt physically and that’s easier to write about and conceptualize plus ppl seem to interpret him as ‘the sexy one’ or something and physically torturing the pretty character is a Thing whereas Aziraphale’s character issues aren’t physical and a huge part of his struggle is ideological which is just more complicated to understand and less conventionally sexy to write about I guess but what makes me sad is that their arcs about physical and mental trauma mirror each other and go together and they’re really well suited to help each other with their issues so when there’s this one-sided thing going on in the majority of content it makes me sad also everyone read the book. neither of them is the sexy one in that they’re just stupid and sad lmao it’s more obvious in the book that Crowley is actually the more well-adjusted one like he has the fear and his weird fake performance to deal with the external threat he’s under and he’s obviously terrified of hell bc they hurt him but he’s pretty ok with who he is and how the world works? meanwhile in the course of the story Aziraphale has his worldview torn down and his cognitive dissonance ripped through one of his Things is just that he seems really chill when he isn’t like yeah Aziraphale makes Crowley feel safe and can protect him that’s v v good but I also care very much about Crowley being a mental safe space for Aziraphale Aziraphale is safe to come out of his shitty ideas and emotional trauma with Crowley! I want to read about THAT go meta

This is the meta thread I have been looking for everywhere.

How is it like to be a prophet, OP and company on what might happen if aziraphale goes bopping along without addressing his trauma by this year of our lord 2023

to quote Julia Drawfee: Honestly, feels pretty bad, man. But also it’s kinda fun.

Good Evening! Here is my interpretation of Gabriel's arrival in Soho. I customised the minifigure by painting his eyes violet, and the blanket was only stripey when I started. Thin strips of tape and more violet paint hopefully make it look like tartan. I was lucky to find lots of different skin tones for the crowd in Lego pick-a-brick, (from the table football set, but I didn't have to buy the whole set!)

It was fun to find all the best unhappy faces I had

There are a few days left on my poll to see who I will make next. Please reblog

✨Froggy Piccrew time 🐸✨

g

I was tagged by the sweet @vintagelacerosette to partake in this froggy picrew Piccrew here I love it so thank you!

my exact reaction to seeing that it was a frog picrew was *gasp* “I wanna be a frog! Oh! I get to be a frog!”

I’m gonna tag

@aziraphaleisagender  @5ftjewishcactus  @gallavichthings  @klara-v-klyare @flamingbluepanda @xninetiestrendx @oneguardian15 @ineffablefool @iansfreckles  @sickness-health-all-that-shit @witchboywitchboywitchboy​

I am a dumb lil dumpling and I just want to love u

give a neurodivergent diabetic some money, feel good knowing that it will be used for the sole purpose of getting food that isn’t rice crackers: paypal.me/EricDaphne

(the only food in this house that feels Safe is the rice crackers and that ain’t healthy when I need a well-rounded meal so I don’t collapse)

Oh I had a most splendid idea

Since I have finished the first chapter of my book, and edited as best I can, I am prepared to share the first ~7k words with whoever would like to see what, exactly, I’m working on.

The first chapter in full will be posted on my patreon for the $15 and $20 tiers next month, but that’s too long a wait for me. So! If anyone wishes to get a sneak peek of the Very Beginning, please Paypal me $10 and leave a note for how you would like the receive the link to the google doc!

I also realized I should explain it. This will be a three-part novel (aiming for 15k+ per part/chapter) about two women: a weather-witch who was raised on an airbase and is legally a courier, but is also trained as a smuggler, a spy, and a warrior; and a wanderer Star, who decided to visit earth and was subsequently captured by greedy, frightened humans. The novel is from the pov of the Star, as she searches for personal revenge, and slowly begins to realize that she cares deeply for, and wants to protect, most of humanity–and especially a certain gun-slinging smuggler…

Oh, did I mention this is a sci-fi story set in a world with floating cities, questionable science, Tender Lesbian Yearning, a pacifist old man committing cold-blooded murder in the name of his daughters, a happy gay ending, and a talking pigeon?

Oh I had a most splendid idea

Since I have finished the first chapter of my book, and edited as best I can, I am prepared to share the first ~7k words with whoever would like to see what, exactly, I’m working on.

The first chapter in full will be posted on my patreon for the $15 and $20 tiers next month, but that’s too long a wait for me. So! If anyone wishes to get a sneak peek of the Very Beginning, please Paypal me $10 and leave a note for how you would like the receive the link to the google doc!

