If you don’t mind, I’ll be taking this one because I happen to be one of the type of cats you are describing. But honestly, @why-animals-do-the-thing and @fractiousrvt answered this one pretty thoroughly. Most kittens are either adopted around 8 weeks old after time with their mother, meaning that their socialization window has closed, or are hand raised at a much younger age which we know can put them at a disadvantage for healthy human and cat interactions. I was found at 6 weeks old with my brother and was puffed up, spitting, and lunging at everyone in the clinic where Mom worked at that age.
Genetics also plays a significant role in our temperament. In particular, the type of personality our dad had has been shown to be more likely in the kittens.
My mom says that I was designed to be the perfect street or barn cat. I am a great hunter. I am skittish enough that I won’t let anyone get close enough to hurt me and definitely wouldn’t get in the way of any moving vehicles. My only downfall is my coat. I am a pretty thorough groomer but keeping this fluff tangle-free is a full time job and results in a lot of hair balls.
I’m 6 years old now. According to Mom, she did a lot of things wrong when she first brought me home. But we have a great relationship. i get close to her all the time and bunt her when I want pets. Then I leave and hang out a few feet away from her. I still run if she approaches me too directly. And she gives me a whopping dose of gabapentin if she needs to do anything yucky like clip out mats, trim my toes, or take me to the vet. We recently had a really successful day at her office where she was able to get blood from me and I even ate some squeeze cheese!! I have become a lot braver around people that come to visit as long as they don’t reach for me.
I won’t ever be a lap cat, and yes sometimes she says she wishes she could just grab me and snuggle me, but we both know that isn’t going to happen. And she respects that. We have a really good life together. Let your cats lead the interactions and I bet you will be surprised at what happens.