Roots
A tattoo parlor wasn’t exactly the kind of place you’d expect to find Erwin Smith on a weekend. To be perfectly frank, it wasn’t the kind of place Erwin expected to be.
But a lot had happened in the past year and a half that he hadn’t expected.
Mike had recommended the place through a friend of a friend and had come with him to check it out. The small storefront emblazoned with double wings was tucked neatly up against the elevated tracks, in a neighborhood full of converted warehouse apartments. It didn’t look shabby or old, just tiny. When they walked in the place felt even more compact- there was barely room for the little front desk and a few chairs to wait. Bare brick walls were covered with large canvases- huge versions of designs that Erwin supposed the artists had made. He spotted intricate winding floral works, something that looked like a Mayan snake god, and occasionally the repeated motif of wings or feathers.
“Can I help you?” asked a bubbly petite redhead at the front desk with an off-shoulder top and an elaborate tattooed yoke of black roses around her neck.
“Oh, I’m here for a consultation appointment. Erwin Smith,” Erwin answered, walking over to the desk.
“Ah…” The woman trailed off, clicking around her computer. “Oh, yeah, I’ve got you here. Huh, I guess that does make sense…” She seemed distracted, looking at the reservation information.
“Not really. It’s just that you’re meeting with Levi.”
Erwin frowned in confusion. “Yes,” he responded, “when I spoke with someone on the phone that seemed like the best choice, and Mike recommended him as well.”
The girl looked up, flashing Erwin a big smile. “Oh, it’s a great choice, he’s amazing!” She reassured him, standing up and walking around to the edge of the half-wall separating them from the tattooing area. “He’s just… not exactly a morning person.” She turned with a flip of red hair and gave Erwin an apologetic smile before disappearing behind the wall, yelling “LEVI!” as she went.
Erwin and Mike exchanged uncertain glances and took up residence in the largest of the little chairs they could find.
A minute later the man named Levi appeared. He slouched around the half-wall glaring and Erwin got the very distinct impression that he was not, in fact, a morning person. Everything, from his scuffed sneakers, to his hoodie, to the hasty dark ponytail gathered above the hair shaved up above his ears screamed ‘screw you and your little dog too’. His flat grey eyes looked sunken, ringed in dark, and he clutched the rim of a steaming mug in one hand.
Erwin’s rational brain registered all of this.
Unfortunately, Erwin’s animal brain was far too distracted by Levi’s pectoral muscles above the top of a loose, low-cut tank. And his legs. Christ, Erwin didn’t think he’d ever seen a man pull off spandex running tights before.
Levi collapsed into a chair across from them with a sigh.
“What do you want?” He asked, voice flat and deeper than Erwin had expected.
“You,” Erwin breathed out, then stammered as Levi looked at him sharply and Mike’s mouth fell open, “ Y-y-ou to help me decide on a tattoo design!” Levi rolled his eyes. Erwin winced internally.
Somehow, he managed to make it through their consultation without putting his foot in his mouth again. The sketch he’d brought had impressed Levi, something the redhead at the front desk later told them was not easy to do. Levi had agreed to use it as a starting point for his design and do the tattoo over a few sessions.
The evening of his first session Erwin debated calling Mike. The place had looked fine, impeccably clean, they’d both agreed. Levi had been professional, if terse. The updated design he’d sent Erwin had been breathtaking- better than anything he’d envisioned. There were no outward signs that should have made Erwin worry. But he was worried. A gorgeous man was about to stick a needle in his skin. Repeatedly. It was exciting and terrifying at the same time.
He ended up going by himself, the potential benefits of alone time with Levi winning out over the comfort Mike would provide.
The appointment went well for the most part. Yes, he had ogled Levi’s pert ass in tight jeans. Of course, he’d stared plenty at the strong shoulders and upper arms covered in intricate feather designs. Sure, he may have blushed when Levi asked him to take off his shirt. And admittedly, the realization of just how small Levi really was when the chair had been lowered until he felt like he was almost sitting on the ground had made him more aroused than he’d like to admit. But it had gone well, and the black outline of winding branches up the side of his back that spread over one shoulder hadn’t hurt nearly as much as he’d feared. Levi had been quiet, focused on his work, and Erwin was still too embarrassed by their first meeting to initiate any real conversation.