I also realized I should explain it. This will be a three-part novel (aiming for 15k+ per part/chapter) about two women: a weather-witch who was raised on an airbase and is legally a courier, but is also trained as a smuggler, a spy, and a warrior; and a wanderer Star, who decided to visit earth and was subsequently captured by greedy, frightened humans. The novel is from the pov of the Star, as she searches for personal revenge, and slowly begins to realize that she cares deeply for, and wants to protect, most of humanity–and especially a certain gun-slinging smuggler…

Oh, did I mention this is a sci-fi story set in a world with floating cities, questionable science, Tender Lesbian Yearning, a pacifist old man committing cold-blooded murder in the name of his daughters, a happy gay ending, and a talking pigeon?

I have been having a Very Awful Month as you may have gathered, so I am sharing the link to my gofundme.

My goal is $425, in order to purchase myself a trike. So far, I’ve received $182. I’m trying to get a trike specifically, because it will be better for my health, both mentally and physically, than a bicycle. I would like to finish this up before the end of August, so that I can get said trike in time for autumn, and prime biking weather.

(Also I have discovered that I really, really miss walking/riding through the woods. The idea of riding a trike on the bike paths through the various woodlands around here makes me so excited and happy.)

If you could reblog this post or share this link, I’d be grateful. <3 Have a good day, y’all.

Okay so I was talked out of my guilt spiral so I’m rewriting this.

The ko-fi goal wasn’t doing well, so I removed it and instead I’ve made a GoFundMe. If you could share this post/link, I’d be grateful. Thank you.

hello hello I am feeling better now

Can I get some more art acknowledging Aziraphale’s trauma because like yes Crowley’s should be acknowledged but Aziraphale is suffering from anxiety and the abuse of the other angels and the Rules and I just

please!!!!! show!!!!! Aziraphale recovering!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Do I have to do all the crying around here

Anyway Aziraphale was abused and has anxiety and I need to wrap him in a blanket and get him some cocoa.

Yes! Aziraphale’s huge issue is that he believes losing faith in Heaven is the same thing as losing faith in God. I believe Aziraphale never loses faith in God– that’s why he never Falls despite lying and defying Heaven and so on. 

But when Metatron tells him the point is to win the war, not prevent it, I think that’s the point when Aziraphale finally starts to separate Heaven from God in his mind– realizing that he can oppose Heaven and still keep faith with God.

What I love most about his big “Is that the ineffable plan” rules-lawyering moment is that Aziraphale weaponizes his own anxiety against Heaven and Hell. From the Garden on, Aziraphale worries that he’s not doing the right thing. He secretly thinks there must be something wrong with him because the other angels seem so certain what’s right, and he’s not. At last he realizes that they don’t know either– but they’ve been pretending they know God’s will and using that feigned confidence to do what they want.

Aziraphale forces Heaven to admit that they don’t know any more than he does– he finally understands that his anxiety and feelings of inadequacy have been an illusion caused by their lies. He turns it around on them and forces them to experience the kind of self-doubt that their hypocrisy imposed on him for 6,000 years. No wonder they try to execute him later.

This! This is the thing I’ve been saying!!! Aaaaaahhh! I’ve been reading good omens fic for over a decade or more now and everybody writes about Crowley’s trauma, and now we’ve got the series and have even more information about aziraphale and everybody wants to explore Crowley’s trauma.

And I LOVE and adore Crowley , don’t get me wrong, ive has fan art of book!crowley stuck up in the greenhouse for years now, but what is happening is lots and lots of fic exploring Crowley’s trauma with Aziraphale having to put himself in *another* box to be there for Crowley so crowley can process.

And he wants to be there! Totally! But maybe I’m missing the fic or the comics or something? There are these HUGE hanging issues for Aziraphale. And within the series, he hasn’t actually processed any of it! There is so much massive potential there! And even in the kinkmemes when someone is asking for aziraphale hurt/comfort, he ends up having to be the one comforting Crowley and I am starting to tear my hair out because let the angel process is trauma!

That quote @aziraphaleisagender about how no one cares about him and he knows it is so freaking depressing and so true!

I actually wonder if there’s a reason people aren’t really drawn to write it if there really is a lack of that sort of fic. Like is Crowley’s pain more attractive? (Aestheticly or narratively)Is it people think Aziraphale is an angel so he should be able to deal? Is it because he can be a prick to crowley?

I binge-read about 2050385 Gomens fanfics since May when it jumped out of it’s small fandom niche and basically replaced Sherlock in popularity. But I can count on my fingers anything that has someone- anyone- comforting him, it is 99% Crowley in the hurt and Aziraphale or someone providing the comfort.

Like why is his trauma not valid????

Reblogging this again because I just went and looked and holy cow, it really is hard to find fic where aziraphale is the one being comforted rather than Crowley. Someone made a collection on AO3 called hurt aziraphale and I’m going to look through those.

