This blog is no longer in use

If you’d like to contact me or still Roleplay, you can contact me on @amelia-fn-jones

Thank you!

This blog is no longer in use

If you’d like to contact me or still Roleplay, you can contact me on @amelia-fn-jones

Thank you!

This blog is no longer in use

If you’d like to contact me or still Roleplay, you can contact me on @amelia-fn-jones

Thank you!

I am now officially on @amelia-fn-Jones if you want to follow me there

Thanks again for supporting this blog all of these years!

I am now officially on @amelia-fn-Jones if you want to follow me there

Thanks again for supporting this blog all of these years!

I am now officially on @amelia-fn-Jones if you want to follow me there

Thanks again for supporting this blog all of these years!

Update!

Hi, I’ve decided that the hiatus here will be indefinite and likely permanent. I’ve just got too many memories attached to this character and blog to feel the need to continue it. I’ll be making a new one at some point today, and I’ll link it here.

Thank you for four years of memories.

I am now officially on @amelia-fn-Jones if you want to follow me there

Thanks again for supporting this blog all of these years!

Update!

Hi, I’ve decided that the hiatus here will be indefinite and likely permanent. I’ve just got too many memories attached to this character and blog to feel the need to continue it. I’ll be making a new one at some point today, and I’ll link it here.

Thank you for four years of memories.

Life Update

It’s been almost two years since I’ve touched this blog. And in this past year alone I’ve learned more than I’ve ever learned any year previous.

At the beginning of the year, I fell into a crowd that at the time I didn’t realize was turning me into a person I later discovered I didn’t want to be. They encouraged me to say and do things that I should have known better than to do. And when I did things that weren’t provoked by them, but were still shit, they told me it was okay anyway instead of calling me out.

I ended up pushing away my best friend of four years. I was horrible to her, and didn’t realize it until it was too late. I spent so many hours and days wondering why she was so mad at me, that I turned her anger towards me into my blame of her. I did and said so many things, some to her and others not, that I will never deserve an apology for it. I blamed her for my problems, and over the summer came to the realization that it was all because of me.

I’ve been spending the last few months trying to better myself. Sometimes by choice, sometimes not, I’ve been forced to reflect on the past few years and realize that even before my so-called-“friends” (some I haven’t cut completely, but have distanced myself from still) I was horrible to those around me. Change doesn’t come overnight, and I’ve been learning that the hard way.

I’ve gone clean off the anxiety meds I was abusing. I would purposefully take more than my dosage or skip, just so I could feel a certain way. I’ll be the first to admit, during those days I was a massive bitch who lashed out onto everyone I came in contact with. This turned into me forgetting to take my meds the first few times I tried rectifying it, which turned into my behavior spiraling out of control whenever I was going through withdrawals. I forgot them for an entire weekend I was away. That right there majorly hurt a few very important friendships, even though they hadn’t been destroyed just yet at that point.

But, with every down comes an up. I’m so much more stable now without my meds. I can’t remember the last time I had a work-related panic attack. I’m passing all of my classes this semester, and it looks like I’ll be taken off of Educational Warning. I still struggle with my depression, and that may never go away, but I’ve come to the realization that even though I can’t change the past- I can form my future. Those friends I lost may never forgive me, and that hurts like nothing else, but I’ve got a great group of friends right now that aren’t afraid to call me out on my bullshit, and they make sure that I don’t fall back into habits I’ve quit.

I’m incredibly sorry to everyone I’ve hurt. This year, and in past years. I’d like to place blame on the meds, or the friends, but the truth is I let myself fall down into that hole and didn’t let myself notice I needed to dig myself out. In the process, I hurt some of the people most important to me, and that blame lands squarely on my shoulders. I did this, and I have to live with it. I’m not asking anyone to forgive me, I’m just asking for this to be read, and for everyone to look into their hearts and souls and ask themselves: “have I been the best me I can be today?”

Thank you for reading this.

Going on Hiatus

{Hi. My depression is rearing its ugly head in a bad way again and I’m currently not in a state capable of roleplaying. If you want to contact me pm me for my discord (I run a book club on there if you want to join as well). So uh, yeah. I’ll be back eventually, I just don’t know how long yet. Sorry.}