Some smut authors: Oh no, I don't want people to tell me if they jacked off to my work, that feels too personal.
Me: Hey yeah if you could tell me what part you busted the fattest nuts over that would do so much for me and encourage me creatively in a big way.
hey everyone it's been 15 years since twilight. taylor lautner is married to taylor lautner. robert pattinson is a fucking bird. and kristen stewart is doing the dykiest photoshoot imaginable for a rolling stone magazine cover.
Hey.... bad news... yeah, they got ahold of your found family... yeah, they're assigning them nuclear familial titles... yeah, I don't think they know that's not the point... I know, I know. Sorry man, nothing I can do about it now.
*jigsaw voice* hello lock picking lawyer. you've made a name for yourself showing people how to break the law. but today it is you that will be- hey. HEY. KNOCK THAT OFF
You've heard of protagonists who are genre-savvy. Now get ready for protagonists who are outright genre-saboteurs.
hey bro hit this *passes you a caterpillar in a leaf*
*gives it a little kiss and passes it to the next person*
"who even is cecil" get real
*gets up*
*wastes day*
*goes to bed again*
yay
and repeat
The poll feature really took off because it taps into tumblr's favorite activity: being extremely opinionated about things that don't matter
thinking about her
walkable cities also means sittable cities send tweet
some people are responding to this like its a joke and im going to assume u are the type of people to say "its only a 3 minute walk" when i tell them the nearest bench is too far away
also anyone who thinks "3 minutes isnt THAT bad" you will be old one day. and you will wish the bench was closer
love is stored in the idog 💗
my friend told me last night that he gets girls to come back to his place by telling them “oh i can’t wait to go home and have some stew” and “i’m so hungry, good thing i have stew at home” and it’s worked every time
bro the worst part is last night i went to his place and it’s 11pm and i’m sitting there eating fucking stew like god damn it worked on me too
today my bf and i were talking about visiting my home for the holidays and i was (sadly) wondering aloud if i should cut my hair and our kid was like "why would you cut your hair??? your hair is cool" and not knowing how to explain it to him i said "my family doesnt think boys should have long hair" to which he went silent, wordlessly pulled out his phone and then swiftly held it out with a picture of keeanu reeves on his phone
^ POV u are me witnessing my 15 year old decimate decades of transphobia in an instant
Joking aside, the Millennium Falcon is not the space fantasy equivalent of a busted-ass old panel van.
The Millennium Falcon is the space fantasy equivalent of a busted-ass old panel van that's inexplicably been hot-rodded to have a top speed of 300 miles per hour, which is substantially funnier.
you're not ascending to godhood you're just dehydrated
outta my way gayboy i'm boutta liberate my divine self from this mortal shell
hopital