The fandom h/c thing for Crowley it s starting to remind me of the one sided H/C slants for Draco, Snape, Spike from Buffy, Erik (magneto) Sherlock, Bucky, Loki etc where the sexy coded character (like I can’t see book!snape as sexy but I mean Alan rickman) is lusted over by everyone, attacked, raped, captured, tortured, enslaved etc. drugged sometimes to the point it kinda reads like torture/ rape porn with stockholmey elements. And after they are rescued and in recovery, other characters are still lusting over them and triggering them.

and then a sort of plainer or not so attractively described character or the ‘good’ one most the time ends up the one doing all the comforting. And that character always has to be 100% perfectly focused on the hurt one, is always apologizing for not being able to handle the trauma, isn’t allowed to be upset about anything in their own past, has to be able to actually read the hurt persons mind to know all the triggers or ends up apologizing for paragraphs (um like literally for some characters - okay Charles Xavier). They aren’t allowed to recieve any comfort from anyone, but the comforted person will show them affection sporadically in between attacking them for caring- that the carer must also shrug off and stay dedicated.

I don’t know why fandom gravitates that way, but I’ve seen it forever. I’m kind of over it, but it’s sooooooo popular. Any fandom, at least two or three of the top fics in the most popular airing will be a H/C with rape (I’m not a fan of the words non/con cause it feels like a weird euphemism for rape) torture, slavery, forced addiction, torture device attached— and it’ll always be the character fandom has deemed as the sexy one or with a conventionally attractive actor, or the one meant to be the rakish character. It’s never the plain one/ the good one. Kirk / Spock is one of the pairings I’ve seen it go both ways- but maybe cuz it’s been around so long? But so is Victorian Sherlock Holmes and that tends to be one sided. Who knows!

That was like a quarter of a century’s worth of ranting there.

I’ve been having so many thoughts about this lately because I’ve been working on a zine fic that focuses on Aziraphale recovering from abuse and Crowley helping him through it, and it’s incredibly upsetting why there aren’t more fics like that, as if we just expect Aziraphale to move past all that shit he went through immediately after the apocalypse :(

Not to mention that, personally, I’m tired of narratives that have Crowley portrayed as good for nothing other than being a pretty looking mess who needs to be taken care of by Aziraphale.

The collection is mine, you can find it here: Hurt Aziraphale You will also find stories there where Crowley is hurt too because at this point I also content myself with morsels and if at least a part of the story is focused on Aziraphale’s trauma, I add it to the collection.

I especially recommend stories by BuggreAlleThis (@aziraphalelookedwretched​ ) and @hotcrosspigeon‘s series Hurt!Aziraphale stories (some are unfinished though). I’ve also written a few stories about Aziraphale’s trauma and you just inpired me to put them into a series, so here they are: Aziraphale hurt/comfort :)

I also have written a number of Hurt Aziraphale stories, which I just realized on trying to link to them that they are inconsistently tagged. Going to make my list below, and later try to gather them into either a collection or a series or something. Here’s twenty-something times either Aziraphale gets comforted, or the comfort is mutual, or I look at Aziraphale’s trauma or anything along those lines. Every fic is completed.

Also, for fun, here’s Sawdust of Words in its entirety, my (WIP) series that explores both Aziraphale and Crowley’s trauma and recovery across 6000+ years. Hasn’t updated in a year but I’ve got one more with a beta reader right now and another I’m working on.

As for why we focus on Crowley’s pain - I think the “he suffers beautifully” aspect of it is definitely there; and I think physical pain suits him better, and is easier to h/c - having done several different psychological trauma variants, that stuff is hard. So it might be a path of least resistance thing. And I think we can’t rule out the fact that people like seeing the quiet fussy angel go BAMF. There is something thrilling about Aziraphale rescuing Crowley with sword blazing, or yeeting Gabriel through a wall for insulting his demon.

And there is recovery in that. Aziraphale has been so crushed down for so long that having him take the initiative to do the rescue, having him stand up to his bosses in defense of his demon, having him put aside his doubts long enough to give Crowley the cuddles he needs – yeah, these are all ways of acknowledging and dealing with his trauma, too!

I think it’s easy for us to have Crowley be the “he’s hurt needs a cuddle” (because he presents as so tough) and Aziraphale be the “he’s hurt needs to let loose” (because he’s blatantly so repressed). And we forget that it also goes the other way – that Crowley needs to let loose from the personas he wears for protection, and that Aziraphale needs a goddamn hug once in a while!

