POV: Snape catches you wandering in the hallway in the middle of the night

I absolutely love this style!

original 🦌

i just have to laugh at the fact that not only was snape appointed a potion’s professor at the age of 21, but he also became the head of slytherin too like this fucking emo became responsible for a fourth of the entire student body while he was still pretty much a child compared to the average wizard’s lifespan i just wanna know how he didn’t just hurl himself off a ledge

He did and that’s where Dumbledore learned Arresto Momentum

Dumbledore: What a nice day Minerva isn't it.. *beard ends flowing in breeze*

Minerva: *squinting hard at the distance* Albus.. I think..

Dumbledore: Severus and I have finally reached a pleasant state of cordiality. I mean he still snarls and scowls like a feral bat pup but he resists from hexing and throwing the furniture at me.

Minerva: Albus I think you should just..

Dumbledore: *searching for hidden lemon sherbets in the folds of his lilac robes* I mean he is a very good Potion's Master.. though I think he could be a little less harsh with the kiddos. Never mind, he will learn... who could stay too mad at those little darlings for long anyways.

Minerva: *feeling increasingly alarmed* Albus! I can see..

Dumbledore: *ploughing through his deputy's words smoothly* I even made him Head of House for Slytherin last month. Have you seen the little snakes are behaving a wee less rowdier than usual. Severus has them handled well. I knew it.

Minerva: Albus please..

Dumbledore: I knew he had a heart somewhere behind those imposing black robes. I am truly happy after so long.

Minerva: Albus... I truly think you should..

Dumbledore : *ignoring her completely* Riddle's gone temporarily at best.

Minerva: *visibly distressed now* Albus..

Dumbledore: *popping lemon sherbet in his mouth blisfully* The school's functioning good.

Minerva: I..

Dumbledore: My staff..

Minerva: *finally loosing her cool* IS ABOUT TO GET ONE LESS! ALBUS TURN THE FUCKING AROUND!

Dumbledore: Merlin Minerva! I am standing just right beside you. You don't have to....

Dumbledore:.....

Dumbledore: *breaking into an impromptu run* FOR CIRCE'S SPARKLING PANTIES SAKE SEVERUS! WE TALKED ABOUT THIS!

Minerva:

Dumbledore: uhh uhhh... I need to.. we can't.. ARRESTO MOMENTUM! *mentally pats himself*

Snape: *dangling from mid height snarling at Dumbledore* FOR FUCKS SAKE! LEMME DIE PEACEFULLY! I DO NOT WANT TO KNOW WHO KISSED WHOSE GIRLFRIEND AND HOW THAT BROKE THEIR HEART AND NOW THEY ARE DOING WEED IN BINN'S CLASS ANYMORE!

Minerva:

Dumbledore:

Minerva:

Dumbledore: Wow! Who was it that broke whose heart? Come one Sev! You promised you will keep me up with the gossip!

Minerva: WAIT WHO IS DOING WEED?

Snape: I may have accidently let out where I keep my stash but..

Dumbledore: Aww and you didn't share? Not cool.

Minerva: WAIT YOU ARE DOING DRUGS!

when u meet someone who also ships ur rare pair otp

dumbledore: after all this time?

snape:

Normalize not shipping snape x Hermione or Harry or literally any minor

Any adult x minor ship in general is weird even if it is just fiction because it makes people feel as though it may be okay- like imagine a child who just got a phone and has no idea how dangerous the internet is seeing fictional relationships with adults and children and thinking it’s normal- them not being worried when adults start being weird with them because it’s such a popular idea

As a minor in the Harry Potter fandom you all disgust me

Fiction affects reality and this shouldn’t be a debate- it’s a fact

Replying to the comments of this post...

I completely disagree with this. Let's say for example, that I create a fictional character right now, named Bob. Bob is abusive to his partner Tyler.

Okay, now I am creating an AU where Bob and Tyler are in a loving relationship.

Why should the first fictional scenario hold any say whatsoever over what is allowed to happen in the second scenario? Why is canon any more valid than something I create, just because canon is the more popular, and created first?

The legends of King Arthur are entirely built on multiple people's ancient fanfictions which built the canon together. In some of the stories, Arthur and Morgana are related by blood. In others, they are not.

If I were to ship them, would it be weird because in some of the stories they're related?

It doesn't make any sense to me to artificially prioritize a fictional story like that. Especially when fanfiction, historically, was just as important to the canon as the "first" story.

And that's not even mentioning the whole "you can't ship it if it's toxic even when you make an AU" thing because dang. The Marauders were all canonically Snape's bullies (one of whom sexually assaulted him) and people ship the heck outta them. The most popular ship in the Harry Potter fandom is Drarry, and Draco Malfoy is canonically a bigoted blood purist.

Maybe it’s just the toxic ships you personally dislike that you think should be banned?

You think it's creepy, and I think most people would agree with you honestly. But creepiness isn't a moral argument. And it especially isn't a moral argument when the relationship you're calling creepy doesn't even exist because it's fictional. Heck, canonically Voldemort is like 50 years old and Bellatrix is in her 30’s and yet Cursed Child is aimed at kids 😐

Wendy and Sandy are fictional characters I just made up. They are both adults in a consensual loving relationship, but have a 20 year age difference. Oh no!

