Broken moments, forgotten feelings;
Today, I shattered in a million ugly pieces;
Glittering, sharp, horrible, no doughnut sprinkles, no diamonds, just refuse of life.
god, yes, it was avoidable;
I shattered and this is what comes, not dreams,
though, I shouldn’t have had a half bottle of red.
The thrilling buzzing in my brain
a horrid soul sucking self despise…
I fight, god it feel as if I have already lost.
A guilt, a horrible guilt,
It hit and rested on my chest;
but worthy… they helped me..
do they expect that I am cured,
but no they made possible,
my continued existence orrr
maybe just the rental on my communication ability…
nothing can or will save me.
I was never meant for a great,
or even participation in any thing great.
But I can write… I can write,
I can hammer the hell out of a sentence
I run my hand over my half anesthetized,
Tear swollen red ruddy face.
I lean my dopy head against the edge of the mattress. ..
why didn’t I die 20 years ago…
beautiful with no regrets.