(Side note regarding Sawdust of Words: I’m somehow eleven stories in and no one has gotten a big goddamn comfort hug? Believe me that is being fixed immediately.)

And finally, I think we need to consider that Aziraphale’s emotional trauma is, if not entirely unique, definitely a sort of specific and personalized pain, whereas the kind of physical pain heaped on Crowley is a lot more generic. For better or worse, fandom is trope-y as hell, and there are a lot more generic pain tropes (including yes torture and rape) where you can easily slot it Crowley’s character; but to really get into Aziraphale’s basically-raised-in-an-abusive-cult-and-needs-to-learn-to-trust thing? You’re relying a lot less on classic fandom tropes and a lot more on your own understanding of these issues. And I think there’s plenty of people willing to explore that, but it’s a much smaller set of writers.

Still. We are out there. :)

Keep reading

I was going to say.. I’ve noticed more meta here that explores Aziraphale’s trauma in detail, far more so than Crowley’s. This issue is well recognized and discussed in the fandom, not least because it’s far more relatable to many of the users on here - not necessarily the cult aspect, but emotional abuse and how it follows you forever? Yeah, most of us feel that lol. Whereas relatively few of us have been in Crowley’s snakeskin shoes.

Perhaps there’s not a whole lot of overlap between the majority of fans who write fanfic and the writers who delve into meta here on Tumblr. Tbh even the Crowley whump normally seen in fanfic is relatively limited - it doesn’t focus on the long-term effects of living in constant fear, like hypervigilance or touch aversion (I mean, for smut reasons there’s usually not a lot of that, lol). It’s more focused on injury and immediate aftermath.

And honestly like, there’s nothing wrong with that. Fandom should make you happy, and fanfic should be written for the author’s pleasure. As tiring as the trope-yness might be, it’s not an actual bad thing to be criticized. Just frustrating if it’s not what you’re looking for.

The only solution I’ve got is… if you’re writing inclined, and it’s the subject that interests you, maybe write fic for it. Hopefully that’ll inspire more. Aethelflaed here’s already done that, and so have several other people I follow. Might never outnumber the tropey whump fic, but y’all could definitely collectively produce enough for hours of browsing.

(Also keep in mind, the very fact that Az’s trauma IS more relatable might actually steer some people away from writing about it. While some folks find release in writing about the things that have hurt them, many others use fic as an escape and try not to touch on issues that are gonna cut too deep. Disappointment from family members inflicting personal feelings of low self-worth that never quite let you go… that’s a sickeningly common experience and not one everybody wants to write about it. It’s easier and safer to stick to the fantasyland of beating up pretty characters, so that may be what a lot of people do, on purpose. Without knowing what’s going on in a writer’s head, it’s best not to judge.)

I think this:

Is super important. I think the audiences overlap but meta writers are not necessarily Whump writers.

(And speaking of meta — was it @wanna-b-poet31 who wrote all those excellent metas on both Aziraphale and Crowley’s abuse and recovery?)

The one thing that can get a little frustrating with a fandom structured between Tumblr, Instagram and AO3 is how unorganized it can be. There could be a massive IG community on Aziraphale Trauma and Comfort art and I would have no idea. Who knows how many Good Omens Tumblr fans are missing this set of posts because they and their mutuals are too many degrees of separation from us, but have their own thoughts they would want to chime in with?

Anyway, not sure what the solution is apart from as @krakensdottir says — if you are so inclined create the fic/meta/art you crave. Possibly create a Discord or similar location where fellow fans can gather and discuss. Throw out the “Aziraphale Trauma Discussion” signal and I will try to make my way there! 😆

(Also to clarify my comments above: it is NOT a bad thing that some topics are tropier or some writers take more trope-laden routes. It’s definitely a consideration — some readers/writers prefer heavier trope concentration some don’t — and I’d say on the whole fandom leans towards MORE TROPE. Enjoy what you enjoy, tho, there’s room in this fandom for everyone!)

This is where Tumblr makes me want to pull my hair out because I *miss* discussion. Maybe I need to join a discord that doesn’t depend on hearing. Anyhoo-

@krakensdottir you make a good point about writers just wanted to go with the formulaic trope or just wanting to try their own hand with a fandom staple. I was thinking about what you said here: “beating up pretty characters”- because that was sort of the trope I had in mind when I was saying that I was only seeing hurt/comfort with Aziraphale having to pack his pain away to comfort Crowley because his suffering was more attractive to write. I wonder why that is- not just crowley, across all fandoms. I skimmed through good omens under the kudos sorting, more the first few pages of fics, it’s mostly Crowley getting the brunt of it and also getting most the comfort. And the pattern in some of the other fandoms I follow was interesting- it, like Cherik Merlin LOTR hobbit cinematic- verse marvel thinks like sticky and Loki Gen and pairing -I checked a few more I am blanking on- it’s the character written as a tortured soul or ambiguous allegiance or morally grey character, or the character of an actor with a cult following.