Okay, now I just made an AU where they're the same age. Phew!

Tell that to porn sites?

There's a reason "Think of the children" has an entire Wikipedia article all to itself.

People have historically used "Think of the children" to justify a lot of censorship. So much so that it's become a logical fallacy. Everything to music with profanity/a heavy subject matter, to books and art depicting queer characters, to violent video games, etc have had people trying to ban them from existence because apparently everything can be justified by thinking of children lol.

In a perfect world minors wouldn't enter adult spaces which are clearly marked as adult spaces. But keeping minors from entering clearly marked adult spaces, again, is not the creator's job.

And yet, it is. Because what you're proposing would be an infringement on their their self-expression. You're proposing silencing and censoring someone because you don't like what they're writing.

One last thing I'd like to mention is a truly surprising amount of people who create problematic content are people who've experienced problematic things in real life themselves.

Many people I know and have seen online write problematic content as a way to deal with their own trauma. They write about their experiences in a way which, by choosing to write it, they gain control over. I could go into detail but this post is already getting long.

Sometimes when you read the comments of these works, you'll see other survivors chiming in to say thank you. That reading this problematic, toxic story helped them with their own experiences. You’ll see those readers thanking the authors for posting their story because they don’t have the emotional capacity to write a story themselves. For these people, reading and writing that stuff can genuinely be therapeutic.

You censor that, you take that outlet away from those people who need it.

Not everything in fiction needs to be wholesome sunshine and rainbows. The purpose of art isn’t just to be beautiful.

TL;DR

Right so- basically-

If you don't know Chanwills0 on tiktok by now, she makes these fantastic hilarious parodies of all different scenes from Harry Potter, partial to McGonagall(omg her impression😫👌) and Dumbledore. Go check her out!! She's extremely talented!

This particular parody planted a seed in my brain and I needed to do this...

*sobs* I blame @beebox-illustrations for encouraging me😭😂

AHHH NO WAY! PERFECTION!!!!!!

Please go and check out lilbeanz art!!

I can’t believe how good Dumbledore looks in this. How is he so cute?

eating sunflower seeds

Snumbledore but they raise Harry. Minerva would be his aunt and they'd just be a happy family

Has there been talk about what Snape’s animagus would be? I saw someone say it’d be a camel which is so rude 💀 anyway, what’s his animagus? 💅

Ok a Raven sure. Ravens are definitely one of my favorite ideas.

But consider the Moth:

They are pretty shabby-looking, not very noticeable (like a spy), and nocturnal. They’re overlooked, unappreciated, and overshadowed by the more popular butterfly. Snape doesn’t feel beautiful or social like butterflies. He feels small and gross, like an insect. Moths hangs around dusty books and old moth-eaten clothes.

But the real kicker: moths are attracted to flames. To light. They also come in black. And there’s a really great metaphor here about “a moth to a flame” who got burned, and turned to soot. So Snape wears black. Gryffindor represents fire. Red represents fire. And Lily is both of these things.

And it’s also unexpected. It’s not what you’d think Snape would be, which is on brand. You’d think he’d be some nobler, more attractive, cooler creature. Not some fragile, shabby insect. But that’s exactly why I love the moth so much. And Snape’s vulnerability, his emotional fragility and his strength to survive despite that is why I love him so much.

Snape’s patronus is a doe, which was the last thing first-time readers would’ve ever expected from him and his caustic personality. A moth is exactly the last thing anyone would expect too.

I also think it’s funny that Snape is often called a bat, and one of the moth’s most prolific predators are bats. So it’s funny to imagine Snape taking on a bat-like appearance because he’s dressing up like his own predator to make himself seem scarier and unapproachable.

Type "Severus Snape and the" and let your keyboard complete it for you

Severus Snape and the rest of my life

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.

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Thank you very much.

Severus Snape is Cooler than the other hand thinks hugging is hell!

Severus Snape and the neighbors were outside being a death sentence of the people who are you know what,

Nice I'll do this as well 😂

Severus Snape is hot and cold and all the best of the year

...I think my keyboard knows something

Severus Snape is like an interesting fact that the books weren't able to make

Ok, keyboard, you're onto something

Snape and the sun are beautiful

•

Keyboard, you are wise. Wiser than most.

Severus Snapes apologist obsessed

True

Severus Snape is your dad

Not bad keyboard. But can we do better?

Severus Snape is your mom’s name

Okay keyboard. Getting there.

Professor Snape is the best to have ever been on the planet

MMMMyes. But the best what?

Snape is a hero for the first time

Yes SIR.

Severus Snape and the King of all you have ever been

Severus Snape and the lost and found?

Severus Snape is the president of the world and the national pride of society

he fucked that old man is fr the perfect sentence. the amount of payoff. the simplicity of it. the rhythm. just the right amount of detail. this is the kind of sentence that tells you a story. the kind that sticks with you

THIS

actual image of the average moment in my brain

I’m studying to be a criminal defence lawyer and y’all can be damn well sure I frequently daydream about defending Snape in wizard court after he survives and is put on trial

I’m curious about your arguments? 👀