How to carry your drunk friends home. [video]

small child: [absolutely incomprehensible gibberish]

me:

@ the water that drips down my arms when i wash my face and makes a big ass mess: fuckin fight me

It’s your life. If you are unhappy, please make a change.

it sucks being a suuuUuUUuper observant person bc i notice every little thing in every action & i literally get sad over the smallest things

My cat: comfortable, hasn’t moved in 3 hours

Me: gives one (1) pat

Cat: my rest……… it has been,, disturb ed……..I ………..can no longor……lay here…. must go…..

I GOT FUCKED BY A GIRL

I was expecting it to be “decent” only because we didn’t have much time and I was a VIRGIN. Anyway, we’re kissing and licking. I’m squeezing and gripping. So she must’ve gotten bored with my 80 hour foreplay plan because she pushed me down and began to suck my neck. Down to my nips. And then licked all the way down to my meat dagger. Let me tell you👀…that shit was heavenly. Her mouth was a black hole and my dick was just an object in it’s path.

After 3 minutes and 9 seconds of vicious, unforgiving *gawk gawk* *sluuurp* while simultaneously twisting my dick like she was grinding pepper, she literally stood up, looked me dead in my eyeballs, threw her well oiled but ashy knee leg on my shoulder and threw her pussy into my face like it was the first pitch at a damn Yankees game!

But I knew what to do. I’m devouring that pussy. Though her pussy had a pleasant taste, I couldn’t fucking breathe! 😫 She is riding my fucking face like a fucking Harley and I can only imagine this is the face she’s making:

Finally, she let my tender headed ass curls go and I was able to get some air. She got down from using my face as a cushion and bent over and spread her ass cheeks signaling for me to *put it in*. Now, I knew she was wet BUT I didn’t know she was WET WET 💦. Nigga…my dick was like:

My sausage bat acclimated to her “Lake Ta-hole” and I began to stroke. Baby steps, The usual in-and-out, with a decent speed. I stroked for about 4 minutes and 2 seconds with a little bit of ass slapping to go along but nooooo 🙄 that wasn’t good enough for this Lucifer spawned soul snatcher. I swear to Mary, Joseph and Jesus, this bitch anchored her knees. Wait…you didn’t read that right. She ANCHORED HER FUCKING KNEES. You ever had a chick anchor her knees?! Have you?! Did that shit like she was getting ready to hut hut a football. I was like:

With the strength of Wonder Woman, the courage of Xena and the approval of her ancestors, she threw her little ass back on me like I stole something gotdammit. All my Black ass could do was take it. As she threw her ass back at 500 BPM (backshots per minute), all i could think of was “DONT NUT. YOU BETTER NOT NUT YOU FUCKING PIECE OF SHIT.” It’s close but I’m hanging in there:

At this point, Her fucking back has arched into a scoliosis “C” and she’s putting in overtime. I could frankly say, nigga she was pounding the shit out of me. I was her bitch. I should’ve been yelling her name. Her throwback game was so mean, she’s pounding me off of my knees and I’m now on my back like a $2 hoe getting rode.

ME:

I’m about thiiiis 👌🏾 close to nutting. But I’m trying to hold it but I just can’t. She’s on top growling and panting, digging her nails into my legs bouncing on me like a pogo stick.

HER:

Since I can’t take it and I’m definitely about to nut, I let it be known. “😫Oh ma gahd, I’m about to cum!”

HER:

Shut up and take this pussy!

ME:

Guys, on that day and in that moment, I shut my mouth and took that pussy ☺️

Disney Characters Reimagined As Pokemon Evolutions.

@jovialvoidgalaxy how cute are these?

I could have a cuter room if I wasn’t a goblin who threw all her shit on the floor

NIGGAAAAAAAAA 😭😭😭😭

Apps To Kill Time On

Keep seeing some posts circulating about popular websites and wanted to make a version for apps.

These are apps I’m way too addicted to. Am I missing any?

P.S. I’m on an iPhone so these are iPhone apps, but probably have an Android version too.

Edit: Sorry for all the time I’ve taken away from your life

You’re welcome 😉