And @aethelflaedladyofmercia the spread of fandom is a HUGE thing that maybe I haven’t taken into consideration. There’s a lot of things in good omens fandom alone where groups of people have decided Headcanon x is basically canon and assumes everyone acknowledges this in fic, except another group on a different social media space has never heard of that and embraced a different thing they assume everyone *must* know. Thank you for taking time to make the recs listed and to others that did.

Also @aziraphaleisagender I’m glad you brought this whole thing up because it’s drawn out some interesting stuff from people.

@quaidpoppinjack I haven’t used this blog in years, but now that I’ve checked the notes on this post I’m shocked that people have brought up this topic again. I agree with you, the majority of h/c fic I’ve found has the same pattern (Cherik is a WILD fandom when it comes to “who deserves more comfort”), and that’s why I made this post 2-3 years ago. Because I was tired and cranky and every time I saw a headcanon or ficlet that centered Aziraphale’s pain, someone other than the OP would swoop in and say “yeah but Crowley is in pain too!!!”

Like. We know. That’s not the issue.

Anyway, thank you for finding this discussion interesting, you’re a peach <3

Most of my long works are some form of mutual hurt comfort, where they’re unpacking what’s happened.  While Crowley definitely has bad times, i generally treat him as a bit more resilient. He’s had a long time to deal with his issues and mostly knows them.

Aziraphale I generally treat as the one more in need of comfort because he’s got fewer coping skills. You don’t have to deal with your negative feelings if you never admit you HAVE them.  Effectively he’s trying to unravel a life of toxic positivity and identity issues. If you spent so much time trying to conform and now you’re left that group, who are you?

Holloways is the long series where they deal with that. And also an enormous amount of introspection on their place in universe. No real physical trauma, but a lot of little things that remind them of past wounds that they now finally feel safe to deal with. Like going ring shopping to get married should be fun, but Aziraphale needs to deal with what thee ring he already wears means.

A short one I have is “All the Little Comforts” which is basically Emotional Exhaustion/Comfort for Aziraphale.

A Bit Snug has then share Crowley’s corporation through Armageddon and trying NOT to share their trauma. Then having to deal with trial separately, but getting to heal from them separately. End chapter of that is focused heavily on Aziraphale healing from the trial and Crowley’s past experience with similar helping him through that.

@ouidamforeman as OP I am claiming the right to reblog with your tags because I Love Them

LISTEN LISTEN I NEED TO TALK ABOUT THIS BECAUSE IT INTERESTS ME SO MUCH so like.....Good Omens is very interesting because as an actual work of fiction it straddles a weird line between like fandom-y and not as conducive to fandom and something that pisses me off sometimes is that some of the really good bits of canon are glossed over or not discussed by fandom because they’re not really things that are easy to Fandom about and weirdly significant chunks of Aziraphale and Crowley’s characters are one of those things especially this Aziraphale’s Issues thing and the torturing Crowley thing fandom at large tends to latch onto characters who can be shipped together and whumped on and not as much on aspects of characters that are negative or complicated to write about and for better or worse A&C are all of those things lmao and like ppl were saying above one of Crowley’s issues is that he’s hurt physically and that’s easier to write about and conceptualize plus ppl seem to interpret him as ‘the sexy one’ or something and physically torturing the pretty character is a Thing whereas Aziraphale’s character issues aren’t physical and a huge part of his struggle is ideological which is just more complicated to understand and less conventionally sexy to write about I guess but what makes me sad is that their arcs about physical and mental trauma mirror each other and go together and they’re really well suited to help each other with their issues so when there’s this one-sided thing going on in the majority of content it makes me sad also everyone read the book. neither of them is the sexy one in that they’re just stupid and sad lmao it’s more obvious in the book that Crowley is actually the more well-adjusted one like he has the fear and his weird fake performance to deal with the external threat he’s under and he’s obviously terrified of hell bc they hurt him but he’s pretty ok with who he is and how the world works? meanwhile in the course of the story Aziraphale has his worldview torn down and his cognitive dissonance ripped through one of his Things is just that he seems really chill when he isn’t like yeah Aziraphale makes Crowley feel safe and can protect him that’s v v good but I also care very much about Crowley being a mental safe space for Aziraphale Aziraphale is safe to come out of his shitty ideas and emotional trauma with Crowley! I want to read about THAT go meta

Can I get some more art acknowledging Aziraphale’s trauma because like yes Crowley’s should be acknowledged but Aziraphale is suffering from anxiety and the abuse of the other angels and the Rules and I just

please!!!!! show!!!!! Aziraphale recovering!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Do I have to do all the crying around here

Anyway Aziraphale was abused and has anxiety and I need to wrap him in a blanket and get him some cocoa.