Erwin’s second appointment went more smoothly. By now he knew what to expect, the way Levi’s gloved hands held his skin taut, the strange scraping sensation on the skin, and the slow progress of the outlining- the tree’s trunk making its way down to roots that wound and spread over his lower back. It also felt more intimate, Levi’s hands travelling lower toward his belt, his touch sure and gentle.
By the third appointment they were talking more easily, and Erwin found himself distracted from the boredom and strange combined sensation of slight physical discomfort from both the tattooing process and his own embarrassing crush. The time passed with ease, and he was pleased with the progress of the tree’s detailing.
His final appointment arrived and Erwin almost felt a pang of regret. It was unlikely that he would see Levi again, at least for a while. But this was something he wanted to see through, had promised himself he would do. As he sat in the chair one final time, Levi’s deft fingers on his skin, he found himself opening up to the man. After all, it was his last chance, there was no harm in it now.
“So, why did you choose this?” Levi asked. He was shading and detailing the bark, fine lines and delicate gradients to create texture and depth.
Levi didn’t speak for a moment, and Erwin couldn’t tell if he was collecting his thoughts or just concentrating on the work.
“No. It looks great. It will look even better when we finish today.”
Erwin nodded absently. So, Levi wasn’t judging his originality, that was encouraging.
“But you didn’t answer my question. Something this large, I assume you’ve got a reason. Everyone does.”
“Oh,” Erwin replied, “Yes. I do. It’s to remind me.”
Erwin appreciated that Levi didn’t guess. That he could supply whatever information he was willing to. “Of my father.” His answer was soft. He opened his mouth to add more, but the words didn’t come, and Erwin felt the slight pressure and prick of something in his eyes. Even though he was finally doing this, it didn’t make it any easier.
“I’m sorry,” Levi murmured, “I hope it helps you,” as though he knew exactly what Erwin meant.
As Levi continued his work in silence, leaning close, Erwin swallowed. His throat felt heavy, constricted. But the repetitive motion of Levi’s touch, the sensation of the needle going over his skin lulled him away from the darker versions of thoughts he’d had many times before. There was no need to go over it again and again, no need to spill out every painful memory he’d collected. Maybe that was why he felt himself unwinding, telling Levi more than he’d intended.
“My father was a teacher.”
Offering no judgement, no opinions, Levi simply made noises of acknowledgement. Simply listened.
“And he taught me many things.”
“Yes. Probably too good, I’ll always be in his shadow.”
“He held my family together. Not just my mother and sister, but all of it.”
The hypnotic sensation continued, the slow journey of the needle over his skin beginning to provide just enough bite to take the edge off his thoughts, to ground him in the present.
“When he passed away, it all fell apart. I did what I could to put it back together, but I worry that I forgot a lot of the things he taught me on the way. About how to be a man. That’s why I wanted this. To remind me.”
Levi hummed. Erwin wondered if he was just listening in a professional capacity. Just allowing Erwin to unburden himself. But when Levi spoke, he realized the man had been paying attention to more than just his words.
“So, you chose a tree. Knowledge, stability, life. Roots for connection and family, a trunk that’s weathered and worn, and branches reaching up to the sky towards the future.”
Levi had put into words things Erwin had only thought about vaguely, only felt instinctually when he decided on the design.
The rest of the session passed in silence. When Levi finished, he declared the tree done as well.
Erwin slipped his shirt back on carefully, taking one last look around the workspace that had grown familiar. This was his last chance, and after such an intimate discussion, he felt he had nothing to lose. He might as well bare his entire heart.
“Levi, would you like to get coffee sometime?”
Levi frowned slightly, and Erwin looked down, hiding any disappointment he felt at the rejection.
“I don’t like coffee. But I drink tea.”
Erwin looked up, and smiled when his eyes met Levi’s- grey and tired, but sincere. “Great,” he sighed, “I’ll call you?” Levi walked over to his neat desk, pulling out a business card and writing on the back.
“Yeah, I’d like that.” He slipped the card into Erwin’s hand as he shook it; the firm handshake felt more personal than any he could recall.
As he walked toward the front of the shop he heard Levi call after him.
“Erwin.” He turned. “That tree. I know it’s still winter now, but someday it won’t be. Someday it will leaf out.”