Yes! Aziraphale’s huge issue is that he believes losing faith in Heaven is the same thing as losing faith in God. I believe Aziraphale never loses faith in God– that’s why he never Falls despite lying and defying Heaven and so on. 

But when Metatron tells him the point is to win the war, not prevent it, I think that’s the point when Aziraphale finally starts to separate Heaven from God in his mind– realizing that he can oppose Heaven and still keep faith with God.

What I love most about his big “Is that the ineffable plan” rules-lawyering moment is that Aziraphale weaponizes his own anxiety against Heaven and Hell. From the Garden on, Aziraphale worries that he’s not doing the right thing. He secretly thinks there must be something wrong with him because the other angels seem so certain what’s right, and he’s not. At last he realizes that they don’t know either– but they’ve been pretending they know God’s will and using that feigned confidence to do what they want.

Aziraphale forces Heaven to admit that they don’t know any more than he does– he finally understands that his anxiety and feelings of inadequacy have been an illusion caused by their lies. He turns it around on them and forces them to experience the kind of self-doubt that their hypocrisy imposed on him for 6,000 years. No wonder they try to execute him later.

This! This is the thing I’ve been saying!!! Aaaaaahhh! I’ve been reading good omens fic for over a decade or more now and everybody writes about Crowley’s trauma, and now we’ve got the series and have even more information about aziraphale and everybody wants to explore Crowley’s trauma.

And I LOVE and adore Crowley , don’t get me wrong, ive has fan art of book!crowley stuck up in the greenhouse for years now, but what is happening is lots and lots of fic exploring Crowley’s trauma with Aziraphale having to put himself in *another* box to be there for Crowley so crowley can process.

And he wants to be there! Totally! But maybe I’m missing the fic or the comics or something? There are these HUGE hanging issues for Aziraphale. And within the series, he hasn’t actually processed any of it! There is so much massive potential there! And even in the kinkmemes when someone is asking for aziraphale hurt/comfort, he ends up having to be the one comforting Crowley and I am starting to tear my hair out because let the angel process is trauma!

That quote @aziraphaleisagender about how no one cares about him and he knows it is so freaking depressing and so true!

I actually wonder if there’s a reason people aren’t really drawn to write it if there really is a lack of that sort of fic. Like is Crowley’s pain more attractive? (Aestheticly or narratively)Is it people think Aziraphale is an angel so he should be able to deal? Is it because he can be a prick to crowley?

I binge-read about 2050385 Gomens fanfics since May when it jumped out of it’s small fandom niche and basically replaced Sherlock in popularity. But I can count on my fingers anything that has someone- anyone- comforting him, it is 99% Crowley in the hurt and Aziraphale or someone providing the comfort.

Like why is his trauma not valid????

Reblogging this again because I just went and looked and holy cow, it really is hard to find fic where aziraphale is the one being comforted rather than Crowley. Someone made a collection on AO3 called hurt aziraphale and I’m going to look through those.

The fandom h/c thing for Crowley it s starting to remind me of the one sided H/C slants for Draco, Snape, Spike from Buffy, Erik (magneto) Sherlock, Bucky, Loki etc where the sexy coded character (like I can’t see book!snape as sexy but I mean Alan rickman) is lusted over by everyone, attacked, raped, captured, tortured, enslaved etc. drugged sometimes to the point it kinda reads like torture/ rape porn with stockholmey elements. And after they are rescued and in recovery, other characters are still lusting over them and triggering them.

and then a sort of plainer or not so attractively described character or the ‘good’ one most the time ends up the one doing all the comforting. And that character always has to be 100% perfectly focused on the hurt one, is always apologizing for not being able to handle the trauma, isn’t allowed to be upset about anything in their own past, has to be able to actually read the hurt persons mind to know all the triggers or ends up apologizing for paragraphs (um like literally for some characters - okay Charles Xavier). They aren’t allowed to recieve any comfort from anyone, but the comforted person will show them affection sporadically in between attacking them for caring- that the carer must also shrug off and stay dedicated.

I don’t know why fandom gravitates that way, but I’ve seen it forever. I’m kind of over it, but it’s sooooooo popular. Any fandom, at least two or three of the top fics in the most popular airing will be a H/C with rape (I’m not a fan of the words non/con cause it feels like a weird euphemism for rape) torture, slavery, forced addiction, torture device attached— and it’ll always be the character fandom has deemed as the sexy one or with a conventionally attractive actor, or the one meant to be the rakish character. It’s never the plain one/ the good one. Kirk / Spock is one of the pairings I’ve seen it go both ways- but maybe cuz it’s been around so long? But so is Victorian Sherlock Holmes and that tends to be one sided. Who knows!

That was like a quarter of a century’s worth of ranting there.

I’ve been having so many thoughts about this lately because I’ve been working on a zine fic that focuses on Aziraphale recovering from abuse and Crowley helping him through it, and it’s incredibly upsetting why there aren’t more fics like that, as if we just expect Aziraphale to move past all that shit he went through immediately after the apocalypse :(

Not to mention that, personally, I’m tired of narratives that have Crowley portrayed as good for nothing other than being a pretty looking mess who needs to be taken care of by Aziraphale.

The collection is mine, you can find it here: Hurt Aziraphale You will also find stories there where Crowley is hurt too because at this point I also content myself with morsels and if at least a part of the story is focused on Aziraphale’s trauma, I add it to the collection.

I especially recommend stories by BuggreAlleThis (@aziraphalelookedwretched​ ) and @hotcrosspigeon‘s series Hurt!Aziraphale stories (some are unfinished though). I’ve also written a few stories about Aziraphale’s trauma and you just inpired me to put them into a series, so here they are: Aziraphale hurt/comfort :)

I also have written a number of Hurt Aziraphale stories, which I just realized on trying to link to them that they are inconsistently tagged. Going to make my list below, and later try to gather them into either a collection or a series or something. Here’s twenty-something times either Aziraphale gets comforted, or the comfort is mutual, or I look at Aziraphale’s trauma or anything along those lines. Every fic is completed.

Also, for fun, here’s Sawdust of Words in its entirety, my (WIP) series that explores both Aziraphale and Crowley’s trauma and recovery across 6000+ years. Hasn’t updated in a year but I’ve got one more with a beta reader right now and another I’m working on.

As for why we focus on Crowley’s pain - I think the “he suffers beautifully” aspect of it is definitely there; and I think physical pain suits him better, and is easier to h/c - having done several different psychological trauma variants, that stuff is hard. So it might be a path of least resistance thing. And I think we can’t rule out the fact that people like seeing the quiet fussy angel go BAMF. There is something thrilling about Aziraphale rescuing Crowley with sword blazing, or yeeting Gabriel through a wall for insulting his demon.

And there is recovery in that. Aziraphale has been so crushed down for so long that having him take the initiative to do the rescue, having him stand up to his bosses in defense of his demon, having him put aside his doubts long enough to give Crowley the cuddles he needs – yeah, these are all ways of acknowledging and dealing with his trauma, too!

I think it’s easy for us to have Crowley be the “he’s hurt needs a cuddle” (because he presents as so tough) and Aziraphale be the “he’s hurt needs to let loose” (because he’s blatantly so repressed). And we forget that it also goes the other way – that Crowley needs to let loose from the personas he wears for protection, and that Aziraphale needs a goddamn hug once in a while!

(Side note regarding Sawdust of Words: I’m somehow eleven stories in and no one has gotten a big goddamn comfort hug? Believe me that is being fixed immediately.)

And finally, I think we need to consider that Aziraphale’s emotional trauma is, if not entirely unique, definitely a sort of specific and personalized pain, whereas the kind of physical pain heaped on Crowley is a lot more generic. For better or worse, fandom is trope-y as hell, and there are a lot more generic pain tropes (including yes torture and rape) where you can easily slot it Crowley’s character; but to really get into Aziraphale’s basically-raised-in-an-abusive-cult-and-needs-to-learn-to-trust thing? You’re relying a lot less on classic fandom tropes and a lot more on your own understanding of these issues. And I think there’s plenty of people willing to explore that, but it’s a much smaller set of writers.

Still. We are out there. :)

Keep reading

I was going to say.. I’ve noticed more meta here that explores Aziraphale’s trauma in detail, far more so than Crowley’s. This issue is well recognized and discussed in the fandom, not least because it’s far more relatable to many of the users on here - not necessarily the cult aspect, but emotional abuse and how it follows you forever? Yeah, most of us feel that lol. Whereas relatively few of us have been in Crowley’s snakeskin shoes.

Perhaps there’s not a whole lot of overlap between the majority of fans who write fanfic and the writers who delve into meta here on Tumblr. Tbh even the Crowley whump normally seen in fanfic is relatively limited - it doesn’t focus on the long-term effects of living in constant fear, like hypervigilance or touch aversion (I mean, for smut reasons there’s usually not a lot of that, lol). It’s more focused on injury and immediate aftermath.

And honestly like, there’s nothing wrong with that. Fandom should make you happy, and fanfic should be written for the author’s pleasure. As tiring as the trope-yness might be, it’s not an actual bad thing to be criticized. Just frustrating if it’s not what you’re looking for.

The only solution I’ve got is… if you’re writing inclined, and it’s the subject that interests you, maybe write fic for it. Hopefully that’ll inspire more. Aethelflaed here’s already done that, and so have several other people I follow. Might never outnumber the tropey whump fic, but y’all could definitely collectively produce enough for hours of browsing.

(Also keep in mind, the very fact that Az’s trauma IS more relatable might actually steer some people away from writing about it. While some folks find release in writing about the things that have hurt them, many others use fic as an escape and try not to touch on issues that are gonna cut too deep. Disappointment from family members inflicting personal feelings of low self-worth that never quite let you go… that’s a sickeningly common experience and not one everybody wants to write about it. It’s easier and safer to stick to the fantasyland of beating up pretty characters, so that may be what a lot of people do, on purpose. Without knowing what’s going on in a writer’s head, it’s best not to judge.)

I think this:

Is super important. I think the audiences overlap but meta writers are not necessarily Whump writers.

(And speaking of meta — was it @wanna-b-poet31 who wrote all those excellent metas on both Aziraphale and Crowley’s abuse and recovery?)

The one thing that can get a little frustrating with a fandom structured between Tumblr, Instagram and AO3 is how unorganized it can be. There could be a massive IG community on Aziraphale Trauma and Comfort art and I would have no idea. Who knows how many Good Omens Tumblr fans are missing this set of posts because they and their mutuals are too many degrees of separation from us, but have their own thoughts they would want to chime in with?

Anyway, not sure what the solution is apart from as @krakensdottir says — if you are so inclined create the fic/meta/art you crave. Possibly create a Discord or similar location where fellow fans can gather and discuss. Throw out the “Aziraphale Trauma Discussion” signal and I will try to make my way there! 😆

(Also to clarify my comments above: it is NOT a bad thing that some topics are tropier or some writers take more trope-laden routes. It’s definitely a consideration — some readers/writers prefer heavier trope concentration some don’t — and I’d say on the whole fandom leans towards MORE TROPE. Enjoy what you enjoy, tho, there’s room in this fandom for everyone!)

This is where Tumblr makes me want to pull my hair out because I *miss* discussion. Maybe I need to join a discord that doesn’t depend on hearing. Anyhoo-

@krakensdottir you make a good point about writers just wanted to go with the formulaic trope or just wanting to try their own hand with a fandom staple. I was thinking about what you said here: “beating up pretty characters”- because that was sort of the trope I had in mind when I was saying that I was only seeing hurt/comfort with Aziraphale having to pack his pain away to comfort Crowley because his suffering was more attractive to write. I wonder why that is- not just crowley, across all fandoms. I skimmed through good omens under the kudos sorting, more the first few pages of fics, it’s mostly Crowley getting the brunt of it and also getting most the comfort. And the pattern in some of the other fandoms I follow was interesting- it, like Cherik Merlin LOTR hobbit cinematic- verse marvel thinks like sticky and Loki Gen and pairing -I checked a few more I am blanking on- it’s the character written as a tortured soul or ambiguous allegiance or morally grey character, or the character of an actor with a cult following.

And @aethelflaedladyofmercia the spread of fandom is a HUGE thing that maybe I haven’t taken into consideration. There’s a lot of things in good omens fandom alone where groups of people have decided Headcanon x is basically canon and assumes everyone acknowledges this in fic, except another group on a different social media space has never heard of that and embraced a different thing they assume everyone *must* know. Thank you for taking time to make the recs listed and to others that did.

Also @aziraphaleisagender I’m glad you brought this whole thing up because it’s drawn out some interesting stuff from people.

@quaidpoppinjack I haven’t used this blog in years, but now that I’ve checked the notes on this post I’m shocked that people have brought up this topic again. I agree with you, the majority of h/c fic I’ve found has the same pattern (Cherik is a WILD fandom when it comes to “who deserves more comfort”), and that’s why I made this post 2-3 years ago. Because I was tired and cranky and every time I saw a headcanon or ficlet that centered Aziraphale’s pain, someone other than the OP would swoop in and say “yeah but Crowley is in pain too!!!”

Like. We know. That’s not the issue.

Anyway, thank you for finding this discussion interesting, you’re a peach <3